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125,015 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Haah..no -.-
God Almighty! Either laugh or don't laugh xD!!
No, I don't think he does..
No, he would be severly creeped out!!
I'm sure he has some cute gay boyfriend to write him poetry *cries* Haaha
Haha, yeah i was laughing actually-err no.....does B1 read poetry? i think he'd be stunned if he knew that you wrote this. B1 doesn't know what he's missing. Spectacular!
Hi Dannielle.
Thank you :]
Yeah it's a pretty hard emotion to shake isn't it.
Aww thank's very much, and the same to you!
Chynel.
Thank you so much!
Leonie when you say you're not laughing..you tend to be laughing :] It's fine if you are though, i don't mind.
Haah thanks but no, it's not!
Thanks again,
Chynel.
Hello Aussie.
Thank you so so much! I read a few translations of that poem and it's quite emotional- i really like it. Thank you so much for the comparison :3
Like my other poem, this was written in the heat of the moment and really late at night. I was kind of moody (and obviously jealous!).
Yes, i know my spelling is atrocious!
Well when i added in the line about the blue eyes i had done so on purpose. I wanted there to be a moment in the poem where the speaker of the poem suddenly breaks through to reality after being in such a trance-like state (because of the jealousy clouding her vision!). I wanted it to be a moment where you realise, the reader is just a woman. An ordinary woman who as the title suggests, wanted the man more than anything.
Thank you so much for the help! I will take it all on board!
Chynel.
This was a good poem. I understand the emotions behind it completely. I'm sorry if this happened to you. It does hurt. You are a good writer and you seem to describe that feeling perfectly. You are a great writer. Keep writing. I hope you have many amazing days to come.
~Dannielle~
Wow. This poem is so you. Its so good because its so different-thats not a bad thing. By the way, i'm not laughing as i'm saying this-i'm genuinely impressed. You don't give yourself enough credit for your writing-it's equally as remarkable as your drawing. I'm so jealous. No kidding. I'm glad i get to read your stuff here because i probably wouldn't have seen it in school. love it.
Leonie
Hi there,
So from a technical standpoint, I am totally impressed with this poem. I've been translating the poetry of Sappho from Ancient Greek and your poem reminds me a lot of her jealousy poem, so be flattered - you've given personality and form to the abstract idea of jealousy, just like one of the greatest poetesses of antiquity wrote about the physical sensations of jealousy. Bravo. I am very impressed with your technique; you are well on your way to becoming a proficient poet.
On the downside, there are a lot of spelling errors in the poem, which is forgivable but makes it hard to take the poem seriously. Also, I would look at some of your sentences, which are in some cases not complete sentences and should be changed. Think about what you're saying, too; when you mentioned the part about the blue eyes, it took on a petty air, and that's not the tone of the poem and not what you're going for, I'm sure. I'm not sure what else to say; you've done something I rarely see on this site, so congratulations, but the poem is also a little bit flat, and I don't know how to help you fix that. Maybe if you make the lines more similar in length? I don't know. Well done, though.
PM me if you have any questions.
-Aussie