we all need to pee,
let me use the bathrooms.
we all wear clothes,
yet you give fabric a gender.
we all need a doctor,
give me one who can help.
-
why do you care
if something's in my pants?
why do you care
if or how i love and whom?
-
we all have rights,
yet you say some are exclusive.
we all seek acceptance
yet you're hateful as can be.
we all are human,
treat me as i am.
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140,110 Literary Works • 673,017 Reviews
Hello Blueca, I was seriously impressed by this poem. It's blunt and feisty and powerful. I'm generally someone who prefers flowery language and hidden meanings, but I am really glad you didn't try to couch your message in a lot of complicated metaphors. It would dilute the urgency I think.
I have to respectfully disagree with luminescence, I actually like how you start with "we all need to pee," It really catches your attention.
I am a little confused by the line "yet you say some are exclusive" It seems a bit wordy in contrast to the rest of the poem. Maybe if you even just changed it to "yet some are excluded," it might help make the meaning clearer.
Alright, I'll keep that in mind! Glad you liked it
Hi!
Loved this poem! I think you just spoke my heart out.
I liked how you used repetition as a factor because honestly the poem has a greater effect by structure if used correctly. I also liked that you changed it in the second stanza by replacing "we all" with "why do you care" and then bringing it back. I think it is a really good strategy and personally I think this is a structure I will write in, in the future.
Secondly, the message is the truth. It is surprising how some people still don't understand this. We all are human and we should be treated as one even with our differences.
Overall, very nice
Have a great writing day!
'Ello there!
I identify as a non-binary person, and this really hits hard because I've been through these exact situations with some pretty rude people. I believe that as humans, we should strive to take care of each other even if we have differences, but some people don't like to see from that viewpoint (and most won't change their views anyway.)
I like everything happening here because it sounds like it comes directly from you and your experiences with other people, and I tend to enjoy poetry like that. I do have some things to mention about wording choices and ways to make your poem hit harder ~
I see the impact this was trying to make, and I do agree on bathrooms being terrible places for someone not cis; "pee" might not be the best choice though because it sounds almost childish? This is just personal thoughts though, so it doesn't make that much of a difference if it stays or if it turns into another word.
(I'm also not sure what words can go there because most are really science themed, or just not the right fit for poetry.)
"Spread hate" is a tad bit of a weak phrase to me. There are some really bad people out there, and they do a lot more than spread hate around. I'm also unsure of acceptance seeking being something similar to hate spreading, and how they are divided by a comma because usually, commas divide similar thoughts and ideas.
Very small nitpick, but maybe "treat me as i am" can go there instead. "Like" just doesn't sound good paired with the above lines.
Ahh thank you for writing this; good job ~
L
Thank you for your suggestions! It's pretty infuriating that these experiences are commmonplace for folks like you and I, but I'm glad you found meaning in my poem.