Young Writers Society

Hey!!

I love the title!! It drew me in!!

Just a few nitpicks, though!

So, in the second line, I think the whole thing would sound better and flow more without the 'why?'

Also, maybe try changing up the last two lines so that they don't have the same ending word.

Also, in the 6th line, in the end is used repetitively and the piece would flow better without it.

After the 7th line, maybe you could create another line that rhymes, maybe?

Well, all in all, you got your point across and that's the most important thing, right? Well, it was great! So is all of your other work!

Keep writing!! ['cause your great at it!!],
~Tiff

Hello! May I say this is true to all of us (at least me) and I really enjoyed it. The lines are a little lengthy and I would have seperated them, but that is just me. Stanzas of one line are not my favorite thing to read because they tend to be choppy. If you broke the sentences into two then made two line stanzas I believe the flow would work much better.
For example
"Is your hate so strong
That it has become a hobby"
To me that is much more flowing feel to it.
Other then that the poem was very good, keep writing!!!

Hello! May I say this is true to all of us (at least me) and I really enjoyed it. The lines are a little lengthy and I would have seperated them, but that is just me. Stanzas of one line are not my favorite thing to read because they tend to be choppy. If you broke the sentences into two then made two line stanzas I believe the flow would work much better.
For example
"Is your hate so strong
That it has become a hobby"
To me that is much more flowing feel to it.
Other then that the poem was very good, keep writing!!!