As she sees him walk away,
she recalls what happened that day.
She gathered all her courage and stepped forward,
Crossing the line that seemed to be a boarder.
And everything that she planned to say,
somehow just vanished away.
Closer and closer her destination came.
She hope her crush would not put her to shame.
She finally reached where he stood,
and tried to get the words out as best she could.
He looked at her with all the attention he had.
(Did he think she was mad?)
When she finally asked what she came for,
he smiled and replied," Does a bird soar?"
She smiled and nodded her head and said, "I would guess"
Then he smiled and said, "My answer is yes."
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi ya! This is Mcleo1 here. Gonna make a short review.
Well this poem is really really sweet. I really like it. It's like a nostalgia for school crushes
Well first off, this line,
"(Did she think she was mad?)" I think you made a typo and put she instead of he lol.
I can't really say anything bad about this poem. I hope this is alright. Really short review, but keep up with the good job. The plot of this is really mushy and sweet and was structured really well as well. It was also really realistic.
Thanks for pointing out the typo and I went in and changed it, and thanks for the review!
'Ello, it's cello!
Here for a quick review.
When it comes to meaningful poems/poems that tell a meaningful story I always avoid rhyming. A lot of times it takes away from the work but I think you made this work. Very well. *Likes poem*
This was written very well and very beautifully. It found myself nervous for the MC and I'm very glad it came to such a happy (and cute) ending. I really want to help you edit and improve but with my love of this work I'm limited to nitpicking.
All for gay couples but you've made it clear the crush was male. The first 'she' should be changed to a 'he'.
A lot of little things here. The spacing around the first quote is a little funky. Additionally, you need a period after 'guess'. *drum roll* Last but not least, you should probably capitalize the first letter in the quotes as you've been sticking pretty well to the rules of grammar so there's no reason to ditch them now.
OH! QUICK EXTRA THING I JUST SAW! You have an extra space after 'crossing'.
I know it was a lot of little things but I hope my review helped a bit. Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello
Thanks for the review and I will go and make the changes!
Hi Harry here for a review: great job you have a good rhyme scheme here. You also make people feel like they are apart of the story. You show that the character really likes a guy and she wants to get to know him more. She gathered all her courage and stepped forward,
Crossing the line that seemed to be a boarder.
And everything that she planned to say,
somehow just vanished away. great job, this shows that love has more than you would ever need to have and that it does strange things with your life. But I would try to add more to it, maybe explain why she likes him or why she is afraid to talk to him. Maybe explain what they look like and what happened after they talked. Overall good job. Happy writing
Hey Harry and thanks for the review and the advise!
hi and your welcome.