The Decoder - Chapter 2

by barefootrunner

Published November 21, 2011

In The Decoder

I landed with an impressive flash of neon light in the middle of an atrociously bland and horribly recognizable snowscape. Twelve wolves stood in identical startled positions around me – tails up, eyes wide, nostrils quivering.

“Whoa... easy doggies...” I began, before the shock of the cold hit me. I gasped and shivered in my shorts and T-shirt. Melting snow seeped through.

“You’re not going to eat me, right?” I asked dubiously. Nobody moved. Still they stood frozen. I fidgeted under their steely gaze.

One of the wolves snorted and shook its head, unfreezing the whole pack. The cold was getting to me, I knew, but my shocked mental facilities didn’t care. One wolf sniffed at me, but I barely noticed. I allowed the world to drift out of focus and immersed myself in that small part of my mind which was still convinced that this couldn’t be happening. Let them eat me, I thought. It’s not as though I’d feel it. The hazy wolf-silhouettes seemed to lengthen, blurring into fuzzy humanoid figures. A face leaned over me.

“She’s dying of cold,” it said. “We need to get her back to the cabin. She’s passed out already.” I felt myself lifted, carried, then, once more, I was lost.

------

It started with the sounds. Everything was still black, but my ears were almost functioning.

“I thought she wouldn’t pull through. She’s been out for three hours.”

“No, I could feel her heart beating. Must be a really strong heart in there.”

“Shhh. She’s coming to – what would you think if you woke up surrounded with people discussing your innards?”

“Her breathing is changing. Look, she’s moving. Go fetch some water, Victor.”

I attempted to groan, but my mouth was glued shut. Right about then, feeling returned. Every part of me was on fire. The icy burning feeling was pure agony. Smoke assailed my nose, along with a distinctly canine scent…

My next attempt at a groan was more successful. I rolled, whimpering softly as floor materialized under me, followed by faces, a fire and more pain.

“Don’t worry,” said a woman. “You are among friends.”

“Yes,” a girl pouted. “I wanted to eat you, but Mama said we shouldn’t.”

“Quiet, Fera,” a man growled. It was a real growl, not one of those namby-pamby ones found in the average male’s vocabulary. “We don’t intimidate visitors – it’s bad manners.”

“Where am I?” I rasped.

“This is the middle of nowhere, I am afraid,” answered the woman, with an accompanying snicker from Fera. “We don’t usually mix with… humans.”

“Humans?” I said, horrified as my suspicions deepened.

“Oh, Mother,” drawled a new, deep voice. “You know she’ll never sleep now. We’ll have to knock her out just to get her to lie down.”

Immediately I sprang up. “I’m not sleeping!”

A wave of dizziness and pain overtook me and I fell sideways. My limbs screamed for mercy as I slid down a wall – and fell into arms waiting to receive me.

“See,” said the voice, right at my ear. “You really should be more careful. Make a space so that I can put her down – easy now…”

“Werewolves,” I gasped as he put me down. “I’ve fallen into a pack of damn werewolves! That’s what you are, isn’t it?”

The woman wrinkled her nose. “We might as well ask what you are,” she said, “person dropping from the sky.”

“I’m a human. I come from a different place, I had this – this thing, it took me here…”

“Is this the object that you are referring to?” the father asked, holding out a small, white cube in his palm.

“Yes, that’s it!” I exclaimed, reaching out to grab it, but the man withdrew his hand with a small smile on his face. “Not yet,” he murmured.

“No! Give it back! It’s mine!”

Father,” the younger male reprimanded. “You are upsetting her! Leave her alone – I know how to deal with humans. Go away, everyone.”

The young man crouched over me and the family disappeared through a door. I struggled to sit up. It was the first time I could clearly see him and he was so… male! You could almost smell it. Testosterone swirled around him like expensive cologne; deep, musky… His steady brown eyes followed me. Muscles glided under gleaming skin as he moved. One huge hand enveloped my wrist and he pushed me back onto the floor gently, but firmly. I suddenly realized how vulnerable I was. Alone, weak, in the middle of nowhere in a house full of werewolves.

“Um – have you got some water?” I asked to break the tension.

He stepped back and wordlessly gave me a tin mug.

“Am I allowed to sit up to drink it?” I snapped, annoyed. This was going more and more like one of those rotten teen fictions with the black covers and those miserable-looking girls skulking on the foreground.

“You may,” he murmured, still watching me steadily. I was uncomfortably reminded of the wolf pack staring at me in the snow. I wrapped my fingers shakily around the mug and sipped the water. It tasted of tin.

“Er… Hi,” I started. His expression was like a vacuum, sucking information out of me. “My name is Esme. I come from England and I am fifteen years old.”

The werewolf nodded. “I am Victor. I come from here and I am nineteen years old. I am a werewolf, if you didn’t know.”

“I knew. It’s hard to miss. Yesterday… I think it was yesterday, I ran into a group of people and sort of stole that block from them. It has some kind of power…”

“Yes, my father has it.”

“Why won’t he give it back to me?”

Victor smirked. “Because it could be dangerous and he is not sure what to do with you yet. Quite frankly, we can either kill you, or keep you. Neither option seems quite appealing.”

“I think if you gave it back to me, I could get back home. Then I wouldn’t bother you anymore,” I said hopefully.

“Unfortunately not. There is a reason why we live in isolation. Werewolves are not a popular species. I am afraid that if we sent you back, you would return – with backup.”

He was getting too close to me again. “Humans have something called personal space,” I snarled. “I don’t know if the concept is familiar to you.”

Victor looked puzzled at my ferocity in the face of his charm, then stepped back. “I think you need more sleep. Drink up your water, we don’t want you to dehydrate,” he flashed his teeth suddenly. “It takes all the flavor out of the blood, you know…”

“You hypocrite!” I yelled at his retreating back. “Talk about upsetting me!”

The door closed behind him. I stopped breathing through my mouth and sniffed. His scent still lingered in the room, rich and alluring. It was like an enchantment, unwinding the knots in my burning shoulders, relaxing my stiffened muscles. It made me hope that I was in a sci-fi romance. Just for a second. I knew that Victor was using it to his advantage. But was he the bad guy, or the good guy? I was too tired to argue with myself. I shifted my aching body, curled up and fell asleep.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
StoneHeart
Review
StoneHeart wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2013

Hey barefoot, I had to get back to this story (partly because I owe you and partly because I'm enjoying it), so here I am, with another review day review!

First off, once again, good work. Your pacing hasn't changed and I skimmed right through this whole chapter without hardly noticing it at all! Good work there, it's usually pretty hard to entertain me. This time you have a couple new problems (some of the old one's are gone), but this time I feel like this was a good, successful chapter. It was fulfilling, enjoyable, and well written. Good job . . . really good job, you have my vote!

So . . . yeah, I do have to get to the problems part now. Well, from what I'm seeing, your problems are simple, once again. Yeah, your grammar could still be better, a bit more description in places wouldn't be amiss, but your style/pacing is better than before. Obviously the first chapter would have more pacing problems, but still, you did a nice job here. Again, I think you should do some work on this piece! Here goes with the review!

Before I go anywhere, I want to let you know that one of the things I didn't really like about this piece is the way that you kept comparing it to other books/ types of books, and some kind of unbelievable fantasy. You did a good job, don't worry, but your reactions were kinda messed up in a few places . . . like here.

“It takes all the flavor out of the blood, you know…”

“You hypocrite!” I yelled at his retreating back. “Talk about upsetting me!”


Uh, okay, so she just met the guy and now she's yelling at him and calling him a hypocrite. He's contemplating eating her. She's in his house for goodness sake. She should be more reserved, surprised, and off-guard. It'd make things seem better and her actions would be a whole, whole, whole lot more realistic than they are. But don't mind, you only do this a few times – it's not a huge problem.

Okay, for the rest! I could probably pass over your grammar entirely and it would make little difference, but if I get a chance I'll mention any problems I see . . . For now I'll go to your description problem. Mainly your problem with description is that you just don't have nearly enough of it! In amounts! Look at this piece!

“Oh, Mother,” drawled a new, deep voice. “You know she’ll never sleep now. We’ll have to knock her out just to get her to lie down.”

Immediately I sprang up. “I’m not sleeping!”

A wave of dizziness and pain overtook me and I fell sideways. My limbs screamed for mercy as I slid down a wall – and fell into arms waiting to receive me.

“See,” said the voice, right at my ear. “You really should be more careful. Make a space so that I can put her down – easy now…”

“Werewolves,” I gasped as he put me down. “I’ve fallen into a pack of damn werewolves! That’s what you are, isn’t it?”

The woman wrinkled her nose. “We might as well ask what you are,” she said, “person dropping from the sky.”

“I’m a human. I come from a different place, I had this – this thing, it took me here…”

“Is this the object that you are referring to?” the father asked, holding out a small, white cube in his palm.

“Yes, that’s it!” I exclaimed, reaching out to grab it, but the man withdrew his hand with a small smile on his face. “Not yet,” he murmured.

“No! Give it back! It’s mine!”


Come on! She's in a new world, with new creatures, new sights, new houses . . . isn't there anything new in this old house? There's got to be, and you've got to explain it. Fantasy worlds are really centered around their world . . . you need to work on them and you need to stress you work. Show it. But be careful to over-do it. At least put in what the characters and the house looks like in here. This would be a great time! ;D

Also, in here you don't seem to want to get one of those super cliché teen werewolf romance stories, but you're making this into one. The way Esme looks at 'him' . . . the way she acts around him. It's predictable. You have to build things up a bit . . . either build things up or jump it on us! Those two styles are rarely used and really make for better stories (even when over-used). I think anyway. Otherwise you did a pretty good job.

Again I must wind down here . . . time to stop this review or I'll get out of control and only finish another two reviews tonight! :D So, again! I must stress: Good work! I really enjoyed this chapter, it was even more intriguing than the last chapter, what without the description mistakes and cool style. ;) Remember, once again! Keep writing – I really think you should try to build this story back into shape! :D I really do!


~Black~

User avatar
Leahweird
Comment
Leahweird commented Comment · Nov 21, 2011

Victor made me laugh. "takes all the flavour out of the blood" *snicker* Werewoles FTW! I was just about to ask for more details about Esme, and then she gave them to the werewolves. I really have no new criticisms. Write on!



Everything has a consequence and every consequence leads to death.
— kattee