Last Summer

break~my~heart wrote:The silky green grass
begins to shimmer
under a light
that's growing dimmer.

We lie on our backs(no comma)
and gaze at the sun,
hands intertwined.
(t)he day is nearly done. <--- I think you should change "nearly" to "almost" since it sounds more fitting.

The summer breeze dancing
through our hair,
'round our close bodies,
tickling our feet that are bare. <--- instead of using the word "that" which is really simple and doesn't create an image, perhaps adding "lay" or something along the lines of that.

Slowly, the sun surrenders
to a diamond-studded sky.
You give me one last kiss
before we say good bye. <---we to you?

Our lips linger,
(o)ur hearts transcending,
softly, you whisper,
"Our love is never ending."

You know, you are really good at rhyming when it comes to poems? I love that about your poems. You always seem to know how to set up your rhyme scheme and pull through without the rhyme eating up the meaning of your poem.

I fixed a few things and I don't think I need to justify again. I tried changing some of the words so it sounded better and smoother.

Your overall is fabulous yet again. Remember to be confident with your writing, because you definitely have the right with poems like these

thank you everyone!!
Let the editing begin! (garsh these emotithingies are addicting!! )

Awwwww. That's so sweet!!!!!!
Okay, now to the reviews!!!!

Slowly, the sun surrenders
To a diamond-studded sky.
You give me one last kiss
Before we say good bye.

tickling our feet that are bare.

Alright, poetry reviews aren't my specialty but I'll give it a try...

I liked the poem. You used good description to paint a picture. It really makes you picture a summer day. It's a very uplifting poem which is a good change from all the emo/I wanna kill myself poems I've read lately. Keep up the good work. =]

--RGallagher

This is so cool!
It totally reminds of summer!!
I really like the part that says "slowly the sun surrenders to a diamond studded sky."
and also the whole ending is just really cool and very sweet.
I like how you put it all together, and it's very simple but beautiful.
Also, I saw on your profile that you like Jason Castro?!
That's totally awesome, 'cause I really like him too!
Not sure what that has to do with reviewing your poem. hehe.

I liked this, though if I'm brutally honest I wouldn't consider it to be exceptional. The reason for that is there aren't many good things I actually feel like commenting on. Having said that, there aren't many bad thing to comment on.

"The summer breeze dancing
through our hair,
'round our close bodies,
tickling our feet that are bare."

To me the last line would sound best as "tickling our bare feet." But then it wouldn't rhyme, so you probably want to ignore that rhyme (sorry, that comment was a bit pointless).

"Slowly, the sun surrenders
to a diamond-studded sky."

I liked that.

Anyway, overall a good poem.