*This story is underneath my folder titled “Jester and fairy”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1035. Enjoy and Scary Creepmas!*
Every year, the Cromwell family put up an elaborate Christmas party of which only the rich could attend. The children of Mr. and Mrs. Cromwell, Kix and Karissa, were expected to have their own duties. Karissa would enthusiastically greet the guests and Kix would very unenthusiastically sing carols with the boys’ choir in the family auditorium when the time came.
Kix was in the auditorium, awaiting for the family clock to ring to signal the time to perform. He was already in his church attire, waiting for the time to sing. His parents always wanted him to get to the auditorium a few minutes earlier, so that they “wouldn’t have to wait for him”. The boys were backstage, getting themselves ready.
After I’m done singing, Karissa will make fun of my voice. My parents will laugh, everyone else will begin to leave and I won’t even have time to eat the Christmas pastries. What’s the point of this?
The door creaked open. Kix turned around, towards the sound.
A girl about his age had slipped inside, humming and skipping in a rather loud and not-so-subtle manner. Her hands waved around in the air, her gold dress with the red sash swaying all around her. The lights in the auditorium were dim, but he could still her eyes sparkle with joy, as though she didn’t have a care in the world.
“Hey there!” Kix called out, hoping that he didn’t disturb her.
The girl stopped. For a moment, she seemed confused. Then her eyes began to register with thoughts, her face flushed red and she slouched as though she wanted to crawl deep into her own skin.
“I’m so sorry for bothering you and being annoying, I thought that there was nobody here and I just wanted to have some time alone and I know that I might have bothered you and-“
“Hey now, slow down. You didn’t mean to bother anybody, right?” Kix asked.
The girl nodded.
“I came here because I just felt like singing and dancing. It makes me feel calmer. My parents don’t want me doing it in public because they say that people will look at me and that it’s not appropriate for a girl my age to be doing all of that because people will think I’m crazy. I mean, I can hide it, but soon it starts to get on my nerves and I just have to get it somehow and-“
The girl stopped herself, her face flushing an even deeper shade of red.
“I probably shouldn’t be telling you all of this.” The girl said.
She turned around, about to run, but Kix called:
“Don’t go yet! I want to talk to you!”
The girl stopped. She turned back around, towards him.
She walked down the auditorium and sat next to him, her shoulders all bunched up as though she were afraid to utter another word.
“I’m Kix. What’s your name?” He asked, hoping that if he used small-talk, he’d be able to make a friend. His parents always said to just start with the basics, that it wasn’t that hard, but it wasn’t so easy when his words felt all choked inside every single time.
“Ysabelle.” She said.
“That’s a lovely name! This time of year certainly demands a lot of attention, doesn’t it? I’m going to sing with a choir in this auditorium any minute now! I’m not particularly excited about it, but the rules still stand that I must do it for the sake of tradition. Does that frustrate you? That you have to do something because everybody else wants you to do it? Because that’s expected of you?” Kix asked.
Ysabelle nodded, her shoulders relaxing a bit. Kix felt his heart simmer with warmth. From what he could gather, she seemed like an endearing, adorable individual. Seeing her demeanor change right when noticed her made him feel as though he stabbed a lamb. How terrible it was that she wanted to run away so quickly!
“I don’t know why I act the way I act. I’m aware that singing, dancing and talking to myself aren’t things that are normal for a fourteen year old girl, but I can’t help it. It just happens. I wish it didn’t, but it does. I used to not care about it when I was little, but now, it seems like everybody is pointing it out, like a blister or a scab. Am I being annoying? Sorry if I’m talking too much, you can tell me to stop.” Ysabelle said, her voice trembling as though she was anxious to end the conversation as soon as possible.
Kix would try to do what she wanted, but not before he let her know that there was nothing to worry about.
“No, it’s fine. Let it all out. Is this your first time at our Christmas party? I don’t think that I’ve seen you before.” Kix said.
Granted, he never paid much attention to the guests, so maybe he had seen her before and just didn’t remember her, but deep down, he purely felt as though that moment was the first time he saw her.
“My family goes to a bunch of different rich Christmas parties every year, we’ve never been to this one.” Ysabelle confessed.
Before Kix could say a word, the grandfather clock in the auditorium let a thunderous GONG noise, the sound that told him to join the choir boys backstage.
“My performance is about to start! Stay right up front, you’ll see me better! I’ll be sure to make this party fun for you!” Kix said, hoping that Ysabelle wouldn’t leave.
She smiled at him, he smiled back. There were so many other things that he wished to talk to her about and so little time to do it. Her company was lovely, she brought about a certain sweet essence to the air!
No matter, he’d try talking to her some other time! She probably didn’t live that far anyway.
Perhaps Kix’s Christmas wasn’t going to be entirely unhappy after all.
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I enjoy how you posted this alternative story version with Kix's perspective of the same story with Ysabelle. Kix seems a lot more confident than Ysabelle yet has his own burdens to deal with in his parents expectations too.
A few comments...
I still find it a bit unlikely that the boys are wearing "church robes" which I think would typically indicate liturgical wear for worship leadership. I think "choir robes" or "church choir robes" would be the better term here to indicate what you are meaning.
Also I think that chunk of dialogue where it doesn't seem like Ysabelle really responds to Kix's questions still seems unresolved in this version - it seems like the two characters are talking past each other instead of to each other.
I love Kix's reflections on watching Ysabelle dance and the contrast between them both, Ysabelle (in her chapter) is so self-conscious and nervous, anxious and scattered, but Kix sees her as "care free" and light and lovely. It would be interesting to read more interactions to come!
I think you could draw out a little more just what specifically is drawing Kix to Ysabelle - is his own life too structured that she seems like a good opposite? What's his thought process?
Another area of expansion might be the actual dancing and singing - that could be a great opportunity for imagery, what were her movements like? Was she waving her arms or twirling in tight circles or leaping around? Describing it a little more will help the reader get a picture in their head and connect with the scene.
Have a good day! Hope some of this was helpful for you!
alliyah
Team Berry Cool Crew
We are so gonna get more than 100 reviews. Won’t you want to join and write a few more, too, creeper? :3
This is also one of these moments where you basically say the same thing twice. He’s awaiting and he’s waiting. That’s not very interestingly phrased.In any case: Final story of Kix and Ysa. Onward! For Violet Victory!
I like how this clarifies why the kids have chores during parties. Good job on that!
Ok since we are getting the same story twice I was hoping you would add some thoughts of Kix’ at least here: Yet we get nothing ☹ Just the same sentence we already had before.
And please start thinking about doing the dialogue formatting correctly. You said you want to publish your stories? If you get into the habit now, it will be easier for the published stories. Just going over your story again before you post it to make sure that the formatting is on point would also help so much. Because sometimes I feel like you don’t really care about what you throw out here when you don’t want to even go through the trouble of checking your punctuation ☹
Yeah I really liked the beginning of this story bc it added context to Kix’ presence here and that’s really nice. But then, I feel like you didn’t do enough with the added perspective. It’s lit. the same dialogue etc without any additional thoughts from Kix that would justify the second story. I mean it is kinda obvious from her story already that he is quite fond of her.
I feel like adding his POV here just kinda diminished Ysabelle’s version in hindsight. I was at least hoping we would get to see the performance and meet some of the other boys that are in the choir.
Hi whoever this is!
Your story is amazing but have some little teeny tiny problems such as just right here,
“I came here because I just felt like singing and dancing".
Just is not needed in my POV.
I am not that sure but read it again and see if it really suits there.
Apart from that and a few small mistakes you've done an amazing job. I would love if you could explain what happens next and maybe their feelings. You know when you say more about there feelings it keeps he reader wanting to reaad more. So hope you pay attention to that. Otherwise this is a great story and I am sure people would love it as much as I do... KEEP ON WRITING!
Thanks! I have more stories of this underneath my folder %u201CJester and fairy%u201D.