Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
Do you know what you mean to me?
To me, you mean the sky, the clouds, and the world.
I love you more than the British love tea.
Cupid is here,
He's in the air.
And when you die,
I don't know what I'll do.
Maybe I'll fly
Or eat some bad food.
Please fucking forgive me!
For when I go,
I wont have a key.
"Fuck no!"
Is what they'll say.
So then I'll be one my way.
I don't know where I'll go.
Maybe I'll haunt a family,
But there's no fucking way I'll go to hell.
The only reason I'm saying this,
Is 'cause I feel under your spell.
For FUCK'S sake,
I don't even know you.
No one does.
Your not even fucking REAL!
But your voice still sounds like a coo.
What "coo" you say? A coo from a dove, of course.
To show that I still love you .
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139,672 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
Hello! Lati here to do a review for you. But, before I begin... Your picture. <3 *I love Perks of Being a Wallflower.*
First off... This would be my love life as a poem. Although, mine is unrequited.
Okay, now to actually start... I enjoyed reading this poem. In a way, it might be good that you cried while writing this. I'm saying this because it's possible that you were crying because you were putting your emotions into this poem, and it's good to put your emotions into the things you write because it can show people who you really are, if you know what I mean.
Okay, now the things I don't like/things you might want to correct...
1. The excessive use of the f word. It's okay to have it a couple of times, but I think you used it a little too much. Although, this is just my opinion...
2. In line 21, FUCK'S should be FUCKS, because it's not a contraction, it's possessive.
3. In line 12, you forgot the comma in won't.
4. In line 15, one my way should be on my way.
5. In line 24, Your should be You're.
I'm pretty sure that's it.
Now for the things I like...
1. The third line. I find the mention of British people loving tea funny, and I'm not even British.
2. The whole poem.
Well, I think that's everything. I really liked this poem, and I hope to read more of your stuff in the future! Don't stop writing.
Keep Writing,
Lati <3
This poem is really interesting. It seems like an explosion of thoughts, which can sometimes be good or bad depending on the topic. As for this poem, I thought it was pretty cool how you stuck to one subject: love or the meaning of it to a person. This is really good for getting your thoughts out to a person whom you care very much about, but for further construction I'd say slow down the pace (like the person below says), perhaps by specifying some things or expressing how truly, truly in love with this person you are (or the narrator is) by showing how far you love goes for this person, how much of a struggle it is for you not to love this person, what it takes to love this person--whatever you can to make this person understand your feelings! That might make it so much stronger.
Okay, I was very confused.by the "you('re) not even real" line, but you go back to talking about the coo. Are they real or not?
The overuse of the f word is overwhelming, I'll admit. I use curse words when I talk sometimes but i don't get away with it. I know it's easier to express oneself using these words, buy there are so many better words in the English language, some you can find which specifically suit what you are feeling.
I totally liked the comparisons between love and other things in the beginning. That's really strong for this poem, I think. Cool!
Keep going! Happy Writing!
The person isn't real. It's a person he made up and what I was going for was that he was going crazy and he made a person up that would be his version of a perfect soul mate. He's just saying that he would kill himself if the person he made up died. He used the person as a crutch to get away from reality and now even his imagination is going crazy and he wants to end it.
Hi,
Interesting poem. I understand that the over all message is to talk about how things would be if you didn't have whoever the subject of the poem is about. I think that this poem is somewhat fast paced in terms of things that you're talking about because you switch from talking about how much you love that person to talking about how things would be like if you didn't have them really fast. There's a lot of enjambment in this poem as well, where you continue the poem through different lines as opposed to full sentences or phrases. I do have a few things to say for constructive criticism,
in the line, "Your not even fucking real" the correct form is you're.
I don't understand the significance of the last line
"But your voice still sounds like a coo.
What "coo" you say? A coo from a dove, of course.
To show that I still love you ."
Anyways, excellent poem! I always appreciate writers and their works because I know how much emotion and time they put into their work, so keep going at it!