Fumbling with the controls, my character Victoria misses her chance to press a replying dialogue option.
“Uh, well, good day then,” the store clerk mutters in response to my lack of any.
My clumsy thumbs make Victoria hit a couple obstacles on her way out. Are the other shoppers staring? That can’t be possible. There’s no way they’re programmed to judge Victoria’s awkward walking. Maybe they’re just following her movement. That must be it, right?
I spend the next couple of in-game hours attending to her needs. Harvesting her crop and setting it for sale. Collecting the new coins earned. Drinking various strengthening liquids. Despite their monotony, these are my favorite parts of the game. The peaceful solitude and the satisfaction of completing easy tasks just tickles me pink, I suppose.
An objective appears on the top right of my screen. Barter with another player. I sigh, resigning myself to entering the online space filled mostly with middle school boys. The place immediately makes me lower the volume as random overlapping voices intrude into my headphones. I walk around the outside plaza, observing the others before attempting the objective. There are various knights, trolls, warlocks, and the like. Sticking to an emptier corner, I scan the area for an approachable looking character. Except these characters don’t reflect much back on the person behind the pixelated faces.
But still, I wait.
I see a fun looking princess with accessories I’ve been dying to buy. She speaks to an ogre, and she sounds nice. Normal. Closer to my age than most of the others.
“I know right! The healing potions are so expensive, you’d think they’d give you your full health back, but nope! You get two measly bars!” she huffs. I crack a bit of a smile. She has a point—you need like five potions just to feel sorta alright. I could say just that. I just overheard her, and I really related! It would be a perfect, normal addition to the conversation.
You need like five potions just to feel sorta alright.
You need like five potions just to feel sorta alright.
You need like five potions just to feel sorta alright.
“You need li-“
“Well anyway, I better go tend to my store before some random thief NPC goes in. Bye!” And with that, her persona poofs away.
Okay…well I still need to accomplish my objective. Ugh, it can be done with anyone. It’s not like I have to marry whoever I barter with. Just go up to any of these people. While barely focusing, I walk swiftly into a circle of various creatures talking.
“No way you’re getting my Purple-Level Crossbow, are you kidding me?” NotANoob69 says.
“FINE! I’ll give you 30 healing potions, AND…my three-headed dog,” Rizzard53 urges.
Various “WOAHH” and “Dude!” exclamations come from the whole group as they make fun of Rizzard53’s cruelty for giving away what is a beloved pet in this game. I form a strained smile.
“Deal.”
Following their exchange is a lull in their conversation—an opening!
“Um, I’ve got a Gold-Crested Sword, if anyone’s interested,” I muster up. All the characters seem to look at me too quickly. As if they were surprised a voice had come from my direction. As if they hadn’t me noticed me standing there. Well, it’s not like there’s much to notice anyway.
“Interesting offer. Do you have anything in mind you’d like?” replies NotANoob69. I hadn’t thought that far ahead. Why hadn’t I thought that far ahead? What’s wrong with me?
“Um, no, not really.”
“Ok, I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you four Siren Eyes.” I’ve played this game enough to know that is not a worthy payment, but I just want to end this interaction already. I’m tired.
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
“Hold it! Doesn’t an enchanted chest piece sound more enticing?” pipes up Rizzard53.
Fine, whatever. “Sure.”
But of course, I’m not free yet. NotANoob69 comes up with another counteroffer, which is followed by a third player’s offer. My sword isn’t even that good, there’s no need for this much trouble! I imagined watering my crops and watching their flowers bloom.
The ogre next to me waves his hand in my face. “So? How does that sound?” I had forgotten to listen to them.
“Sounds good.” I wait for him to initiate the swap.
“Hello?”
“Uh, yeah?”
“Well, are you gonna do it already?” he snaps.
“Oh sorry, do you want me to start the swap? It doesn’t matter to me,” I start pressing through the bartering options on my screen.
“No! Did you not listen to anything I said?”
“Oh, uh…” I squirm on my couch.
“You have to take me back to your home base so that I can decorate it for you! That was the deal!” Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me. I would’ve much preferred four Siren Eyes to that. He doesn’t even have any cute accessories, how am I supposed to trust his style at all. Ugh. And that doesn’t even count as a real trade!
I’ve failed.
My eyes well up. It’s not even that deep, and yet, the tears threaten to spill over.
Reluctantly, I give him the entrance link to my home base, and he fills my cute little cottage with truly horrendous posters. This was more stressful than a boss fight.
Why?
Why did I find this easy objective more stressful than a boss fight?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
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137,545 Literary Works • 672,042 Reviews
Hey there so I'm just writing a short review because I thought this was a really interesting take on social anxiety and what it feels like.
I liked how you were able to look at the feeling of anxiety through the lens of a video game character and also just how hard it is to handle when met with real life like scenarios even in a video game.
I thought the comfort you felt in the monotonous acts in the game was a powerful thought process as it shows that it's something you and your video game character felt more in control of. Especially as you go on to explain how hard it was for your character to deal with having to do swaps and interacting with other characters.
Overall I thought this was a really unique take on social anxiety and it was well written. Very well done !
Thank you so much for your time and kind words!!
Hey there, Rebel here for a short review! Let's start off by saying that this short story reminds me of an episode in an Isekai anime - with its setting in a game, interactions with other game characters, and sly humour.
This short story is near-perfect, however, it can use some polishing in my opinion. For example - at first, in the first and second paragraphs, Victoria is addressed to as "her", while in the later paragraphs, actions done by Victoria are articulated by the first person. Like, instead of "I form a strained smile", you could have written "Victoria forms a strained smile". Of course, it's your personal choice, but it feels a little contradictory to me. The threefold repetition of the line "You need like five potions just to feel sorta alright." feels a bit out of place in my opinion, you could have followed it and/or preceded it by a word or two.
Now, enough criticism. Let's focus on the good stuff. The pacing of dialogue and character interactions feel natural and understandable. The narrator and her personality is relatable. And the ending, although expected, does not feel forced at all and instead adds to the humour by the asking the reader "Why?".
Overall, it was a really fun read! That's all from me!
P.S.: This review was brought to you by Team Tortoise.
Thank you so much for your time and insight! Your review was very helpful, and I'm glad you found the dialogue natural because I've always been quite hesitant to write it for fear of it sounding awkward. So thanks for all the help and kind words!
It's my pleasure! :p
Hey, hey!! Just going through the green room and stumbled upon this piece. And WOW!! What a gem!!
The first sentence instantly had me intrigued. I loved your word choice with "fumbling" and the fact that the main character missed his/he opportunity to respond. But quick point on that sentence:
It really made it sound like the character was fumbling with the controls. Maybe try "fumbling with my controls, I miss the opportunity to press the reply option above my character Victoria" or something a little more streamlined. I just felt that it was a little confusing.
But now let me get back to the positives. The main character is very relatable. Honestly, I don't play video games but that thought process was spot on relatable! From the living to do very mundane every day tasks to thinking of a response and repeating it way to many times to missing the opportunity to speak. Hit that right on! I have those moments all the time when I'm in a conversation, know what to say, but don't say it until it's too late. Again, a real life experience not a game experience but it really captures the idea so well!! And I also relate to living the behind the scenes play and hating interaction. I loved how during the conversation you mentioned that the character just wanted to go back to his farming and see the sun because that was way more fun.
Also, quick tip. For the characters thoughts, maybe use italics so it's easier to tell that the character is thinking and not actually saying that?
The dialogue between the game characters made me so unhappy! By that point, I had already formed a connection to this very relatable character as now he or she is getting beaten back. Obviously the character hates conflict too (another relatable trait) and just wanted out of the conversation at that point and allowed him/herself to be abused. Very sad!! And the bad deal that was made because of the decision to just try to end the overwhelming conflict made me feel even sadder.
Now I just want to give the videogames a hug. Probably this person jumped on the game to have some fun after a bad day and this is what happened! I recommend a different more relaxing game for this person because getting treated like. This is just sad.
I also want to point out that you did really well with combining description with dialogue. For almost every piece of dialogue you included a little bit of action tagged right along which helps to build a me mental image of what's going on.
Also loved this little snippet. I would point out that these are fragments but given the context, this repetition worked well to introduce the sense of homeliness and routine that the character loves!
Over all, FABULOUS job!! Really enjoyed the read! Wishing you wonderful days ahead!
-Kaia
Thank you so much for your review! I'm so glad you connected to the main character! Also, thank you for helping me out with that starting sentence. I kept reworking it, and it just kept feeling awkward to me. Thank you so much for all your kind words and help, it's greatly appreciated!
Hello! I absolutely love this story. I’m not even a big fan of video games, but I totally relate to this social anxiety. From the first few sentences, I kind of thought that it was going to be a reality interconnected with video games type of story, but later I realised that the whole story was actually just about the game. The social anxiety that Victoria feels is very well expressed. Specially in the part where the shoppers are tracking her movements and she thinks it’s her awkward stride they’re looking at, and the part where she repeats the sentence “ You need like five potions just to feel sorta alright” in her mind four times before she comes up with the nerve to actually say it. This happens to me all the time. It’s great the way it is but you could consider changing the wordings slight each time, like she’s thinking or trying to decide what she’s going to say. That would be more realistic for me, but this works awesomely too, so it’s up to you. My favourite lines?
Definitely “I hadn’t thought that far ahead. Why hadn’t I thought that far ahead. What’s wrong with me?” It sounds like I’m saying it.
The barter at the end shows how, with social anxiety, people are ready to literally do anything and sacrifice about everything just to get out of the awkward situation. This is an awesome story but I think the final line “Why did I find this easy objective more stressful than a boss fight?” I’m not saying it NEEDS to be changed. I just think I’d personally prefer an ending to come with a new surprise or something. I think the reader already knows that’s what you were implying throughout the story. But even if it remains exactly the way it is, it’s a great story according to me.
Keep writing, I want more of your work!!!
Thank you so much for review! I'm glad the character's struggle came across as realistic and relatable. I love the idea of changing the "You need like five potions just to feel sorta alright" slightly each time! And I agree about the ending, I feel like I could have come up something more. I'll keep thinking about that as I revisit this story. Thank you so much for your help and kind words!