She sat with lips firmly shut,
A silent world engulfing.
Yet treasures could be found in the crevices of her mind,
Worlds, words and notions,
Thought of, but never spoken.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,312 Literary Works • 672,102 Reviews
You have captured a writer very, very well. GREAT job.
Hello, Gymanst2801 here with a review!
I really liked this poem, it's short and simple but there where still a few things that could use some correction:
"She sat with her lips firmly shut,"
Okay, I know that two other people have pointed this out but I do agree with them on the fact that "firmly shut" is overused and not quite the right words. Maybe try brainstorming for some other words to out there.
Also, I think that you ment for this poem to be very short, right? Well it is and that's fine but it just feels...unfinished to me. I think that you could add more to this poem and answer more questions that are in the readers mind. Maybe add in a few more scentances or something like that to make it feel finished.
Well, I think that's it! Have a good day/night and keep writing!
Thank you so much for the review
I see what you mean about it feeling unfinished ... i'm definitely going to see if I can change that 
Hey!
I really liked this poem! For being your first it was really good. I think if you added more metaphors and maybe more literary devices it would make this work more poetic and beautiful. Also I really like imagery in my poetry, I think it's a huge part of poetry.
"She sat with lips firmly shut,"
I think 'firmly shut' is a little overused. I would be nice to see a metaphor or a simile here.
Anyway sorry this review was so short >.<
I hope it was helpful,
Alice
If you haven't written poetry very much, this isn't half bad for a start! ^_^ and I mean that as a good thing. I like how you rhymed the words and, to be honest, I liked the concept. I like the idea that there is more thought than spoken, and more to the, "quiet girl," than you'd think. Overall, nice job.
~Kat
(Happy writing, I'll be interested to see as you practice more!)
Hi! Just a quick review on this one:
I think it would be nicer to have a simile here because 'firmly shut' is a little over used and doesn't really add the right emphasis. Perhaps instead try something like:
She sat with lips closed tight
like Spanish bars at Siesta;
a silent world engulfing.
It flows a little more smoothly and paints a stronger picture. Of course, you can have a simile which appeals to you. Also 'sat' is a little plain. Perhaps 'reclined' or 'perched' would be more interesting?
That's it! I like the half rhyme of notion and spoken and I think the poem flows very nicely for something so short. I'd normally say it needs to be longer, but this makes a nice statement as it is. You could maybe describe the world a little more - give us an idea of whether this writer is creating a fantasy world or a ghost novel or maybe even something 'written again' - realism/ historic fiction.
If you do decide to expand it, don't over-do it though. I think a lot of people get carried away when writing poems about writing.
Thanks for the read!
~Heather
Thanks so much for the review - they're really good points too
No problem!