*This story is underneath my folder titled “Jester and fairy”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1005. Enjoy and Scary Creepmas!*
Ysabelle sat on the couch, awaiting her Christmas present. Every year it was the same thing, so she hoped that at ten years old, she would get something different.
Dad handed a present wrapped in red to her. Ysabelle glanced at the Christmas tree and found that there were no other gifts beneath it. She didn’t let that disappoint her, though. Every year, her parents gave her one gift while her Grandparents gave her many at their house.
Maybe that one gift would be something that Ysabelle would treasure for years and years to come.
Mom watched from her armchair as Ysabelle tore through the paper, Dad watched standing up.
There was a small black box, a soft kind of box that Ysabelle knew all too well. She hoped it as her heart sank further and further down her chest…
It was a diamond necklace, just like the jewelry that she received every year, the only things that she owned besides hair accessories, clothes and shoes. Not once did she ever get a doll. Not a rag doll or a porcelain doll. Not once did she ever get a silent little creature she could hug and call “her friend”.
Yet still, it was something that every little girl wanted, according to her parents, so she smiled and said:
“It’s the most beautiful thing in the world! I love it!”
Her parents grinned in a satisfactory manner, as though they had did a job well done.
Meanwhile, Ysabelle tried her best not to cry as she felt the edges of the diamonds give small cuts on her palms.
Did they only think that she liked jewelry? Did they just want to dress her up and never give her something “lowly” because it “wasn’t right for her”?
Would they ever care?
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Hey Creeper! I'm definitely seeing some connections from this story and the last one I reviewed - Karissa and Ysabelle need to swap gifts! Karissa longed for a necklace and Ysabelle wanted a new doll! Interesting... wonder where that's going!
Suggestions for expansion:
> Since the necklace is the primary object / subject of the whole story I think it could do with a little more description! Is the chain silver, is it gold? Is the diamond a princess cut or a box cut? Is it embellished with metal fixtures?
> I think the story makes some odd assumptions that I wished were delved into more rather than just being stated.
For instance: "it was something every little girl wanted" -> I think most little girls would not actually want a diamond necklace, but rather something to play with? Wonder what has conditioned her to make that assumption?
Also: "Would they ever care?" - > the story itself doesn't lay the foundation on why Ysabelle assumes her parents don't care about her... they seem concerned for her reactions and give her gifts? Why does she have this insecurity? Most parents care greatly for their children so establishing a little context would make the claim have more punch.
As with the last chapter / short story I reviewed, it does not feel like a complete plot. There is exposition and a minimal amount of characterization and conflict, but no resolution.
Have a good day!
And another! For Violet Victory!
Yep. Karissa would have loved it here. Definitely.
Also… I start to sympathize with Ysabelle a little less considering she has grandparents who give her gifts too. So yes it is quite disappointing that her own parents cannot for the life of them get what she rly wants, or at least choose to ignore her, but she has other gift givers! What do the grandparents give her? It cant be more jewelry, right? She said that they give her “many” gifts after all, if that would be all jewelry…they couldn’t expect her to wear that all? @.@
It also sounds, by the way she thinks abt it to herself that she just never really mentioned her distaste? I mean there are things besides dolls etc that they could give her that isn’t jewels…