Vowing After Death

Hey! Hightop here with a review day review!

So I'm not a huge fan of rhyming poetry, but I think you did a good job here. It flowed nicely and you didn't limit yourself on words, which is hard to do so well done!

Your use if imagery was very good and it tied in with your comparisons making the imagery even more vivid. I especially liked the line " left my eyes oceans".

I noticed a lack if punctuation, which I'm guessing is a stylistic choice on your part. Usually I wouldn't argue with that, but I think punctuation could slow the reader down and let him/her absorb the abundant emotion in this poem.

I did like your poem, I'm just nit-picking xD keep on writing!

Hiiii, Leo here to review....

To start off, i would say that the poem left me doubtful in a couple of lines....

"Random little buzzers shock

My memory to swing in motion

Connecting rusty wires

Leaving my eyes oceans"

I am blank!!!! are you trying to convey the message of death of someone dear to us in the expression "little buzzers shock" which i don't think you are...maybe??? because the news of the death of our dear ones are not "little buzzers shock" if i am not wrong...

The first line i see you have rhymed with the next, "but" the third line simply breaks away from the second making a sudden fall in the scale of the rhythm..like,the first two lines are slow and steady but the third line just makes a run..its pace increases...not good when you read..

"Love is what lasts

After bodies decay

Loving each other

When words can’t say"

I love this line!!!!:-) i has sweet touch to it...the survival of love, even after death....gooodd job....

Thank you...I hope my review helps

Let me just start off by saying that I really enjoyed this poem. I just had a couple of things to comment on.
First, the rhythm in the first four lines is incredibly fast-paced in comparison to the rest of the poem. The abrupt change in tempo really threw me off at first and I felt as though my eyes were moving too fast and I had to reread the next few lines in order to find the consistency. I really liked the first stanza- it was almost catchy- but when put up against the rest of it I'm not entirely sure it's even necessary. I think the follow-through in the rest of the poem gives it enough to stand without.
Secondly, just a small suggestion. The line:

"Leaving my eyes oceans"

I think that a simple "as" before oceans might make this one line flow a little easier. I really love this line because it gives a great sense of imagery as well as a clear feeling of what exactly is going on in the author's mind. But that is just a suggestion. Other than that I think it's awesome.
All in all, I really liked this poem. It's clearly describes your perspectives on love and what it means to you. I think it's excellent. I REALLY loved the last line. At first glance I felt as though it needed something a little extra but upon reading it a second time I realized that it works perfectly and totally ties everything together for the end. Good job and keep up the good work!

The chasms made this a nightmare to read. Please don't put those huge 3 line gaps in.For your review I am going to quote your whole poem and then place my suggestions for improvements within it. I am going to put some punctuation corrections in, (since you seem to have forgotten them all) and also I think you could do with some stanzas. I will put some in suggested places. Also in bold are words that I think could be rephrased for more sense.

He would have laughed,
smiled, cried, yelled or sighed.
That crinkle in his right eye would wrinkle;
he’d chuckle, he’d play, his feet would sway.

Random little buzzers shock
my memory to swing into motion.
Connecting rusty wires,
leaving my eyes as oceans.

Voices are displaced,
faces come in blurry;
we put the dead out of our head,
but their lovers mustn’t hurry.

Those who take the vow,
“till death do us part,"
lie under their breath,
forever lying in their heart.

The heart is one’s home,
even after departing.
Your lover will lurk in every passion
no chance of restarting.

Love is surviving,
enduring the night.
Living your life,
after seeing the light.

Love is what lasts,
after bodies decay.
Loving each other
What/when* words can't say.

*Neither of these words make sense on their own and I couldn't figure out how to make it make sense.

Random little buzzers shock
my memory to swing into motion.
Connecting rusty wires,

leaving my eyes oceans.

Very nice poem about love. It surely gave me a sweet impression of how love feels. Indeed, it was clearly a "love-truth" in words.

"The heart is one’s home
Even after departing"

This line really struck me most because it highlighted a reality that no matter how many people pass by your heart. Still it's everyone's home that they would go to when they are in need of something. Sheer love.

This poem is amazing at describing the complicated
story of love. I love how the words flow and describe
how long love lasts. My favourite line was 'when words can say'
and that is so true because your lovers words
can be fake and worth nothing.

Amazing. You clearly stated what is the simple truth- love is above words. Even for us writers who find words our easiest tool of expression. You captured that lost feeling of loosing someone with that feeling of your love being there- yet not. I can't even describe how you did it! but you did. Awesome. Beautiful.