*This story is under my folder “Nothing will be lost”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic/117842-my-character-designs-lt-33-3?start=135. Enjoy!*
Cadell watched closely from the bushes. The boy had run back inside and left his action figures on the grass.
Cadell knew that it was bad to go in other people’s yards and snoop on them, but his parents were going to put the mask on him, and he wanted some time alone.
He pounced from the bushes and snatched up a few action figures, toys that his parents didn’t want to get him. He wouldn’t take too much, only a little bit.
“Hey! Get away from my toys now!” The boy cried out.
Cadell froze, dropping the toys in shock. The boy came out so fast, and he was rightfully upset with Cadell. How could he sneak in, as though he belonged?
“I-I’m sorry. I just wanted to play. I’ll…I’ll go now.” Cadell said.
Nobody was supposed to sneak in anybody’s yards, ever. His parents were waiting, it was best not to stay too long.
“Wait! You said you just wanted to play, right?” The boy asked.
Cadell stopped in his tracks. He nodded. What was the boy getting at?
“Come over! Play with me!” The boy said, waving him over.
For real? The boy wanted him around?
“Really?” Cadell asked.
“Yeah, uh…uhm…what’s your name?”
“Cadell.” He said.
The boy beamed brightly at him, just as Roxie did a few years ago.
“I’m Ansel. Come on now, play with me!” The boy cried out excitedly.
Cadell joined him, wasting not a second at the prospect of playing with a new friend.
Roxie and Ansel were his friends. He wasn’t alone anymore.
He had friends. People who cared enough to want his time!
Nothing could get better than that!
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Canary word: Present
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138,660 Literary Works • 672,196 Reviews
Hi creeper! Another nice little story. Aside from the mention of Cadell's parents, there's nothing creepy here really, just two sweet little kids!
A nice opening! But there's a typo where you said 'let' instead of 'left'
Nice characterisation here, but I don't think this needs to be a separate line, it could be a continuation of the paragraph to make it a longer opening.
You should mention which toys he took! It would tell us more about his character!
Should be a comma after 'now' and before the quotes. But poor Cadell
Same here, should be a comma and a lowecase H
THIS IS TOO WHOLESOME I'M SCARED WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO THEM NOW (Maybe you could add a tiny creepy little cliffhanger?)
Keep writing!