Young Writers Society

Hello Blueca, I was seriously impressed by this poem. It's blunt and feisty and powerful. I'm generally someone who prefers flowery language and hidden meanings, but I am really glad you didn't try to couch your message in a lot of complicated metaphors. It would dilute the urgency I think.

I have to respectfully disagree with luminescence, I actually like how you start with "we all need to pee," It really catches your attention.

I am a little confused by the line "yet you say some are exclusive" It seems a bit wordy in contrast to the rest of the poem. Maybe if you even just changed it to "yet some are excluded," it might help make the meaning clearer.

Piyali Archives

Hi!

Loved this poem! I think you just spoke my heart out.

I liked how you used repetition as a factor because honestly the poem has a greater effect by structure if used correctly. I also liked that you changed it in the second stanza by replacing "we all" with "why do you care" and then bringing it back. I think it is a really good strategy and personally I think this is a structure I will write in, in the future.

Secondly, the message is the truth. It is surprising how some people still don't understand this. We all are human and we should be treated as one even with our differences.

Overall, very nice

Have a great writing day!

'Ello there!

I identify as a non-binary person, and this really hits hard because I've been through these exact situations with some pretty rude people. I believe that as humans, we should strive to take care of each other even if we have differences, but some people don't like to see from that viewpoint (and most won't change their views anyway.)

I like everything happening here because it sounds like it comes directly from you and your experiences with other people, and I tend to enjoy poetry like that. I do have some things to mention about wording choices and ways to make your poem hit harder ~

we all need to pee,

let me use the bathrooms.

we all seek acceptance,

yet you still spread hate.

we all are human,

treat me like i am.