z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Overflow Chapter - 4.2

by brotherGeo


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

The Citadel pierced the heavens. Shadows danced across its blackened surface as sparse clouds drifted by. The sun, as persistent as ever to make one uncomfortable beamed down on the unfortunate workers out in the sun.

Reece was no exception, he could feel his exposed skin gradually becoming sunburnt. Too long like this and it would blister and split. He glanced at His companions to see if they suffered the same fate. The dinghy was small but Quint had managed to distance himself from the others. He sat slumped at the bow, doing his best to shrink under his clothes, anything to get out of the sweltering sunlight. Soria sat awkwardly in the middle, trying to counter balance the weight of the vessel. Her jumpsuit conveniently had a built in hood and the material was not as thick as the Maintenance jumpsuits. Yet it remained breathable and kept the sun off her skin.

Wind whistled past their ears drowning out the roaring of the motor Reece controlled. He swerved clear of a mud bank unsure if it was just the soft sinking mud or something more firm. The motor sputtered and fumes spat out in gasps. Simple engine oil never worked smoothly with engines. The good stuff was reserved for the Train.

A gust of wind blew the fumes away, but brought with it a foul odour. The breeze must’ve disturbed the surface of a stagnating pool somewhere.

Reece had grown used to the signature stench of the Mire, he didn’t like it but he shouldn’t complain about something he can’t control. He was not alone in this sentiment, Quint didn’t even flinch when the gust of wind rippled the surface water and sent a fresh cloud of foul odour their way. Soria on the other hand…

“Every single time! Every time I leave the Citadel there’s a damn gale.” She said, muffled by covering her nose and mouth with her sleeve. “It was never this bad at the Cluster. We had the coastal waters to dull the stench with salt, and keep the water from stagnating.”

“You’ll get used to it.” Reece said, although he still felt tears in his eyes from the foul air. “The coast must better than out here. I don’t know why we don’t all live out there.”

“It’s not that much better.” Soria said over the motor and wind. “There’s forests of Spear root trees, just waiting to impale you.”

“With their roots?” Reece asked.

“How perceptive.” Soria quipped. She glanced at Quint who had yet to say a word. He clasped his chest and was mumbling to himself. Was the stench really that bad? He hadn’t flinched before, Reece would have to ask him his opinion on it later.

Following the chain that was used to tug the barge loaded with roustabouts back from the Pumps. After an hour of listening to the churning motor and feeling himself slowly be cooked by the sun, Reece finally anchored the dinghy and tied it too a stump. He jumped down onto the duckboard walkway that led to the railway.

The mud was higher here, which was why Reece just couldn’t drive the dingy all the way to the Railway. Water trickled from small pool to pool and mosquitoes skimmed their surfaces. He thanked the Mire that their jumpsuits had an insect repellent, who knows how many diseases those bugs could be carrying. Clumps of reeds spattered the place, with each one seemingly infested with screeching crickets. It was an awful racket, but it meant the area was healthy and the pollution levels were low. The roustabouts often said that the screeching cricket and the marsh bird were there bosses, rewarding a job well done with an ear shattering wail.

The duckboards had sunk in several places and the uneven footing sent Quint tumbling forward the moment he took a step off the dinghy. Fortunately he managed to avoid falling into the mire, but Reece could never have guessed that so many curses and hateful slurs could come out of just one man’s mouth. Surprisingly Soria was fine, she moved steadily if not slowly across the duckboards. Reece watched them from up head as he took long striding jumps from one board to the next. He had been doing this for years, but he couldn’t help but show off a little when he got the chance.

As they neared the base of the railway, Reece pointed out something that had been bothering him for some time.

“Who do you think this is was?” he gently prodded the arm that stuck out of the swamp with a long stick. Not daring to get any closer.

Soria inhaled excitedly. “Oh a Kruckadon lure! I’ve never seen one up close. Why didn’t you tell me you had one of these this whole time, Reece? I would’ve studied it.”

“I only found it a couple of days ago.” Reece said defensively. “And why in the muck would you want too, study a Kruckadon lure. The creatures are ghastly and disgusting, and the lures are also their homes.”

Soria tsked, a sly smile on her lips. “Strange and horrific creatures like these are almost non-existent around the world. But the Mire had them in droves. It is fascinating, now I may just be a merchant but I can’t help but get excited over new things. Especially when said things would attract thousands of people to the Mire all with pockets full of cash.”

“I-is that an arm?” Finally Quint spoke. He stared at the Kruckadon lure like it was going to jump out and throttle him. If he got any closer it actually would.

“Obviously it is an arm.” Reece said. “But I want to know who it belongs too… or used to belong too.”

“Good luck with that.” Soria moved past, brushing a few reeds over hanging the duckboards. The cacophony of cricket chirping that deafened their ears immediately stopped. They would start up again as soon as they got a distance away, but a little quiet was nice.

Reece followed after, and not showing any complaints Quint scurried along behind them, grasping at his jumpsuit near his chest.

What is he so worried about? Reece frowned. Was he always like this, or is it because of the Mire? Maybe it’s bringing back memories of the Overflow. It could also be an elaborate act, meant to think we should believe him. This is giving me a headache. Reece pressed his palm against his temples, trying to force the pressure away.

They shortly arrived at the base of the railway. Reece grinned as he heard Soria remark on how high the railway was. It towered over them, at a colossal forty feet. An endless railway that snaked through the Great Black Mire, it was the lifeline of every Citadel. Reece felt the base concrete support with a smile on his face, he ignored the swamp gunk and lichen that had covered the surface and gazed up at the reinforced steel holding the railway above the mire.

“Alright, time to work. You coming up Soria?” he said.

“No, I think I’d rather stay down here and have a look at these lures.”

“Too high?”

She cringed, and nodded turning away. She never let anyone see her blush.

Reece motioned to Quint and the two of them climbed the ladder up to the railway. The ladder was surprisingly sturdy and it didn’t take long to get to the top. After a few hours of moving carefully across cross beams and rail shafts they finally reached the electrical box and quickly got to work. Another hour later they returned down the ladder and met with Soria who had managed to clear a part of the concrete base, just enough for the three of them to sit down.

“Any problems?” Soria asked when she saw them.

“Nothing really.” Reece responded, sweat dripping down his back. “Quint did well, he’ll make a decent maintenance worker.”

Quint smiled slightly but then he cast his eyes downward and frowned. Soria noticed this and spoke up. “So Quint, we should discuss what we should do about the Vicar.”

“W-what do you mean?” he said, he stood up from the concrete base and looked eagerly at her.

“I mean, we don’t know what to do. Wilton won’t talk to us, and Reece and I were wondering if you had any ideas.”

“We should confront him.” He said quickly.

“We tried that and…”

“No! In public, he won’t be able to turn you away then.”

“Are you sure?” Reece asked doubtfully.

“Yes, he wants a good face for everyone. Yes that’s the best time, w-we’ll do it then.” Quint eyed the duckboards, and Reece noticed his knuckles were bone white.

“Are you alright, Quint?” He asked.

“I’m fine!” He snapped.

Reece held up his hands peacefully. What was that about? He wouldn’t push for more, whatever happened to make Quint act like this, the Vicar should answer for. Soria had been watching on as well however her expression seemed less than hopeful.

After a short journey back to the rickety motorboat. They soon sped towards the citadel passing the barge loaded with an entire shift of roustabouts and a stray Harvester – most likely Mezza, the other harvester worked only in the early hours of the morning. The sun was low in the sky and on their backs, it wasn’t uncomfortable however, it was more a heated glow than the scorching glare from earlier in the day. Of course paired with the disgusting levels of humidity on the wetlands, any sort of sunlight was unwelcome.

Reece stared at the side of Quint’s head noticing old scars carefully hidden under his hair. That man couldn’t be trusted, or could he? Reece remembered the dangerous impression that vicar seemed to give off. This Wilton - if that was even his name – was definitely the cold, calculating type, a man couldn’t be trusted. Avoiding any questions and approaches made by Reece and Soria only made him seem more untrustworthy. He wasn’t sure about Soria but Reece felt they were in way over their heads.


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Thu Jun 30, 2022 3:37 am
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Spearmint wrote a review...



Hiya, mint here, with a review! ^-^ I really enjoyed reading this chapter part because of the great descriptions and the info about the world! It seems like Reece, Soria, and Quint are planning on confronting the Vicar soon too, which should be exciting. Alright, and without further ado, on to the review!

The Citadel pierced the heavens.

A nice and dramatic start to this chapter part! :]

“There’s forests of Spear root trees, just waiting to impale you.”

Ooh... I love reading details like these that really bring the world to life! :D It's cool how everything, like the Kruckadons and these trees, have evolved (I think they evolved? It's not stated outright, but it's implied that things were different before the Sinking, so I'm gonna assume they evolved/adapted/something) to fiercer versions of themselves. And in this case... trees that spear people with their roots... that sounds pretty terrifying. 0.0 Also, since my username is Spearmint, I can't help but wonder what it'd be like if any leaf of spearmint someone tried to eat literally speared them... slightly disturbing, but definitely intriguing. xD Anyways, I appreciate all the thought you've put into this world! ^-^

“Oh a Kruckadon lure!

Neat, so the Kruckadon lure from that previous chapter was mentioned again! C: And speaking of Kruckadons and their deadly lures... I'm kinda reminded of N. K. Jemisin's Broken Earth trilogy (which is a great series, by the way!). In case you haven't read it, in that world, there are Seasons, which are periods of natural disaster. During those Seasons, the animals adapt by becoming dangerous versions of themselves-- for example, a normally vegetarian animal might become carnivorous in order to deal with the lack of plant growth. I think you've come up with a similar yet unique thing here, with animals and plant life becoming hostile, and it's honestly super fun to read. :]

He stared at the Kruckadon lure like it was going to jump out and throttle him. If he got any closer it actually would.

I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I liked the bit of dry humor here. xD

Reece followed after, and not showing any complaints Quint scurried along behind them, grasping at his jumpsuit near his chest.

Quint is, in a word, confusing. >.> He's alternately timid and jumpy, outspoken about the Vicar, and defensive, which is a bold combination for any character, but the way he switches between these states so quickly gives me a bit of whiplash. I'm guessing this is intentional, to keep the reader wondering about Quint and his intentions, but I'd appreciate a little bit of slowing-down. A little more description here and there would be great! For example, something like, "Quint glanced up sharply, his expression changing from shyness to anger." You do a good job of this when you do include description, but I'd like to read a bit more! ^^ (For example, I'm curious what Quint's expression looks like when he says, “We should confront him.”) Wanting more description might just be my personal preference, though. C:

He wasn’t sure about Soria but Reece felt they were in way over their heads.

Oh, Reece... this is just the beginning. ;)

As usual, thanks for the fabulous chapter part, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night! =D




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Mon Jun 20, 2022 2:24 am
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

Ah, so chapter 4 continues!

One thing I enjoyed was the vivid world building. I loved the descriptions of the sights and smells that Reece, Quint, and Soria saw on their dinghy ride. The bit about the Kruckadon lure was interesting as well— I’m curious if we’ll be seeing more of those in the future. The casual way you introduced it was well done, though! I think your great word choice really helped paint a picture of the swampy area they were in, so nice work!

I also liked the insight and possible plan we got surrounding the Vicar— it seems like Quint’s had some experience with him before, and judging from his reactions, it didn’t end well. Wilton definitely doesn’t seem trustworthy, and I’m curious if they’re going to end up ever truly finding out what he’s up to. I’m curious too if those scars of Quint’s have any relation to Wilton.

Specifics

He glanced at His companions to see if they suffered the same fate.


Just a quick thing: I think “His” should be lowercase here, right? Since it’s not the beginning of the sentence.

Her jumpsuit conveniently had a built in hood and the material was not as thick as the Maintenance jumpsuits. Yet it remained breathable and kept the sun off her skin.


I think that these two sentences would flow better if you made them into one, separated by a comma.

And why in the muck would you want too, study a Kruckadon lure.


A couple things: “too” should be “to,” you don’t need that comma there, and I think it should end in a question mark rather than a period, since it’s asking a question.

Overall: good job! I loved your vivid storytelling and world building in this, and I look forward to reading more and seeing what our trio does about Wilton! Until next time!





I wondered why we put villains in our stories when we have plenty of them in real life; then I realized that maybe we wanted stories where the good guy wins.
— nogutsnoglory