Daddy I'm no little girl anymore

Hey, Chips here with a review.

Well, this was a really lovely yet sad poem. You captured the emotion in it wonderfully and made the reader feel empathetic. I liked the simplicity and focus of how it was written so good job on that!

I have a few suggestions which may be of help to you.

"I can accept the facts

that Grandma's in the hospital

and may not be coming back."

This was a nice opening. But instead of, "facts" I think, *fact* would have fit better.

"Trust us both we've grown"

I think that there should be a comma after, "us" to create a pause for the reader to think.


Overall, this was a really lovely poem. Hope this review helped. Keep writing!


--Chippy

This is just beautiful.

Hi! What a beautiful poem. I almost wanted to cry while reading it, because I miss my grandparents! Losing them is hard. I also remember my dad breaking his hip. To see someone you've viewed as so strong become so fallible to the ravages of time really changes a young persons view on life. It makes you grow in a different way, spiritually.

My personal favorite line is: To close your eyes every night and pray for tomorrow's unknown.
It mirrors perfectly with this line at the end "Tomorrow is promised to no one, mommy always says". It wraps the poem up perfectly.

My only complaints are: Trust us both we've grown. read as one entire sentence it doesn't really make sense. With a comma: "Trust us both, we've grown" its a little better, but I still don't feel like it captures the full effect.
Maybe something like "Trust us both, we've aged, and grown." Would remind the readers that kids are aged in a way by tragedies in the family, and the effect aging, and growing has which is larger than anyone notices at the time when they spend every day with someone.

My second complaint is the line: "I know it's hard to see, but there's no need to shield and protect me from what is plain to see." If its plain to see than why is it hard to see? It doesn't really show that you've switched from what the dad can see to what the daughter can see. Maybe if you put: there's no need to shield and protect me from what is plain to me" ?

The end really hits hard, like I said it is emotional and captures love and grief and the brevity of life beautifully. Keep writing!

This is good! It really makes you think about how quickly people grow and change.

There were a few grammatical errors, and a line or two that didn't make much sense. I'll touch on them, but nothing to worry about! It was still awesome!

"Trust us both we've grown"
To me, this line didn't make a lot of sense. Maybe, "Trust me, we both have grown."

"To comfort that other important woman my mother and your wife"
Two things about this line. There should be a , or ; in-between woman and my. Also, this is just me, but the rest of the poem rhymed but this one didn't as far as I can see, and it kind of stuck out like a sore thumb.


Just some minor nitpicks, but nothing to be too worried about. I loved it nonetheless.

Keep being awesome!

Kendastic