Forfeiting life is the worst sin man can commit.
After all of this destruction, how could someone quit?
I fought to the end, the bill still comes due;
Remember, sinners, I’m not the first to die for you.
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139,235 Literary Works • 672,520 Reviews
Hey! Maple Way here with a quick review!
I really liked this poem! It was a little short but in the end, I think it added to the overall message. It is short and to the point, kind of like an order. My favorite lines were the first and last due to the fact that they were so powerful. For what I would change I couldn't find anything.
Anyways great first poem! I can't wait to see more from you!
OH. MY. GOD.
My first impression was this; "huh it's kinda a small poem, eh it's probably not going to be that good.". UH LET'S JUST SAY I WAS VERY MUCH WRONG.
I swear there is literally so much going on here and I LOVE IT. This could just be me over analyzing as usual, but wowzers. At first it seems as though it's going to be about the dangers of commiting suicide. BUT THEN, the tone/mood of the poem COMPLETELY flips, and it's almost as though the subject is seen from a completely different perspective. Maybe there's a little shift in colors here (gray to deep red/ light blue to dark purple). My favorite are the last few lines. I literally can't say enough about this poem. Literally how is this so good.
But I'm going to stop here, because it doesn't seem fair to keep writing "omg this is amazing" over and over.
I don't have any suggestions, this is actually so good as it is.
Overall: a scrumptious work of art.
Ah!!! Thank you so much, I wish I had gotten around to reading your reveiw sooner! I'm really glad you enjoyed this lil poem of mine
!
I haven't read/watched the piece of media you're writing about, but I still enjoyed this poem! Quatrains are a real challenge, especially when you add rhythm and rhyme, and you nailed it. I'm assuming you're talking about a military member or some other type of fighter committing suicide or going on a suicide mission, but feel free to tell me if I'm wrong. You left it vague enough so the reader had to do some work but not so vague that it was like a riddle. My one critique is that the last line has one too many syllables. Other than that, perfect. Thank you for your poem!
Thank you for the review! I'm glad people are able to find meaning outside the context of the original work.
Hello @blueca!
It's very captivating. It sounds like a very solemn farewell, and one that leaves you to interpret it for yourself. It really puts you in deep thought. I, myself, think about religion, especially with the terms like "sin" and "sinners", and how Jesus died for us on the cross. However, you can also think about the military, and how they lay down and risk their lives every day for us. It's beautiful how all of this can come from 4 sentences. Overall, you did a lovely job. Keep up the great work!
Thank you! Those interpretations deviate from my intentions, but I'm glad you enjoyed it and found meaning.