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Young Writers Society


16+ Violence Mature Content

Lone Man's Cry

by carkes


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.

The guns sound

The wind howls

"They are advancing!

Push back!"

Is what lieutenant yells

Men peep from the trench

Shooting out mindless blows

I shot a man a brain became a hole

A machine gun in a foxhole

Came out shredding men apart

Out came their hearts

O, where is the soul

When an enemy man departs

He played a role, in a family

He had goals, he cared happily

Never thought of revolt

never thought of killing a man's family

Never thought of giving out shots

Never was that a want

Shooting men lazily

Starving until his vision became hazy

A soldier asked, "What calamity have we committed?"

I said, "What didn't we?"

Another man falls through my iron sights

His chest punched in

The war has gone on and on,

Our uniform is just for show

But the people shouldn't know

Then tanks start roaring like lions

Shooting and showing their yellow lights

Men blown apart entirely

A half there then another here

Men in the trench cried quietly

Some men rushing us screamed out fight me

Waves of bullets, waves of men

The trees fall, the dirt piles

It rained and men fall

Dead or not, you'll fall on someone who is

The meat grinder

Where the system cares so little

It sent men with fiddles

Bang, bang

Men fall

Till one stood

The cry left misunderstood,

The cry to end was left for good

No man's land kept the name

Till a man stood and stared with gouged eyes

We simply stood

Men aimed but never shoot

Their bravery cured

And Understood

He was man

And stood for his country

Bravey wasn't cured

It was inhumanity

He sought our deaths

Such intense hate

He stumbled to us,

Eyes gone

An arm fallen

A limp in the step

He raised an arm

And let the grenade fly


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542 Reviews


Points: 41664
Reviews: 542

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Sat Aug 12, 2023 10:30 pm
Liminality says...



Hello carkes! Welcome to YWS. I thought this was a well-developed war poem, and there were lots of lines that really highlight the horrors of combat:

I shot a man a brain became a hole


This one is visceral, and it is effective because it shows how quickly a life 'disappears' in modern warfare.

Till one stood

The cry left misunderstood,

The cry to end was left for good


Some of the lines like these three seemed rather cryptic - are the two 'cries' the same cry? They seem different to me but I'm not totally sure why.

The ending of the poem is haunting - it's not often that the speaker of the poem is implied to be killed at the end.

Keep writing!




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663 Reviews


Points: 11295
Reviews: 663

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Sun Aug 06, 2023 7:22 pm
Messenger wrote a review...



Hey there! The title and description intrigued me, and I was not disappointed.

As an overall, I really love this piece. I love the WWI setting, I've always found it intense and dark, and horrific. Also, having seen Oppenheimer recently the theme of war and right and wrong in that setting has been in a more popular conscience the last month. There are a few little grammar nitpicks that I noticed

I shot a man a brain became a hole


I actually really liked this line, but you either need a period or a semicolon after "man"

Men aimed but never shoot


Given that most of the poem is in the past tense, it seems like shoot should be shot.

Their bravery cured

And Understood

He was man

I didn't understand why Understood was capitalized here

There were also a few lines I found clever, such as "Dead or not, you'll you'll fall on someone who is".

I do like the overall sentiment in this piece, that perhaps much of war is a waste, just pawns being moved around with no personal fight in themselves. WWI I think was more so this way than WWII where there were some clear and present horrors happening. Trench warfare though, just seemed like such an absurd and wasteful use of resources and life, but was also necessary to keep lines held. The technology just didn't quite match the time period, similar to the Civil War.

Would love to see more pieces like this, and welcome to YWS! If you are very into history I would recommend looking up Sabaton, which is a band that does historical music.

~Messy




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