I am oxygen.
The vacuum between your fingers. The residue of a word. I embrace you with what’s left of me, of what else is not yet consumed of me. I count the spaces that keep us apart. Almost, but not quite there yet.
I am hydrogen.
Hydrogen mixed with the bitter taste of my past life. I submerge you with breaths but not quite suffocating you just yet. I cannot feel your warmth anymore. You have dissolved into the waves.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,828 Reviews
This was quite interesting. The format especially caught my eye when I clicked onto your poem. I just suggest that you break up the poem so like:
"Hydrogen mixed with the bitter taste of my past life.
I submerge you with breaths,
but not quite suffocating you just yet."
The only time you want that format in a poem is if it is going to be a couplet poem which this is not one. But for the most part it is excellent just considering changing the format, great job!
Well, that makes absolute sense! I haven't thought about breaking the lines up until now. Hmm.
i think its a wonderful poem it is very interesting!i just think if you change the format the rythme will be easier to understand
First off, I would say that this is general poetry, maybe dramatic, or possibly realistic, but it definitely feels like poetry to me.
Secondly, you did a very good job. You have good imagery and your use of language is excellent. Your spelling and grammar can also be complimented.
If you intend for this to become poetry however, I do have one suggestion for you. Currently the majority of your work is in paragraphs. I would switch that to stanzas.
For example:
Some authors add a new line to a stanza after every punctuation mark, others do not. I simply did it this way for the example.
If you don't want to do it this way, that's perfectly fine. This is your work and it should be written and presented whichever way you want it.
All-in-all, I thought that this was very good.
HT
Thanks! The thing is, I haven't written much poetry to realize that this would have made absolute sense when broken up. Thank you so much!
Apparently I should have included more than I did to get this out of the Green Room. So ignore this next part as a repost:
"As is, this is poetic prose *snarls and slashes at screen*...Ahem. *straightens tie*. Sorry.
Anyway, yes this is prose, but no it's not a story. If you broke up all the sentences into new lines, then this would be a poem. This was interesting."
Now for the new additions to the review.
I'm curious. What do you mean by "I count the spaces that keep us apart"? You could go on for a few more sentences to elaborate.
"Hydrogen mixed with the bitter taste of my past life." I didn't specifically pick this out before, but you have "hydrogen" starting this paragraph, and you don't start the oxygen one with "oxygen". I'd get rid of it to stay consistent with the style.
Now I hope this helps.
Ohh, okay, consistency it is. Thank you for that advice! Though, would it have worked as poetic prose better than a real poem? Or do you think it would've been better if it was a poem?
Based on the current length, I would say an actual poem. Glad it helped.
Knight Dragon, here to review!
As is, this is poetic prose *snarls and slashes at screen*...Ahem. *straightens tie*. Sorry.
Anyway, yes this is prose, but no it's not a story. If you broke up all the sentences into new lines, then this would be a poem. This was interesting.
Hope this helps!
Knight Malachi to review.
This is definitely poetic. Like Dreamy said it could probably go to music as well. Lots of songs are made from poetry. So since it is poetry I would divide it into stanzas. But leave the two lines that start with "I am . . ." the way they are. That is a good beginning to a stanza, and I would leave the spaces between it and the rest of the poem.
Error-wise I saw no problems.
Keep it up!
Ohhh, okay. Aww, thanks.
I'll keep that in mind when I try re-writing this. 
It's lyrical, it will go well if you rap it
Really? How is it lyrical? Wait, I'll go on and check what exactly that is.
It's definitely not a story though. In a odd way it sounds poetic. Like a love note maybe.
Yeah... Hmm, I didn't visualize it as a lyrical sort of piece when I was writing it but I guess it does have that sort of vibe. And it does look like a love note. Thank you for that feedback!