z

Young Writers Society


16+

Overflow - Chapter 3.3

by brotherGeo


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

“I would like to know why you were out in a boat in heavily polluted waters and why only you and several Reliant priests escaped an Overflow.” Soria said, her tone indicating that he could no longer dodge around the question.

“I was out on polluted waters, yes.” He confessed. “But not by choice, I saw what that damn priest did, it was him he started the overflow.” No one believed me so I had to leave. Those fools!” Another outburst from the man, this time Reece was prepared for it.

Reece frowned and Soria’s expression went dark. “That’s a heavy accusation, start from the start Mr Quinton. We have time.” She said. Quint was either deflecting the question in an extreme way, or blaming the Priests. Both options would have to be explored.

“Okay, so first things first.” Quint said. He counted with his fingers as he spoke. “I was awake when you spoke with that bastard Wilton, Reece.”

“You serious?! You looked completely out of it though.” Reece said unsure how to properly react to this new information.

“W-well that’s what I was going for…” A little bit of his confrontational nervousness showed again. It was strange. Just what was this Quint getting at?

“Then you must’ve heard a little about what the Vicar’s accusations and such.” Soria said. Reece would have to talk with the Vicar again after this. Hearing both sides of the story was important, especially with something as delicate as an intentional Overflow.

“Yeah I heard, heard that man lie to you face.” An unmasked tinge of hate, creeping its way into Quints tone. Reece leaned in to hear better, and Soria waited, listening intently. It had been a long time since he saw her this excited about something.

“I’ll start from the beginning.” Quint continued, uneasiness masked by hatred. “I was just going about my rounds, checking things for any visible problems and cleaning as well. Reece knows what I’m talking about. Anyway so we had this huge storage tank, it was so deep it went underground almost to the oil lakes even. We were using it to store the oil we had pumped out of the ground and it was getting pretty full.”

Soria frowned. “That doesn’t sound like the best idea in the world.”

“No it wasn’t.” Quint said. “But utilise what’s at hand I guess. We used the oil tank for easy transportation to the train, but our oil wells sucked up more than the train could take away. We didn’t have a refinery so we just delivered large amounts of crude oil… I-I’m getting side-tracked aren’t I?” he said, his anxiety showing.

“It’s fine.” Reece said. However every fibre of his being itched for Quint to hurry up and get to the point.

He paused, collecting his thoughts. He rubbed the metal table with his finger, fingernails scraping old food stains long since ingrained into the material. “Wilton, was originally alone.” Quint continued. “When he showed up on our citadels doorstop looking for a ‘temporary’ place to stay, we didn’t feel we should refuse the man. Naturally he was intending to stick around, he began preaching to those who listened his second day there. He continued to do so for months, at first no one took him seriously. I mean c’mon, it’s mostly just whimsical nonsense. But after a while he got a few supporters, five to be exact. The closest three are the ones we see lingering around him now.”

“I see.” Soria interjected. “But what does that have to do with the overflow?”

“The Overflow happened when the-” Reece answered her. Soria pinched Reece’s leg under the table. He didn’t react but understood her well enough. It would be best to let Quint explained it, he would feel more involved, more comfortable and comfort often leads to looseness of the tongue. And If a Grand Vicar of the Reliant sect truly did something so heinous, then it would be priceless blackmailing piece. Reece had to keep quiet for now.

Quint continued, the inquisitive looks from Soria a sign he had the stage. “Wilton had failed to convert many people to his faith. Our people either didn’t have time nor patience for his religious dribble. It was obvious to those around him he was beginning to grow desperate, and maybe even a little radical. When the overflow initially happened and the day oil tank burst, the scumbag priest was seen lingering around the tanks with his closest followers. I have deducted that he damaged the tank somehow, and that two of his followers left because of it. And only three decided to flee with the old man.”

“So you’re saying, that Vicar Wilton is to blame?” Reece said, raising an eyebrow.

Quint froze, his previous hatred subsided. “Uh. Y-yes? I am. And it’s true!” The man’s brow furrowed, he was obviously uneasy. The conflicted expression on his face seemed to suggest that he was unsure. His face was weathered from the journey and he looked years older, stubble had even begun to grow under his neck.

“Are you absolutely certain? What if it was not Vicar Wilton’s fault?” Soria said. She watched hungrily as she reignited the man’s anger, and his willingness to talk.

“Yes I am certain, Wilton also immediately left to go preach after loitering by the tanks for a full hour.” Quint explained. “After the initial panic, he began to denounce everyone and their disbelief. He was claiming it was because we refused to pay homage to the VacaneTech and acknowledge the mysteries, he said that was why the oil tank burst. Of course no one listened, they were too concerned with survival. Well Wilton sure wasn’t happy about that, he cursed us all. That’s where I come in. You see I was not going to stick around and hope the citadel would protect me against the flames. I was preparing a small boat to leave when Wilton and his fellows came and demanded I hand it over. Obviously I said no so the grand vicar himself knocked me out with… something, I don’t know I didn’t see it or the attack coming. If only I had the chance to defend myself.” Quint tenderly touched the pocket on his chest.

“I see.” Soria opened her notebook and began compiling notes that she had taken throughout the interrogation, it would contain obvious things like crucial information, but also mannerisms and attitudes of the person for every word. Reece would have to look through it later. “That isn’t much to go on but thank you for your time Quint. Let me just…” she finished with her notebook and tucked it away. “You claim your evidence to be reliable, but I cannot make any further decisions without hearing from Vicar Wilton before we go about making any accusations.”

“What?!” he said horrified, nervousness yet to retake him. “But I saw it with my own two eyes. They damaged the concrete tank, I saw the damage right after those damn Reliant’s were in there.”

“And you didn’t report it?” Reece asked.

Quint paled. “W-what? No. There was no time left the oil was already flowing.”

“I see.” Soria had opened up her again notebook and begun scribbling down notes. “Yet you had time to go follow the Vicars every move and recall it in detail. Even as you’re home and the surrounding area became flooded with oil.”

“…” Quint hung his head not saying a word. Guilty! Reece thought. But this seems almost too easy…

Soria pulled Reece down to her level, and whispered in his ear. “I think there is more to this. We can’t assume it was him right away. Quint seems to be the nervous but passionate type, maybe he’s just realising how little care he gave to his home and the deaths everyone he knew.” Soria Let Reece go. She righted herself and stood up out of the booth. He didn’t notice however, his focus was on her words. They seemed bias almost, like she was very willing to second guess her previous beliefs. Did Soria also not like the Reliant’s? Impossible, she never picked sides. She was too professional.

“Now Reece I have a task for you.” She said louder, addressing Quint not Reece. “I want you to teach Quint a few things about maintenance. In the meantime I will be investigating Vicar Wilton, we must have both sides of the story in great detail before we make a decision.” Reece looked at Soria, she nodded appreciatively. Quint still kept is head down, he didn’t react to Soria’s declaration.

Maybe he really is just realising what he just lost. Reece thought. How he was too preoccupied with the Vicar to realise the gravity of the situation.

Soria had inadvertently ordered him to get close to Quint, and most likely comfort the man as his overdue grief finally hit him. “No problem. C’mon Quint let’s get out of here, these seats are hurting my ass.” Reece said, he stood up and nudged the deflated form of Quint. “Let’s get your mind off that, in a healthy way… I can’t afford drinks.” After a few more minutes of coaxing, Reece finally got the shaky young man out of the eatery. Leaving Soria alone to compose her thoughts and think of a plan.


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Sat Jun 25, 2022 6:10 pm
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Spearmint wrote a review...



Hiya, it's mint, back with another review! ^-^ This chapter gave me mystery novel vibes, especially with Soria's notetaking. And even though it was mostly dialogue, it was still interesting, because it feels like all these little details are being collected in preparation for the reveal of some greater conspiracy or something. >.> Anyways, on to some specifics... C:

“That’s a heavy accusation, start from the start Mr Quinton. We have time.”

Like Plume mentioned, "start from the beginning" would probably sound better here! (It's a more common phrase, so readers would be more used to it than "start from the start.")

I-I’m getting side-tracked aren’t I?” he said, his anxiety showing.

Man, I'm not sure whether to feel sorry for Quint or suspicious of him. Maybe a bit of both?? >.> Anyways, great job writing Quint's character! He's just fidgety enough to make the reader feel like he's hiding something, yet he seems like he wants to be helpful, which adds some complexity to the situation.

He rubbed the metal table with his finger, fingernails scraping old food stains long since ingrained into the material.

Oh yuck... just the thought of scraping those food stains makes me cringe. xD Good description here, though! I think it'd be great if you could also add descriptions of the room around the characters throughout this chapter part. For example, are the other people still talking? Is anyone paying attention to the trio?

Obviously I said no so the grand vicar himself knocked me out with… something, I don’t know I didn’t see it or the attack coming.

Hm.. Quint's story is definitely suspicious. Why didn't the vicar just leave him there? And why was he missing all his tools? Anyways, I'm glad Soria's going to talk to the vicar... hopefully we'll get more clues in the next chapters! :]

Leaving Soria alone to compose her thoughts and think of a plan.

And now for a note on the overall story... I love how Reece and Soria are so proactive. :] I often read stories where the main characters have something happen to them and they're kind of forced to go on an adventure, but in this case, the story starts with Reece and Soria taking action to investigate these people. It's refreshing! Also, I think Soria's my favorite character so far, despite (or maybe because of) her scheming tendencies. xD

Alright, that's about all of my thoughts for now... Thanks for the neat chapter, and I hope you keep writing! Have an amazing day/night! =D




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Thu Sep 02, 2021 6:31 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi brotherGeo,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

It's been a while here since I read the previous part, but now I'm here to get the story out of the green room. :D

I still remember the interrogation of Quint and how Soria and Reece were looking for him and found him on a terrace I think? Anyway, I like that the story picks up where it started and that there is now a new twist on how this overflow came about in the first place. It seems as if Vicar Wilton is an interesting character, he is already introduced here in many details. He seems like a good build up to an antagonist and liked the backstory Quint had told them.

I also liked that Quint continues to show a bit of this "fear" of both of them, and therefore tells quite a lot, maybe also to not be in the skin of a guilty person himself. I also liked this direct approach of the questioning, it was like a continuation with a good build-up. I think it was well staged to unfold the story and move the plot forward.

But I also found that the setting was a bit lacking. I remember a bit of the descriptions of where they were given in the last part, and here now felt like the three of them were in a lonely cell, away from anyone. Not even the weather was mentioned in any way, which made everything seem a bit "dead". Also, you have to pay attention sometimes because after some dialogue boxes your file probably capitalises the first letter as you type. I noticed that a few times.

Otherwise it was a good part, with a great conclusion.

Other points I noticed:

" He confessed. "But not by choice, I saw what that damn priest did, it was him he started the overflow."

The "H" has to be written in lower case. When Soria spoke, you wrote Overflow with capital letters, so I think it's good if you keep that. Further on in the story you also write Overflow with a capital O.
"The Overflow happened when the-" Reece answered her

I don't think Reece anwered her is appropriate, as he doesn't really answer her, but rather starts to answer her. I would at least phrase it differently, like "Reece started to answer." Or similar.

"So you're saying that Vicar Wilton is to blame?" Reece said, raising an eyebrow.

I'm obviously not quite into the story anymore, with everything I'm reading, but wasn't Wilton mentioned earlier at some point?


Have fun writing!

Mailice




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Thu Aug 26, 2021 1:13 am
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I think I've read all the parts that came before this one, but it's definitely been a while! Forgive me if I cover something that's already been said/I wonder about somethign that's already been answered. Anyways. On to the review!!

I really enjoyed this chapter! Quint's account of what happened was certainly very interesting to read, especially with all the plot it provided. The narrative you're presenting is very compelling; you've got these two conflicting sides of the story from Vicar Wilton and Quint, and the reader and Reece are left unsure of who to believe. It's been very fun to read!

One thing I really enjoyed about this chapter was how you characterized Quint. It's very interesting to get to know his character more; he seems quite contrary and a little perhaps annoying. I'm curious whether he's going to endear himself to Reece, or whether they'll continue to clash. It could honestly go either way, and I'm curious to see how their relationship evolves.

One thing I noticed was that the punctuation around dialogue tags was a little off. By dialogue tags, I mean stuff like "he said," "she cried," "they screamed," etc. When you have these, you can actually put a comma at the end of the dialogue rather than a period, which I saw you doing quite frequently. You can also uncapitalize the first sentence of the tag (so the pronoun in most cases.) Just something I thought I'd point out.

Specifics

“I was out on polluted waters, yes.” He confessed. “But not by choice, I saw what that damn priest did, it was him he started the overflow.” No one believed me so I had to leave. Those fools!” Another outburst from the man, this time Reece was prepared for it.


Wasn't expecting that plot point! Though Vicar Wilton was pretty suspicious from what I remember. Also, it looks as if you've got an extra quotation mark in there.

“That’s a heavy accusation, start from the start Mr Quinton. We have time.”


Here, I feel like "start from the start" is a bit redundant and a little odd-sounding. I feel like "Start from the beginning" might be better.

I also noticed a couple places that had capital letters or other tiny grammatical errors. A simple proofread should fix all of those, though.

Overall: nice work!! I think this chapter added a lot to the story plot-wise and I'm super excited to see where you take it next! Until next time!!





Once you have read a book you care about, some part of it is always with you.
— Louis L'Amour