My Pride

Hello, Wolf here to do some reviewing!

First of all, I have to say that I just loved the way you began this piece. It really caught my attention.
Although I found that your line breaks(i think that's the proper term for it) a little confusing.
Personally, I think it would make the poem flow better if you made small changes like...

"From the beginning,
a disappointment"
Instead of
"From the beginning, a
disappointment"

and

"Nobody expects much
from someone who can't change gears"
instead of
"Nobody expects much from
someone who can’t change gears".

But that could just be me. I saw several other places where I think your could move the line-breaks to make it flow better. But I'm not going to nit-pick them all(if you would like me to point them all our feel free to PM me).
I don't know if anyone else does this, but I tend to give just a slight pause whenever going from one line to the next while reading poetry. Because of this, when writing poetry I tend to put my line breaks at places you would expect to find a pause anyway(after periods and commas), or at places that could use a little more tension. This isn't always possible, dues to the fact that poetry usually has a lot of line-breaks(if I'm not using the right term please correct me).

You did a really good job with conveying the emotion in this piece. I really feel for the view point person/character.
I have never read the short story you have based this off of; so I didn't really have any idea what to expect from a poem titled "My Pride". But you pulled this off beautifully! I kinda want to read the short story now. XD

I don't really have much else to say. I quite liked this piece. So...

Just keep writing!!!
~WW

Hello and welcome to YoungWritersSociety if I am unmistaken!

This poem hints with fun ques of creativity but could use some more captivating vocabulary, voice and line break-structure- too start. What I mean by the line breaks is that it seemed almost random like it was to fill the quota of the line with the rest. The line break should be in a place that wouldn't violate the integrity of the poem with a pause, 'cause the reader will almost always pause to read the next line. In this poem the line break stifles flow. The vocabulary should range from new unique words- THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW- to help make the poem unique in-itself. If you are ever unsure of a word, however, don't use it in a poem. Now Voice simply would be with that vocab you used, like a bundle of words that define you as a writer.

Now if I am too vague and you would like to for me to explain something I have already said then you can PM me anytime, thank you.

your hero,
ImHero

You are new *Welcomes you with open arms and gives you an invisible gift *

Now hey,

I read your poem and am quite impressed. Yes, It was very good for a starter. Is this your first poem? It seems like it and I must say it is really amazing.

The best part about your poem, the idea or plot behind it is very clear. I can understand what you mean clearly.

The formatting had a little problem here and there was basically no punctuation. So truthfully the piece lacked both punctuation and grammar too. They both are really important when it comes to writing anything, from poems to stories so you must (NOTE: must) concentrate on it and try to add it in your pieces. You can always search about it on google. Trust me, it's quite easy, you just need to concentrate a bit.

Here's an easy tip: Where ever you feel like there should be a small pause add a comma and when you feel the sentence is over then add a full stop. After learning this you can go over to exclamation marks and stuff.

Then comes my favorite part of the poem i.e. what I liked the most :

"Running from the storm

leaving my pride behind
desperate for my comfort

Flooded by childish spite, I
turned around

Waiting

for an answer that would
never come

For he, was long gone"

So overall, as I already said, I loved your poem and if you ever need any help just ask me, I would be most honored to help. Plus all the best for your next posts

Umaima

Htre. I'm going to try my best to review this. I remember reading the Scarlett Ibis in English this past year. I definitely think that I can relate/connect to this considering that I have already read it, wrote an essay on, took notes on it and was tested on it. Anyway, I felt like this was a very realistic piece. I also think it is relatable to real life-at that's what's sad about it. A boy is swallowed by his pride, so much that his brother meets his demise.
This poem d idn't have the cleanest transitions; however it was powerful and a crisp interpretation of a story. Lines such as "The darkness became filled with nightmares" painted a very vivid image in my head and really made this that much better. Therefore, I have to say nicely done.

This is a great poem . I really love the way you have set it up . Keep up the good work

This is a great poem . I really love the way you have set it up . Keep up the good work