I suddenly woke up. I was breathing raggedly. I was not even wondering why such a dream occurred to me. Why? Because I have been dreaming that dream over and over again. Being replayed into my mind when I started to sleep. Sometimes, I was even scared to go to sleep every night when I was still a child. Fortunately, my mother was always there for me. Hugging, supporting and loving me all through these years.
Then, my attention was caught by the gentle slam of the door of my room. It was my mother. So dazzling and handsome. And, she always wear those same type of clothes. Frilly, full of sash, bulky and pinkish, like a middle period princess. Her hair so long and blonde.
“What’s wrong, darling? You look troubled and pale. Is it because of that dream again?” she softly inquired.
I nodded in response. By the way, when you want to ask me about my father, I can only answer you with ‘I don’t know’. My mother said he died due to an accident, even before I turned six and he’s twelve years dead by now. I couldn’t even remember him, not even a single glimpse of him from any of his memoirs. My mother said she had kept it for it let her remember the hurt she experienced.
“You shouldn’t remember too much, honey.” Even though it was light and soft, I had heard it. What does my mother meant by: not remembering too much? Is there something within that dream of mine? And why does my mother shiver when she just hugged me?
“Mom, can I ask you something?”
“Yes, dear, of course,” while still hugging me.
“Why am I not allowed to go outside the mansion?”
I heard a low gasp from my mother and freed me from her grasp.
“Why did you suddenly want to ask that, Verna?”
“It’s because I truly wanted to see what’s outside this place.”
“That’s something I could not afford to do, darling.”
“But why, Mom?!” I almost yelled out the question.
“It’s enough, Verna!”—her voice so strong and demanding—“No matter what you do or say to make me agree with what you want I would still refuse! The outside world is a dangerous place and I couldn’t afford to lose you. Ask for anything but not about the outside world, Verna.” That was all and she disappeared from my room.
The wall was cold within my palms. I was looking unto blank space and walking endlessly. The sun’s rays couldn’t even reach me; I couldn’t even see a thing beneath those thick tapestries which covers anything. It was as if I’m a sick woman being quarantined in this world. For the past eighteen years, since I regained consciousness of what’s behind these thick walls and large windows. I inquired my mother if I could just take a glimpse of the exterior of our house. However, I was always rejected repeatedly, and I had no choice but to follow. Likewise, I loved my mother and owe everything to her. Nevertheless, everything’s changed when I heard that certain conversation of my mother to our butler a few minutes ago.
“She’s beginning to remember,” I heard from afar. I’m going to my mother’s room to demand her for reasons why I shouldn’t go outside. Her voice leaked out for the door’s slightly opened and even though I knew that eavesdropping is bad, I still bothered to listen from the other side of the door.
“What do you mean by that, my lady?” our butler asked.
“That damn Verna!” I softly gasped. “She want to go outside this house and that’s something I could not let her do! Then those dreams of hers about a shadow holding something and about her body filled with blood! I’m gonna get crazy with that woman!”
“Why wouldn’t you just eliminate her?” the butler suggested.
Eliminate? Eliminate who? Me? No way! What would mother gain from me?
“Three years more, Ravie, I’m gonna send her off with ‘that woman’ and they’ll be together, forever!” then her mother laughed. A sarcastic one.
I immediately ran away from the door. I don’t want to hear anything anymore. I just want to let myself be occupied with something. But, I felt hurt deep inside me. Like, I’m being struck by a knife. And, I didn’t want those dialogues to tear down my love for my mother.
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