Howdy there cowpoke. My apologies that your chapter has been sitting in the green room for long but at least it's getting cleared out during this review day.
It is a rather short chapter but I can see that you still have a lot of details fit into this space. Even without the prior knowledge from the first chapter, the readers become aware of a few of the characters involved and the issue that they're currently grappling with. I can see that they've crashed somewhere under some mysterious circumstances and now they're waiting for someone to come and get them. The sequence at the end of the chapter is a little bit awkward though with the characters casually going into breakfast amid this danger. And it seems like something that would have been better fit for continuing in a new chapter.
There are a couple of major formatting issues going on within this chapter - mainly the faults with your dialogue formatting. I can see that there are two sides to the conversation but with the formatting that you're using, it only notes that one person is talking. This, along with a lack of dialogue tags, makes this a very confusing story to get through. It looks like the entire first portion of the chapter is all dialogue, but there is very little to note that this was going on. And that definitely needs to be fixed to make this chapter a cleaner read.
The one other thing I wanted to talk about is just perhaps the lack of creativity in this chapter? There's a clear place that it's going but the details are just kind of lacking. It could have been more exciting and more of a basis to grip the readers in. I think that all of this is just wrapped up in the dialogue issues and then where the story spirals back and forth from.
So if you have any questions about this review or anything else, just let me know.
Happy review day.
- Jack
Points: 650
Reviews: 766
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