Only one can soar

by bubblybubbles101331

Published December 13, 2013

E - Everyone

In Inner thoughts

Stop your heart from following your head.

Have your head follow your heart instead.

Remember who you are, youre not who they say.

You can be as you please, put the worries away.

Remember your favorite color, and your favorite food.

Remember the beauty you have almost subdued.

You don't need good makeup, or a nice car.

You are amazing just the way you are.

I know you don't believe me, but believe that it's true.

Only one person can fly and soar in YOUR life, and that one person is you.

Comments & reviews · 4
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Valo
Review
Valo wrote a review Review · Dec 14, 2013

Hi bubbly.

Remember who you are, your not who they say.

The "your" should be "you're".

You can be as you please, put the worries away.

I think the comma would be a nice semi-colon.

I know you don't believe me, but believe that its true.

The "its" should be "it's"

All in all, beautiful message. Nice poem; it flows beautifully. :]

-Valo

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smile
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smile wrote a review Review · Dec 14, 2013

hey there......so that was so beautiful , honest poetry that i realy enjoyed reading ,because i

love these kinds of writing , its supporting ,and active one .

i loved the beginning of the poetry, its very nice...

Stop your heart from following your head.
Have your head follow your heart instead.


in general i think that there's no flaw in your poetry , so keep writing :)

BethanyMarieWright wrote a review Review · Dec 13, 2013

Okay, I really really like this; the message you send across, how it's written and the talent to make it make sense AND rhyme! That's a talent, I tell you.

I only have a few pointers for this piece; first off the beginning of the fourth line, it is 'you're' not 'your' meaning you are. It's a simple mistake to make, but it did throw me off a little bit. Next would be needing a comma after "you are amazing" on the third to last line. Nine times out of ten it wouldn't be necessary - but with the rhythm you've got going beforehand, this line throws it away. Putting a comma in shows a little break and the whole rhythm can go back on track, as well as sounding more sincere. "You are amazing, just the way you are"

Otherwise, I think this is very well written and I look forward to reading more of your work.

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Lionblaze25 Comment
Lionblaze25 commented Comment · Dec 13, 2013

I love this!!!!!! Everyone can follow their heart even if it does make your life go the hard route. In the end you'll reap the rewards.



A good artist should be isolated. If he isn't isolated, something is wrong.
— Orson Welles