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Overflow - Chapter 2.3

by brotherGeo


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

“Eavesdropping is a bad habit Reece.” Bert said abruptly. “It better not stick around. Is that clear?”

Reece froze. He dared not move, In case Bert was just assuming and didn’t actually know where he was.

“Reece! Come out. I’m tired I want get some sleep.” Bert said, beginning to grow aggravated.

Sighing Reece stepped out into the light and Bert gasped slightly when he saw him.

“Oh… your actually there. I was just testing.” The middle aged man looked a little startled, or maybe it was lack of sleep that influenced his haggard expression. His hair was a mess and his eyes had dark rings under them. He was however freshly shaven, no more contemplative beard strokes then.

Reece swore. “What. Are you serious? I could’ve escaped then.”

Bert burst out into peals of laughter that echoed throughout the tunnels, if Reece wasn’t busy being angry at himself he would’ve worried that his boss had woken some poor bastard up.

After Bert finally managed to calm down he motioned for Reece to come inside and take a seat. “So what were you doing around the corner? Just passing by perhaps?” Bert said, falling into his office chair, it creaked under his weight.

“No I came to tell you my thoughts on the Vicar too but it seems Maria beat me.” Reece failed to mention the conversation he had with the priest. “I’m not as suspicious as Maria but I thinks its best that we keep a close eye on him and his fellows.” Reece said, awkwardly sitting cross legged on the floor. Chairs were a rare and valuable commodity.

“If that was so, then why did you stick around to eavesdrop?” Bert asked.

“I don’t know.” Reece lied. He had hoped Maria and Bert were going to be discussing something far less serious.

“I’m telling you, you need to break that habit of yours. For starters its-”

“Yeah I know.” Reece cut him off before he began his well-rehearsed lecture. “I agree about what you said. With the letting people in. Soria would too, now she may not show it much but she’s grateful to be here.”

Bert nodded. He then turned to the window and peered down at the loading bay. “There’s been more and more Overflows as of late. I got word from the Cluster that people are flocking there for safety. If there’s not enough people in the citadels then the number of Overflows will continue to increase. It’s just a big great mess really.”

“I’m going to interrogate the one in the handyman suit, I need your permission.” Reece said.

“Who Fletcher? Why?”

“No the young guy, about my age. He’s down there in the loading bay now, with the Reliant’s. His name is Quint.”

Bert frowned. “You don’t need my permission to make friends you know. You’re an adult.”

“I said interrogate old man. He was having a rather fitful sleep when I saw him last. And what Maria said about the concussion is worth looking into.” Reece didn’t mention what Wilton had said about Quints suspicious activity on the day of the Overflow. Deciding t

“Alright then, but don’t impose on his and their privacy. If they ask you to back off then do so, I don’t want our citadel to look bad.” Bert said. “We may be a small community but our responsibility is immeasurable. No oil, no trade with the cluster. That would be bad for us. The branches or Rail are growing more prominent and it would be in our best interest to have a good word put in for us from the Reliant sect.”

“Alright then, boss.” With that Reece took his leave. As he lay there on his bunk that night, he came up with a several strategies for getting past Wilton and his followers. Assuming they wanted to stop him from talking with Quin.

And even if they don’t stop me, they may be doing so just to avoid suspicion, could they be holding something over Quin’s head? He thought. The whole matter was confusing, maybe Soria would have an idea of what to do? Finally satisfied with his plans Reece let sleep take him.

***

“Soria!” Reece strolled over to her stall, it was late afternoon and having finally completed all his tasks Reece had found the time to bother Soria with his plans. The amber skinned Merchant woman stared blankly at him, but he could see her brow furrow slightly and she grit her teeth.

Reece chuckled, she must be annoyed. A bunch of strangers arrived taking all the attention, she was no longer the oddity. Children had crowded around Wilton and his now conscious followers, listening to them talk for hours. A few workers had forgone precious downtime to come investigate these oddly dressed strangers and their equally odd religion as well.

“He was probably expecting a crowd.” Soria said suddenly.

“What was that?” Reece asked. Leaning against the wooden stall that seemed so out of place surrounded by stone.

“The Vicar, Wilton. He probably expected a crowd to come listen to him, and he would’ve saturated his stories with his preaching. That’s how they do it those Reliant’s.”

“How do you know his name? Also how did you know he was a reliant?” Reece asked, a little surprised but at the same time he felt like he should’ve expected this. Soria was diligent in her information gathering.

“I have my contacts.” She stated, flicking her hair back. Reece sighed, secretive and just a little arrogant as well, it seems.

“Maria?”

Soria froze. But before Reece could explain further, her arrogance turned to anger. “Dammit I told that harlot to keep her mouth shut!”

Reece held up his palms in a peaceful gesture. “Whoa take it easy. I found out last night. I Eavesdropped on her and boss last night.” Once again Reece left out information, choosing not reveal that he also got the go ahead form Bert to investigate Quin. She argued with him often, that his loyalty to Bert, his boss, was foolish. Reece didn’t really wanted to get berated by her for informing his boss of his plans.

But shortly after her lips curled into a slight smile. “My, aren’t you ambitious? You really are my protégé. You’d make a fine businessman.”

“Yep, I’m three steps ahead of you this time merchant. You won’t leech every bit of information off these priests before I do.” Reece said.

“We’ll see about that.” Soria said grinning, happy to have a little rivalry. “You don’t have womanly charms to push things along.”

Reece snorted. “They’re priests Soria, Good luck.”

She shrugged. Leaning back in her chair she slid a ledger out from under the stall and began to skim through it. “That guy in the handyman jumpsuit isn’t a priest by the looks of it. He’s young too and not that ugly either.” A sly smile crept onto Soria’s face. “Who’s behind now, Reece?”

“About that…” Reece said unfazed. “That guy, Quint’s his name. I need to talk to you about him.”

“What. Why?” Soria looked horrified, probably from both Reece knowing the guy’s name and offering her information. She probably thought she was losing her touch, she would have to ‘practice’ on other poor saps later.

“Listen, I don’t know how much you coaxed out of Maria but I want you to listen up anyway.” Reece explained what he’d heard from Maria last night and what he learned from Wilton. She was annoyed that he had gone straight to Wilton but as Reece continued she became more and more subdued. After explaining his plans to get Quint alone and interrogate him, Reece stopped and watched Soria. Her brows had knitted together and he could almost hear her brain tick.

“I see…” she said finally. “Yes I can see why you’d want to keep that under wraps. But why tell me, I mean yeah this Quint guy is suspicious but what do gain by telling me.” She looked at him curiously. Reece had expected this but he hadn’t prepared for it. He didn’t really know why he told her, she’s right he won’t gain anything from this.

Reece felt his face warm up a bit, alarmed he made an effort to keep his voice steady. “Because… I trust you?”

Soria raised an eyebrow, it took several seconds for what he said to process before she finally responded. “Yeah, bullshit.” She snorted.

Time to tell the truth then. He thought.

“Okay then I’ll tell you.” Reece said. “I honestly think this a little too big for me to handle alone. This isn’t some Refiner cheating on his wife nor some mother worried about a teenager rendezvous. Whatever secrets these priests and that supposed maintenance worker, may have hidden away could mean some serious consequences. I’ve been playing the investigator with you ever since you showed up five years ago, trying to outwit each other and dig up dirt on other people. And I know for a fact that you’re better than me, I hate to wound my pride but it’s true.”

Soria paused to consider and finally said. “So you’re saying I’m better than you?”

Reece inwardly sighed, of course that’s what she would bring up.

“…Yes” Reece replied quietly.

“Okay I’m in.” Soria scoffed. “At least you admit your failures my friend. So what’s the plan, how are we going to get Quint alone?”

“Well that depends.” Reece said. “On how Wilton feels about me questioning to him. I originally thought I could offer to teach him a few handyman things, but if my suspicions are correct then they won’t want him out of their sight.”

“Is that where I come in?” Soria interjected.

“Yeah I’ll need you too…” Reece’s eyes widened. He watched Wilton and the small crowd of children. His three followers were all there interacting with the crowd but Quin was nowhere in sight. “He isn’t there?”

“It would’ve been an effective plan I’m sure of it, if only it actually needed to be executed.” Soria commented.

“Well then.” Reece said feeling a little embarrassed. “Shall we go find this guy?”

“Lead the way subordinate.” Soria said. She gleefully sprang out of her chair and rushed to get ahead of Reece, her dark hair flowing behind her. Reece smiled, she sure was happy to be back in action. It had been three years since Soria opened up to him and offered to teach him how to be a competitive business person. Ever since then Reece had been learning under her. It was originally just to get closer to her, but after a while Reece had found a use for the skills he had learned. Even if he questioned why business in the Cluster required so much blackmail and subterfuge.

He glanced up to ask Soria something, but she had already disappeared from sight. Reece swore and looked around, he spotted her heading through a corridor and quickly followed after her.


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Sun Jun 19, 2022 3:00 am
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Spearmint wrote a review...



Hey, it's mint, back with another review! ^-^ This chapter was super fun, and I can really feel things coming along as Soria and Reece decide to investigate Quint! The dialogue also has moments of humor, which is always nice to see in a story. So yeah, I'm looking forward to the next chapters! C:

“Oh… your actually there. I was just testing.”

Hahaha, I did not expect that! xD You've done a great job describing the relationship between Reece and Bert, and the conversation in this chapter part has a good balance of serious information and humor.

It’s just a big great mess really.”

“I’m going to interrogate the one in the handyman suit, I need your permission.”

To me, it feels a tad bit choppy here. I think it's because the way it's written right now, it seems like Reece ignored what Bert said about the increasing Overflows and simply moved on to the next topic. Perhaps adding a quick sentence about Reece's reaction would help?

Deciding t

Oop, looks like a sentence got cut off here. >.>

“We’ll see about that.” Soria said grinning, happy to have a little rivalry. “You don’t have womanly charms to push things along.”

Reece snorted. “They’re priests Soria, Good luck.”

Another funny bit of banter XD

And I know for a fact that you’re better than me, I hate to wound my pride but it’s true.”

Hmm, a strategic comment here-- it explains why Reece needs Soria's help while also appealing to Soria's pride. I think Reece is a lot better at manipulation than most people give him credit for. :P

It was originally just to get closer to her,

Ooo, does Reece have feelings for Soria? ;) Or was he just curious about her? >.> Either way, I'm excited to read more about this duo and their adventures!

Thanks for the great chapter, and I hope you have a fantastic day/night! =D




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Thu Jun 03, 2021 2:09 am
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MayCupcake wrote a review...



Hi Geo!
I have a review for you to get your work out of the green room! After reading all the parts up to this one, I have to say that I really enjoyed the story so far! I think that the dystopian world this is set in is pretty cool! (I like reading about dystopias) I also think that you did very well with the world building and characters. I know you said that you only glanced over the chapters before publishing, but I feel like the story could benefit from some closer attention. So, I took it upon myself to add commas where needed, to get rid of some of the noun clauses, and to fix some syntax errors:

“Eavesdropping is a bad habit Reece.” Bert said abruptly. “It better not stick. Is that clear?”
Reece froze. He dared not move, (for Bert could have just been assuming and had no knowledge of the snoop’s proximity.)
“Reece, Come (on) out! I’m tired (and) I want (to) get some sleep.” Bert said, (growing in aggravation.)Sighing, Reece stepped out into the light. Bert gasped slightly when he saw (the not-blond worker.)
“Oh… (you’re) actually there. I was just testing (my suspicion.)” The middle aged man looked a little startled, or maybe it was (the) lack of sleep that influenced his haggard expression. (Bert’s) hair was a mess and (dark rings shadowed his eyes.) He was, however, freshly shaven, (so) no more contemplative beard strokes.
Reece swore. “What! Are you serious? I could’ve escaped then!”
Bert burst out into peals of laughter that echoed throughout the tunnels. (I)f Reece wasn’t (so) busy being angry at himself, he would’ve worried that his boss had (a)woken some poor bastard. After Bert finally managed to calm down, he motioned for Reece to come inside and take a seat. “So, what were you doing around the corner? Just passing by, perhaps?” Bert said, falling into his office chair (which) creaked under his weight.
“No, I came to tell you my thoughts (about) the Vicar too, but it seems Maria beat me (to it).” Reece failed to mention the conversation he had with the priest. “I’m not as suspicious as Maria, but I think it’s best we keep a close eye on him and his fellows.” Reece said, awkwardly sitting cross legged on the floor. Chairs were a rare and valuable commodity.
“If that(’s) so, then why (were you eavesdropping?)” Bert asked.
“I don’t know.” Reece lied. He had hoped Maria and Bert were discussing something far less serious.
“I’m telling you, you need to break that habit of yours. For starters it’s-”
“Yeah, I know.” Reece cut him off before (the) well-rehearsed lecture (began). “I agree (with) what you said(, about) letting people in. Soria would too(.N)ow(,) she may not show it much, but she’s grateful to be here.”
Bert nodded. He turned to the window and peered down at the loading bay. “There’s been more and more Overflows as of late. I got word from the Cluster that people are flocking there for safety. If there’s not enough people in the citadels, then the number of Overflows will continue to increase. It’s just a big, great mess really.”
“I’m going to interrogate the one in the handyman suit (and) I need your permission.” Reece said.
“Who, Fletcher? Why?”
“No, the young guy (around) my age. He’s down there in the loading bay (right) now with the Reliant’s. His name is Quint.”
Bert frowned. “You don’t need my permission to make friends, you know. You’re an adult.”
“I said ‘interrogate’, old man. He was having a rather fitful sleep when I (last) saw him. And (Maria’s input on) the concussion is worth looking into.” Reece didn’t mention (Wilton’s comment) about Quint’s suspicious activity on the day of the Overflow. “Alright then, (just) don’t impose on (any of) their privacy. If they ask you to back off, then do so. I don’t want our citadel to look bad.” Bert said. “We may be a small community, but our responsibility is immeasurable. No oil, no trade with the cluster. That would be bad for us. The branches or Rail are growing more prominent and it would be in our best interest to have a good word put in for us from the Reliant sect.”
“(Got it), boss.” With that Reece took his leave. As he lay there on his bunk that night, he came up with several strategies for getting past Wilton and his followers, Assuming they wanted to stop him from talking with Quin(t).
And even if they don’t stop me, they may be doing so just to avoid suspicion., (C)ould they be holding something over Quint’s head? He thought. The whole matter was confusing. (M)aybe Soria would (know) what to do? Finally satisfied with his plans, Reece let sleep take him.
***
“Soria!” Reece strolled over to her stall(. I)t was late afternoon and, having (at last) completed all his tasks, Reece had found the time to bother Soria with (the scheme). The amber skinned Merchant woman stared blankly at him, but he could see her brow furrow slightly(,) grit(ting) her teeth.
Reece chuckled(.S)he must be annoyed. A bunch of strangers arrived taking all the attention, (so) she was no longer the oddity. Children had crowded around Wilton and his now conscious followers, listening to them talk for hours. A few workers had forgone (some) precious downtime to come investigate these oddly dressed strangers and their equally odd religion. “He was probably expecting a crowd.” Soria said suddenly.
“What (did you say)?” Reece asked. Leaning against the wooden stall that seemed so out of place (amongst the) stone.
“The Vicar, Wilton. He probably expected a crowd to come listen to him, and he would’ve saturated his stories with his preaching. That’s how they do it, those Reliant’s.”
“How do you know his name? Also, how did you know he was a (R)eliant?” Reece asked, a little surprised, but at the same time felt like he should’ve expected this. Soria was diligent in her information gathering.
“I have my contacts.” She stated, flicking her hair back. Reece sighed, secretive and just a little arrogant as well, it seems.
“Maria?”
Soria froze. But before Reece could explain further, her arrogance turned to anger. “Dammit, I told that harlot to keep her mouth shut!”
Reece held up his palms in a peaceful gesture. “Whoa take it easy. I (just) found out last night (when) I (e)avesdropped on her and (the) boss. ” Once again Reece left out information, choosing not (to) reveal that he got the (‘ok’ from) Bert to investigate Quin(t). She argued with him often that his loyalty to Bert was foolish. Reece didn’t really want to get berated by (Soria) for informing his boss of his plans.
But shortly after, her lips curled into a slight smile. “My, aren’t you ambitious? You really are my protégé. You’d make a fine businessman.”
“Yep, I’m three steps ahead of you this time, merchant. You won’t leech every bit of information off these priests before I do.” Reece said.
“We’ll see about that.” Soria said grinning, happy to have a little rivalry. “You don’t have womanly charms to push things along.”
Reece snorted. “They’re priests, Soria. Good luck.”
She shrugged. Leaning back in her chair, she slid a ledger out from under the stall and began to skim through it. “That guy in the handyman jumpsuit isn’t a priest by the looks of it. He’s young too and not that ugly either.” A sly smile crept onto Soria’s face. “Who’s behind now, Reece?”
“About that…” Reece said unfazed. “That guy, Quint’s his name. I need to talk to you about him.”
“What. Why?” Soria looked horrified, probably from both Reece knowing the guy’s name and offering her information. She probably thought she was losing her touch. (S)he would have to ‘practice’ on other poor saps later.
“Listen, I don’t know how much you coaxed out of Maria, but I want you to listen up anyway(s).” Reece explained what he’d heard from Maria last night and learned from Wilton. She was annoyed that he had gone straight to Wilton, but as Reece continued she became more and more subdued. After explaining his plans to get Quint alone and interrogate him, Reece stopped and watched Soria. Her brows had knitted together and he could almost hear her brain tick.
“I see…” she said finally. “Yes, I can see why you’d want to keep that under wraps. (W)hy tell me (though?) I mean yeah this Quint guy is suspicious, but what do (you) gain by telling me(?)” She looked at him curiously. Reece had expected this(, yet) he hadn’t prepared for it. He didn’t really know why he told her.She’s right, he won’t gain anything from this.
Reece felt his face warm up a bit, alarmed he made an effort to keep his voice steady. “Because… I trust you?”
Soria raised an eyebrow, it took several seconds for what he said to process before she finally responded. “Yeah, bullshit.” She snorted.
Time to tell the truth then. He thought.
“Okay, I’ll tell you.” Reece said. “I honestly think this (is) a little too big for me to handle alone. This isn’t some Refiner cheating on his wife, nor some mother worried about a teenager rendezvous. Whatever secrets these priests and that supposed maintenance worker may have hidden away, could mean some serious consequences. I’ve been playing the investigator with you ever since you showed up five years ago, trying to outwit each other and dig up dirt on other people. And I know for a fact that you’re better than me. I hate to wound my pride, but it’s true.”
Soria paused to consider and finally said. “So you’re saying I’m better than you?”
Reece inwardly sighed, of course she would bring (that) up.
“…Yes.” Reece replied quietly.
“Okay, I’m in.” Soria scoffed. “At least you admit your failures my friend. So what’s the plan, how (do we get) Quint alone?”
“Well that depends,” Reece said. “(o)n how Wilton feels about me questioning him. I originally thought I could offer to teach him a few handyman things, but if my suspicions are correct then they won’t want him out of their sight.”
“Is that where I come in?” Soria interjected.
“Yeah I’ll need you to…” Reece’s eyes widened. He watched Wilton and the small crowd of children. His three followers were all there interacting with the crowd, but Quint was nowhere in sight. “(Where did he go)?”
“It would’ve been an effective plan, I’m sure of it, if only (you had the chance to execute it.) ” Soria commented.
“Well then.” Reece said feeling a little embarrassed. “Shall we go find this guy?”
“Lead the way, subordinate.” Soria said. She gleefully sprang out of her chair and rushed to get ahead of Reece, her dark hair flowing behind her. Reece smiled, she sure was happy to be back in action. It had been three years since Soria opened up to him and offered to teach him (the ways of) competitive business. Ever since then Reece had been learning under her. It was originally just to get closer to her, but after a while Reece had found a use for the skills. Even if he questioned why business in the Cluster required so much blackmail and subterfuge.
He glanced up to ask Soria something, but she had already disappeared from sight. Reece swore and looked around(.H)e spotted her heading through a corridor and quickly followed after her.


My favorite part of the story so far would have to be when Bert tests to see if Reece was listening and actually gets scared when it turns out he was right XD. Anyways, great story so far! Take what you will from this and keep on writing!




brotherGeo says...


Thanks for the review... and editing! lol
Glad you enjoyed it, reminded me to upload the next chapter or chapters.
Anyway if you like dystopian, check out my Keep Smiling series, its pretty short since I haven't done much on it, but its pretty polished.
Anyway thanks for the review :)



MayCupcake says...


Oh nice! I'll have to check it out! And no problem ;)



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Sat Apr 24, 2021 11:03 am
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I thought this section of the piece was super enjoyable! I definitely think it's an improvement from previous chapters. I liked the introduction of Soria and having more page time for her; she seems like she's gonna be a really cool character. I'm also very interested to see where the story heads next! I'm curious what Quint is going to say/be like.

One of my favorite things about this was the pacing and progression. I think this piece is definitely more engaging than the previous sections, and that has everything to do with your sentence variation and pacing. You combine bits of narration, action, and dialogue well, and that creates this very professional-sounding chapter!! I think the differences in conversations between Reece and Bert and Reece and Soria really worked to show the differences in their relationships as well, and it worked nicely. Good job!!

Specifics

“Eavesdropping is a bad habit Reece.” Bert said abruptly. “It better not stick around. Is that clear?”


So, a couple things: generally, when there's someone's name as part of a sentence, especially at the end, and it is used to address that person, you need a comma to separate it from the rest of the text. So it should be "Eavesdropping is a bad habit, Reece." Also, the period after Reece should be a comma, since you have a dialogue tag after it. And then I think you're missing some words in the sentence "It better not stick around." I think you maybe meant something like "it's better not to stick around."

Whatever secrets these priests and that supposed maintenance worker, may have hidden away could mean some serious consequences.


You don't need a comma after worker. It just creates an unnecessary pause.

Overall: nice work! I can definitely see your story getting better in real time, and I'm super excited to see where you take it! Until next time!





Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest hearts.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind