Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.
Sorry guys! This one's a bit of a doozy! I won't ask you to read all of this and review it all, but if you want to review what you did manage to read, I'll gladly take that.
CHAPTER X THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT
Edress
15,
326
Helm Medrik saw light once more as
the
trunk opened. He strained his eyes, saw
that it was night time, and that above him was a lamp post. Two men stood in
the darkness, staring down at him with eyes he couldn't see. Rain fell softly
on his face.
He tensed, feeling the cords around his
wrists biting into his skin.
One of the men spoke, his voice like
gravel in a dark pit far below the
surface. "Get out."
With some forcing, they got him out of the
car and onto his feet. He could
barely discern their shapes; Whether or not from the bullet wound in his leg or
from the night itself, he couldn't tell.
In front of him was a undecorated,
ordinary phone booth, with an open door.
The other man walked inside of the booth,
and placed a tiny circular device on
the wire; The booth shuddered with electronic vibrations, then was still.
Then the man dialed a number into it. He
waited for a moment, a moment that
felt like an eternity to Helm. Then, Helm heard a tiny voice come through the
receiver. The man holding it nodded.
The man stepped out and his partner shoved
Helm in; Helm slammed against the
back wall, falling onto his knees. He felt blood start to trickle down his
forehead.
The gravel-voiced man spoke once more.
"Pick up the
phone."
With slow, trembling hands, Helm managed
to reach and grab the phone, despite
his arms being bound. The ringing on the receiver stopped. "Hello."
Helm's heart rate skyrocketed.
"Hello."
The voice answered him on the other
line; It
was two different tones, one a
higher pitch and the other gutturally deep... It was probably modulated.
"Hello." It
said again.
"Who is this?"
"Do not trouble yourself with that detail.
It will be useless to you soon. Tell
me what you saw at the Manor."
"Why? Why should I tell you anything?"
"Do, or do not. I really don't care. The
gun pointed at the back of your head
right now doesn't either."
Helm did not turn around to confirm this,
but he took the stranger's word. "I
saw... A beast. It looked like a mech, but moved and fought like a man. And a
girl... With silver hair. She became... Like that thing. A monster. I-"
Helm didn't hear the gun go off.
***
The Lord Clad In Light hung up the phone.
He pondered the information given to
him as he watched the movie screen; In his personal theater, he had every
movie ever made, right at his fingertips.
On the screen, a dark-haired woman was
sitting in a car on a rainy night, clad
in a white trench coat and smoking a cigarette, ignoring the man leaning into
the open car door.
"You know what's wrong with you, Miss
Whoever-You-Are? You're chicken. You've
got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, 'Okay, life's a
fact, people do fall in love..."
The Lord's butler bowed and turned to
leave. The Lord gestured for him to
remain.
"Not yet, Chancel. One more call must be
made."
"...You call yourself a free spirit, a
'wild thing', and you're terrified
somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage.
You built it yourself." On the screen, emotion broke in Audrey Hepburn's wide,
grey eyes.
***
Durl hung up the phone, his hands shaking.
Outside, the arctic winds of Borealis tore
at the windows. He peered down at
Block B through the bullet-proof window of the security kiosk; at the the cells
holding a dozen men each. Some were rapists, some were big-time drug
traffickers, others were terrorists with extreme ideologies and methodologies,
but most of them were just men. Men who had broken the most taboo laws and sent
north to mine ice for the rest of their lives.
They were like canisters of fuel, waiting
for the next flame to set them
alight.
Do they really deserve
to be free? I wonder.
He glanced at his partner, a young man
with slicked back brown hair and an
impudent smirk. His partner returned his gaze.
"What was that about?"
"The gods walk the world once more. I must
do what must be done."
His partner blinked. "The hell are you
talking about, Durl? Who
was that on the phone?"
Durl didn't answer. Instead, he drew his
pistol and shot his partner in
the heart. The young guard, probably the son of some mainland lord, wore a
permanent expression of alarm as his life's blood poured onto his guard uniform.
Shoving him out of the chair, Durl sat at
the console and pressed the hundreds
of buttons with a sleight of hand.
The cells slid open, and a sea of orange
poured out almost instantly; The
inmates were shouting, shoving, throwing eachother over the guard rails to die
three stories below. A bear-kin roared as men dug fingers into his fur,
mounting him and stabbing him with makeshift knives. He bucked them off and
they too went over the guard rail.
Then Durl pulled the switch to his right,
and opened the door to Cell Block B.
The prisoners were a raging river of flesh and blood, as the guards behind the
door were caught unaware. Gunshots rang out, a few inmates vanished under the
stampede... Nevertheless, the guards
were overtaken, then their broken corpses were held up and paraded down to the
other blocks.
After climbing several stairs, Durl
approached the Warden's office, as the
apocalypse broke loose around him. The floor was slick with blood and toppled
with corpses, and yet no-one attacked him or indeed, even seem to notice him.
Perhaps the inmates knew it was he who had freed them. Perhaps they saw the
pump shotgun at his waist, hanging in a non-threatening manner.
Or perhaps the Makers had blessed his path
for this last, terrible trial.
He pressed the intercom button, and drew
in his breath. He did his best to
emulate panic and anguish.
"Sir! Please help me! They've overrun B
and C blocks! Sir, please!"
No answer from the intercom.
"Sir! It's Durl! Your nephew, Durl!"
The door slid open, and Durl stepped
inside before the inmates saw and rushed
towards him. Their fists hammered on the bulkhead as Durl looked around the
handsomely furnished room.
Durl's uncle, the Warden Falyuus, peeked
out from behind the wooden desk, his
bald pate laden with sweat. "What in the blazes is going on out there, Durl?
Weren't you in charge of B?"
"I was." Durl unslung the shotgun, pumped,
and leveled it at Falyuus. "Stand
up."
Falyuus stood up shakily, raising his
hands above his head. "W...what is this?"
"Shut up and come here."
Falyuus obeyed. As he drew close, Durl
grabbed him by the collar and shoved him
towards the door. Falyuus cried out hysterically.
"Durl, why are you doing this? You haven't
taken a bribe from one of those...
scum, have you? Whatever they're offering you, I'll double it. I'll triple it."
"I do this not for greed. But for the
truth."
Ignoring Falyuus' screams, Durl opened the
bulkhead. It slid open, and a swarm
of enraged inmates grabbed him by the clothes and pulled him away.
Falyuus reached out a hand, and Durl took
it.
The bulkhead's doors closed with a soft
hiss, catching Falyuus' arm in it; The
bones shattered and the sinew tore apart, spraying blood over the expensive
carpet and wallpaper.
He could almost hear the screams outside.
Almost.
Durl approached the back of the room, and
moved aside an oil painting of the
Queen, revealing a sleek metal wall with a small, hand shaped console in the
center.
Durl took the severed hand and placed the
palm against the console.
The console flashed green, and a pleasant
female voice greeted him.
"Authorization complete. Welcome, Mr. Falyuus."
The wall slid away to reveal a square room
lit overhead by a flourescent lamp.
An elevator. Durl stepped inside and pressed an unmarked green button. The
doors closed, and the elevator jerked to life.
He rode it down, down, for what felt like
eternity. Twenty minutes had passed
before he the elevator came to a stop.
The doors opened, revealing a dark,
dripping room carved from ice. A single
light source cut through the darkness, spotlighting a lone man. He was naked,
and emeciated, with a tremendous silver beard flowing down to hide his
extremities. His white hair flowed on the ground behind him, uncut for many
years.
He was chained by his arms to two iron
posts on either side. He hung in midair,
his skeletal legs dangling below him. The hilt of a colossal sword stood out
from
his torso, the blade that stuck out from his back nearly touching the floor.
Durl was overcome with fervor. He fell to
his knees, and prayed to the Makers,
praised them for giving him this chance.
Then he stood, ready. Raising the shotgun, he aimed, and blasted
the chains apart. The blast reverberated throughout the icy chamber, then fell silent. The figure toppled
onto his knees, but did not fall.
Then Durl placed a hand on the figure's
bony shoulder, and with a tremendous
effort drew the blade from the prisoner's chest. It emerged, coated in fresh,
steaming blood.
Then the figure opened his eyes, and
screamed.
He writhed and thrashed on the ground, as
his body began to take shape; The
bones vanished under rolling muscles, and the skin became bright, and healthy.
The man clutched at his chest, crying out in rage and pain.
Durl caught a glimpse of a heart, beating
hard and fast behind a pearly white ribcage. Then the wound closed,
as if it had never truly been there.
The man sat up, breathing hard, and then
he looked at Durl, his eyes confused
and filled with animalistic savagery. "Where the fuck am I?"
"Borealis, Your Grace."
"Borealis...?" The figure stood in all of
his glory, once a shade of a person,
now a full-bodied study of evolution at work. His rheumy eyes regained color,
and knowledge
seemed to take form. "Alnora. I'm in Alnora. "
"Yes, Your Grace. Here, your blade."
The man took it, and looked at it. He then
turned his gaze to Durl.
"And who are you?"
"I am no-one, My Lord. A willing servant,
that is all. My name will mean
nothing soon. Do you remember your
name?"
The ancient being looked down, struggling
to think. "My name... is Haku. Haku
Feldman."
"Yes." Durl beamed, overflowing with
happiness. "I have been tasked to free you
from imprisonment, and I have succeeded. Do you see that box over there, Your
Grace? That is called an elevator,
and it will take you to the surface."
"I know what a fucking elevator is." Haku
grumbled and shoved past him. "I
wasn't born yesterday."
He took a few steps, and half-turning, he
spoke half-apologetically. "Uh...
What are you doing with that hand?"
"...Nothing that need concern Your Grace."
"Yeah, okay. Whatever."
Durl watched him as Haku left, his river
of silvery hair flowing behind him.
Durl
thought to say something, but thought better of it. The elevator doors closed,
and he drew his pistol, and raised it to his temple.
Then, after a long moment of hesitation,
Durl pulled the trigger. The muzzle
flashed, and in that instant Durl's life played out before his eyes like a
movie. He paused a moment on a conversation from his childhood.
Fader, why do the men
in the village say
Armaea is the only god?
They are ignorant,
boy. None know the real
truth of the Makers. Especially my fool brother, Falyuus. There are many Makers, but there is only one who should rule this
land.
Who is that, Fader?
The True King of
Alnora. The King of Blades,
and Fader of the World. Haku Feldman.
He then watched the rest of the film.
***
Haku
found
himself
in
an
office,
the
decorative
style
quite
familiar
to him and
yet eerily unique. His brain was working in overdrive, reassembling and
reordering too much data to properly control. He needed to sit a moment and
take it all in.
He sat on a chair, and thought about how
long it had been since he sat in an
office chair. How long had it been?
C'mon man. Think.
Okay... That's a radio. A
lamp.
A ceiling fan. Ink pens. Softcover books...Post-industrial?
He strained to remember what had happened
before. Before the long, dark slumber
devoid of inner conciousness.
He glanced at the sword, which he had
leaned against the wall.
After a moment, he stood and reached for
his sword, then caught a glimpse of
himself in the reflection of the metal doors in front of him. He looked like a
half-man, half-broom.
Gathering up the tangle of hair, Haku
raised the sword, and cut clean through
six feet of hair without effort. Then, carefully, he cut off about four feet of
beard.
He was left with a tangle of chest length
hair and a bushy Santa Claus beard (another random memory), but a closer shave
with the sword would be an assured decapitation. Decapitation was entirely
unpleasant.
Haku moved on to the console to the right
of the doors. There was a single
button, metal and circular. He strained his eyes at the four characters on the placard, unable to
discern a single one.
Open
Above it was a depiction of two white
boxes moving away from eachother, with
arrows pointing in opposite directions- oh my
god it says "open". It's a bulkhead, you dumbass. He slammed his palm on
it, hard.
The creeping feeling of deja vu became
overwhelming as the bulkheads slid open,
revealing a hallway crowded with men in orange jumpsuits. A prison. Because those worked so
well in America, right
Tania?
As he stepped out, naked as the day he was
born, and carrying a sword two
inches taller than he was, the prisoners stood aside. It became deathly silent
in that hallway.
"Where's the way out?"
A tiger-kin male with wide shoulders and
huge, yellowing fangs spoke first.
Haku saw the flash of a tattoo on his tongue; A black human skull. "You leave
this place in a body bag, humie. Sniper towers for miles around, landmines in
the ice, and an Emmay patroling the front gate. Not to mention frozen death for
leagues in any direction. Nobody escapes Boar's Eye Penitentiary."
"Sorry... Er, what's an Emmay?"
"Stands for Mobile Artillery, as in Mobile
Artillery Suit. How long you been
locked up, humie?"
"Honestly, I have no idea. As for the
Emmay, I think I know what you're talking
about. That's why I carry this." Haku pointed at his blade, and they marveled
at it. "If you can get me to the front gate, I probably won't kill all of you.
And gimme some goddamn clothes."
***
With a posse of escapees at his back, Haku
followed the signs until he was in a
huge chamber, fifty to sixty meters tall and just about the same width. A loading
bay. Instead of crates of freight, there were cages large enough for convicts
to be lifted into the airlocks above by unmanned cranes installed into
the upper levels. The fighting in the loading bay was reaching fever pitch,
with the acrid smell of blood, shit and smoke filling Haku's nostrils.
Then he saw it, standing immobile by one
of the bay doors, and more memories
burned in his brain, as if with etched with a sauldering gun. The thing was
gargantuan, compared to
what Haku saw behind his eyes like a billion-pixel screenshot.
He remembered swords, iron shields,
burning pitch, cobble streets, horse-drawn
carriages, stone furnaces.
Instead of personal armor, the humans had
invented something like a
steam-powered armor, with
the assistance of archaeological "mages". It allowed the person within to do
untold amounts of damage, though the weaponry and technology was limited at the
time to what they knew. Swords. Steel plate. Steam power (which they had
discovered pretty early on, actually). Iron shields. "Magic".
Of course, someone had to up the ante.
Someone had to invent gunpowder, and
firearms. He saw them everywhere now, littered around the ground and in the
arms of terrified guards and frenzied escapees alike. And the ones built into
the mech by the loading bay doors were large enough to crush ten men in single
file.
Jesus Christ. This nightmare creation
appeared to be this era's homage to German Panzer tank. The snow-camouflaged
armor plating was thick, with several plates built angling outward
along the front and sides, probably best to deflect and disperse explosives and
projectiles. Man-sized booster engines were built into the starboard, port, and
aft sections of the main vehicle.
The entire upper half looked like it had
been put together from spare parts.
It's upper half was a cylindrical torso like a car, beset by enormous
shoulders, both arms bolted to guns with four barrels and a box magazine the
size of a horse.
Wrapping around the side of its bucket-like head was a medley of tiny,
glistening instruments; Either cameras, heat signature scanners, or a
combination of the two.
It was inert, he saw; Prisoners had
climbed it and were banging on the cockpit
hatch with pipes and the butts of guns.
As he stepped to look closer at it, it
moved. The upper body swiveled up and
out of the treads, the hydraulics whirring and complaining. Floodlights came
on, blinding in the dim dark of the loading bay. The upper half turned,
bringing the chainguns to bear, while the treads screeched and the lower half
turned haphazardly to the right, slamming into a mob of inmates.
The barrels started spinning, the sound a
grating screech in Haku's ears. Then
it aimed at him, and fired.
He dove to his right, rolled, and hit the
ground running at a ninety degree
angle. He didn't turn around to see if the escapees were following. Boosters
thrummed to life, The mech spun in place, and Haku felt wind at his back.
He ducked, and swung his sword into the
air.
Sparks shot from above, bathing his skin
in hot stabs of pain. Metal screeched
and parted, and the mech's forearm came free, flying through the air from the
momentum of the mech's swing. It crashed into a stack of crates, inmates
screaming and grasping at the bars as they went down.
The ground thundered as the thrusters
turned on, the mech rocketing sidelong
and slamming into Haku with the treads. He gripped on, as the machine swayed to
and
fro.
He's panicking.
Probably a good time to take
advantage.
The treads screeched, the thrusters
sputtered and eventually the mech screeched
to a
complete stop. Haku couldn't help but laugh as he shimmied up the treads,
sprinted over the hull of the tank, and brought his sword up to cut clean
through the midsection.
The tank-half took off on its own, the
torso slamming hard into the floor. The
arms appeared to be in free-fall for a moment, before they too, came crashing
down to earth. Haku jumped off of the vehicle, thumped onto the ground, and
watched as it crashed with a deafening roar into a security office on the right
side.
Haku stood up, and was suddenly aware of
the stillness. Up to a moment ago, the
air had been rife with screams and chanting, but now it was akin to the inside
of a coffin.
All eyes were on him. The fighting had
come to an utter stand still as captive
and captor slowly walked towards him. A red mist flowed along the edge of his
blade, made of tiny countless particles no bigger than a grain of sand,
luminous and enthralling.
Come to think of it,
where did I get this sword?
A voice spoke in his head; Sinister,
calculating, and frozen solid.
I have always been here. I am you. And you
are me.
Then he noticed something was off... He
felt as if he had left something
behind, or simply dropped it. Then he noticed the stump of his arm, and noted
it had been blown off at the elbow. Ragged
red
strips
hung
from
the
stump,
dripping
ruby
red onto a puddle of maroon below.
Allow me to fix that
for you.
Electricity crackled in the air, and
converged on the stump, condensing to form
bones; Glowing wires crisscrossed to form sinew, and pale skin
wrapped over, sealing the intricate machinery of the human body from prying
eyes.
He flexed his new hand, satisfied.
Thanks. Who are you?
You may call me
Baphomet.I am your sword.
...Literally? You're
literally my sword?
There was an astounded silence for a moment.
...Well, yes. I meant
it in the figurative
sense, but yes. I am the sword you are
currently holding.
Neat.
"He took down that M.A. with nothing but a
sheet of metal," someone whispered from the crowd.
"Never seen anything like it," said another.
A shirtless, muscled man covered in
tattoos from head to toe, fell before Haku
on his knees. "The legends are true! All hail The King Of Gods!"
"I'm going to stop you right there, bud. I
am not a King, and I am not a God.
What I am is incredibly pissed off." Haku turned to walk away as the bulkheads
opened, letting in a piercing wind that sent the escapees reeling.
No-one followed.
Despite the wind, the air was perfectly
clear, and Haku could see ribbons of
aurora borealis above him. This place was aptly named.
Frost-bitten metal walls surrounded the
parade grounds on all sides, broken
here and there with high towers wrapped around with thick double-plated steel.
They were all occupied, as were the parade grounds.
Floodlights poured on him from a barricade
of trucks and mechs. Men stood
behind both, with rifles trained at the slightest movement. Someone shouted at
him through a megaphone.
"Turn around and return to your cell!"
Haku gave him the one finger salute, an
ancient form of sign language long lost
to this world. "No, you fuck off."
He heard guns clattering, bolts being
drawn back, barrels accelerating- Then
Haku heard a sizzling in the air.
The barricade was consumed by a hail of
missiles from above; Plumes of snow shot into
the night, followed by blasts of shrapnel and hellfire. Men screamed, and then
were silent as quickly as the attack had come.
Haku gripped his sword tight, and looked
up.
Through the smoke he could see a shape in
the clouds, dark and ominous. It was rectangular, and was suspended in the air
by huge rotors; Then he
realized that was what he was hearing in the background, as three more shapes
came roaring from the west and circled the parade grounds once. They too were
rotorcraft of some make, extremely sophisticated and powerful, armored in black
steel and fiberglass.
They extended landing gear, and the twin
rotors beat at the ground, fanning the
flames of the ruin. A man stepped out from the center rotorcraft, and
approached Haku calmy and deliberately, watching Haku cautiously.
He was young, perhaps in his early
fourties.
A slick of finely cut black hair
framed his angular features, while unnervingly green eyes peered out from under
thick eyebrows. He was clad in a black over-check jacket, and blue slacks. He
looked almost like a cardboard cut-out of a character from a Prohibition
Era-themed T.V. show. The
man's appearance was so off-putting Haku had completely forgotten what he had
to say.
He glanced at the fire, then at the prison
behind Haku, as if assessing the damage, then bowed.
"If you would follow me, Mr. Feldman?"
"Depends. Are those things safe?"
The man smiled. "I see you've retained a
sense of humor."
"I'm guessing you already know who I am."
Haku raised his sword for the man to
see. "And what I'm capable of."
"Of course, Mr. Feldman. It was why we
freed you, after all."
"Who's we?"
The man gestured for Haku to step on the
rotorcraft. "We have much catching up to do, Mr. Feldman. But time is money,
and we are going bankrupt."
I don't trust him, Baphomet growled.
Well, me either, but
I'm not sticking around
to see who else wants to give us a ride.
Haku sat on one of the metal seats, and
stared at a soldier seated across from
him. He held what looked to Haku like a submachine gun, with an unusually
advanced targeting system. It was impossible to tell if the soldier was even
looking at Haku, due to the opaque black visor over his face.
"Who's this guy?" Haku hitched his thumb
at the soldier.
"He is nobody, Mr. Feldman. Isn't that
right, GRG?"
The soldier said nothing.
The panels closed, and the rotorcraft
lifted off the snow, and flew out of the
smoke and fire.
"That thing up there... is that
your...ship?" Haku felt his ears pop from the
sudden altitude change.
"Yes. You'll be aboard shortly; Worry not."
"That's what I'm worried about."
Haku looked down at the ice below, and at
the prison. It was an enormous
structure build into the side of a mountain, with perimeter fences surrounding
it like the rings of a tree trunk.
As he stared at the prison, he saw it
erupt in a ball of flame, the shockwave
rocking the rotorcraft back and forth. The flame shot upwards, and dimmed,
leaving behind a mushroom-shaped cloud of debris blowing away in the harsh
winds.
"Was that really necessary?" Haku asked plainly.
The man with the green eyes glanced at
him, his expression as somber as a gravestone. "The just will prevail, and the
corrupt will burn. Isn't that something you once said?"
I think you're
misattributing that quote to
someone else. Just or corrupt, you all burn the same way to me. Haku
watched as the flames turned to a tiny patch of light on the ground far below.
***
The ride had been mostly silent,
except for the few times when Haku asked for
details about the world in its current state.
Post-industrial. Global trade.
Travel by land, air, or sea.
A shrinking middle class.
Religious wars.
Genocide.
The same disease all
over again.
"And this Queen? Who is she?"
"She is Armaea Tillarand, an immortal like
you. How much do you remember before
being imprisoned?"
Is that
what Tania calls herself these days?
"I remember a lot of things... But
then there's holes, or things I can't
see by looking directly, if that makes sense. How long have I been out?"
The man straightened his tie, and sighed.
"There is some debate amongst
historians of the actual date, but the general amount of time agreed upon is
three hundred and fourty eight years."
"Three hundred and..." Haku stopped, whipping his head around as if trying to dislodge a facehugger from the Alien movies. As
far as he was concerned, three hundred
years was not an especially large amount of time. He had seen three hundred
years go by, and much more, without much change, many times before in the past.
But to be imprisoned under the earth with his own sword through his chest...
That was one year too many.
A flash of laughing blue eyes and
brilliant, silver
hair.
"What happened to Lynn Cho?"
The man looked at him with a quizzical
expression. "I'm sorry, who?"
Haku shook his head, and snapped fingers,
trying to reach at the name. "Aelia.
Aelia Marlotta."
"You speak of the God Empress Aelia? The
first ruler to unite Alnora?"
"Yeah, her. 'Course, I only knew her as
Lynn. We used to hook up sometimes,
before she decided she wanted to rule the world."
His escort smirked. "Yes... I... can see
how that becomes a problem."
Haku tensed up, and felt a searing
sensation in his nasal cavity. He looked as
if he were about to break into sobbing, then sneezed with a shout sounding
suspiciously like a four letter word for copulation.
"You sneeze like the rest of us, Mr.
Feldman."
Haku snuffed and wiped his nose on the
blood-stained prison shirt he wore.
"What kind of crap is that? Yeah, I sneeze."
The man in the over-check jacket looked
out the window, and suddenly it became
dark; A shadow fell over the rotorcraft, as it decelerated. Haku felt the
gravity go to his stomach as the rotorcraft climbed up.
It jerked to a sudden stop, then started
to rotate slowly, pain-stakingly.
After a moment, the rotorcraft stilled. GRG stood up and grasped a handle on
the door, the hiss of decompressed air following it's movement. A squad of men
armored in the exact same black visor and heavy duty combat vest greeted them,
and snapped to attention.
They stepped out into a docking bay that
was easily the size of the prison Haku
had just left; Enormous fighter planes, bombers, and mobile artillery suits
suspended by robotic cranes and holding beams.
Next to the helo was a fearsome work of cold, calculated murder; a mechsuit
armored in matte blue plate, complete with actual working arms and hands.
Haku glanced at the mech-suit, then at the
man who had brought him here. A
strange feeling, like a drop of ice water down the nape of his neck.
His escort dusted off his jacket. "If
you'll follow me, Mr. Feldman, we will
get you cleaned up and in good working order."
"Are you going to tell me your name?"
His escort paused, and turned, apparently
puzzled. "I... could have sworn I
did, Mr. Feldman. It's Nirath. Roland Nirath." He bowed curtly.
No. You never told me
that. I would have
remembered. He bit this back, and
nodded. "So... You got showers in
there?
Nirath smiled. "For you, Mr. Feldman? We
have something better in mind."
Evidently, what Nirath had in mind
involved serving girls. A lot of them. They
were all young, and quite attractive, which was exactly the kind of shit Haku
didn't need right now.
At least the shave had been somewhat
comforting, in the fact that the burly man
shaving off pounds of his filthy, matted hair didn't say a word. He had deftly
and
efficiently crafted Haku's new look, and cleaned his face. Haku hardly
recognized himself in the mirror, testing the different angles.
His now-cropped white hair glistened in
the lamp light over a strong set of pale, angular Asian features. His eyes were
wild, pupils dilated. So
this
is what I look like under the broom.
The serving girls now cooed and giggled as
they scrubbed his back and chest. When
when girl reached underwater for his groin with a cloth, he grabbed her arm,
shaking his head. "I'll do that part."
The entire affair seemed overly flashy,
too cut-and-dried. Obviously if
somebody digs up an immortal, they ought to offer him a bath first. But if the
cackling of hens did nothing to ease his current mindset. The guy who picked
him up ought to know better, with his clearly vast amount of wealth and
knowledge.
Haku felt his eyebrows twitch. Where had
be been picked up from?
He shrugged a girl off from his back.
"Leave me. All of you."
With a despair-laden silence the girls
departed, and Haku sighed, taking a
cigarette out from a pack on the stand near the tub. He lit it, and took a drag, letting the
warmth of the tub radiate throughout
his being as he pondered.
What ever did happen
to Lynn Cho?
His thoughts turned to Lynn Cho, her
wicked grin of reborn youth, and the way
it fell away into the darkness. At one point, he hadn't seen her face for a
thousand years. Nor could he see his own hands, or the end of his nose; Perfect
darkness, for a milennia. Who wouldn't go mad upon setting feet on another
world and
seeing the sun with eyes that had been blind for so long?
These bastards have no
idea what we went
through to get here.
Then... Something gnawed at the back of his mind, like a spider fastened onto his brain, prodding at different sections to garner different reactions.
FELDMAN! WE MUST LEAVE! FELDMAN-
Haku awoke, his lungs rasping and struggling
for air. The eyes. The goddamn green
eyes. The man was watching him, as Haku roared in wordless fury. The searing
light coming off of the man gave him an appearance of being on fire,
about as easy to focus on as if he were
the sun. Haku never took his eyes off of him.
He was bound again, and realized there was
blood in his eyes. A burning light
shone on him from above, as the man stood in the shadows without. His eyes
gleamed, and Haku saw himself in them. Haku's scalp was cut away, and a machine
hovered over it, a half dozen needles embedded in the soft flesh of his brain.
"The just will prevail, and the corrupt
will burn." The Lord Clad in Light said.
As Haku blacked out, he saw
the green eyes behind his eyelids, but only for an instant.
***
Haku awoke with a start, and grunted. He
threw off his sleeping bag and sat up,
rubbing the bridge of his nose. With a half-lidded gaze he saw dawn was
approaching, refracting glinting stars off the frosty trees.
A fire smoldered in the makeshift pit, and
empty cans of beans and sausages
littered the ground nearby. He rummaged through his bag; He found a couple
changes of clothes, a serrated knife, a pocketwatch, a compass, and a small
brown satchel.
In the satchel was a large wad of paper currency tied together with a piece of
tape.
Under the clothes, a gun was tucked away in a wrapped black cloth.
Satisfied, he placed it back in the bag.
With the bag slung over his shoulder, he
stepped out to a light snowfall, the ground itself a white powder. He
looked around at the entrance of the cave above him, and saw graffiti scratched
onto the rock with charcoal. It was a crown over the Terric characters for
"blade"... King of blades.
He looked to his right, and was relieved
to see that his grav-cycle was still where he had left it the previous night.
She looked somewhat like a Harley Davidson from the World War era, with a few
contemporary additions of its own- Where a back wheel should have been, there
were two liftoff and six forward thrusters built into the rear half, forgoing
traction for hot, nasty acceleration speed.
Instead of a singular front wheel, there
were two, ecased in heavy-plated green armor. They were mostly there to keep
the damn thing from flying headlong into a mountainside.
"Hey, sweetie. Hope you didn't catch a
cold."
You speak to your vehicle as it is a person... Amusing, Baphomet remarked.
Well, I talk to you, and you're a gun.
Point taken.
After placing the bag inside the box
trunk, he saddled the cycle and fit a helmet and mask over his face, then
turned the key in the ignition. The liftoff boosters kicked up a cloud of
powder and ice as Haku punched into first gear and took off down the forest
trail, soaring along the highway.
Storm clouds converged over the
Zurad'Urian
Mountains, enveloping half of the Eastern skyline in their soundless fury.
Another blizzard was coming, but Haku would long be out of the epicenter.
Lynn Cho waited somewhere over the
horizon... Whether or not she was still Lynn Cho, or someone else entirely, he
had no idea.
The accelerators kicked into full gear and
Haku became the wind.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Here for the last haul! I'm embarrassed for how long this has taken me. This chapter seems to be a bit of a challenge, but I'll take it on.
I've really come to look forward to your sudden setting changes, introducing brand new characters. It just illustrates the complexity of your plot, and I appreciate the style choice.
I like Haku. I like his sword/gun too. We're getting more of an idea of how this world came to be as the setting and history falls farther into place. I can't really complain about that.
This chapter is a little strange in that there are far more typos then normal. It could do with a quick proofread, but I'm sure you can handle all of that.
Other than the typos, there are two main things that bother me about this chapter. First, the battle scene where Haku is fight with the Emmay is a little dull. Action-wise, you're sterling. I can follow every movement that happens. It moves fast... almost a little too fast. This is Haku's first fight since he was freed. Since this gigantic sword seems to be his own, I as a reader can assume that he was a warrior. This is an important moment between reader and character. What he thinks and feels during this moment will set the stage for every other time we read about him. Thoughts and emotion are exactly what are missing from that fight though. Is he happy to be swinging his sword, exhilarated? Does he feel rusty, like he needs to work on his skill? This would offer great insight into Haku's character, and I think, in this instance it's an opportunity you passed up.
Second, I have no idea where the last part takes place. You get the feeling that it's a flashback, but that's not obvious, and if it's not how did he escape the Lord Clad in Light (who is boss, btw)? Maybe you meant to leave it mysterious, but I'm confused, and that's normally not a good place to leave your reader.
You've really fleshed out your plot these last few chapters. I'm very excited to see where this will go next!
I'll try to keep an eye out for your next chapter, but please bug me when you post it, so that I know it exists.
Hope to read your next chapter soon!
Megs~
Well I read the whole thing, but I will start by saying I only read this chapter. That said I really liked this story, I don't see why other people didn't read it and review by now, it's a really good story. I look forward to the possibility of another chapter. Because this story is really good, and I think it could get better and better every chapter. It definitely didn't seem like you planned to end it here. Personally I don't think it's too long, I think people on this site write things to short. A chapter novel is usually 15 to 40 pages a chapter depending on the size of the book. 99% of chapter/novel stuff on here would barely fill 4 pages, if that. This would probably fill 20 to 25. It's as long as a chapter based story should be.
Anyway it was awesome, perfect length, and I look forward to a possible chapter 11. Honestly I think it would probably suck if you didn't make it long. Unless you broke chapters like this down into 5 each removing nothing. You make the most of your points obviously.
Hello! TigersMoon here for a review.
First off, you're beginning was good. Full of action; keeps reader entertained.
Now, on to the nitpicks.
I don't think there's anything wrong with "biting," but "bite" would work better.
Get rid of "to Helm." It bogs the story down and makes it seem clumpy.
This part needs some clearing up. Did Helm say hello twice before the other voice said hello, or did the voice say hello first, then Helm responded? Revise this.
Did The Lord or Durl make that phone call? Or was one them in another conversation?
Get rid of this; it's useless information.
He either didn't or did hear the screams.
That is all I have time to get through. I hope it's enough to help.
Overall, this is great and I can see that you like this story (ten chapters!). Don't give up!
-TigersMoon