Drafted Home

They asked me if I want to go home today, but I'm too lost in my mind. In my mind now that's where I'm something; anywhere else I'm labeled as nothing. It's so much better here, where love is given out for free and where words such as political power simply do not exist. Lives that people act so shocked by their mass losses, but never have any real urge to care, pass as a sliver of time compared to the constant ceaseless amount of hurt dealt simply as a flex of a muscle to catch the eye of other lusting countries and companies. All of these unnoticed people hold an important purpose of existence here. With every need satisfied without struggling to want more.

Deep within my mind all the wasted lives are actually free to pursue happiness instead of looking at the words on a paper then back at the oppressions; holding them down, acting as fences along the path given before them, containing the individual to a life not pursuing happiness, but rather pursuing something just below content. gasping at the puffs of hope excreted just to keep them moving forward to whatever destination before being allowed to die. So pointless, hopeless except not here sacrificing others to move forward isn't even a thought, but rather replaced by admiring the exalted beauty of the world and the people within.

why would I go home? when this is a land where death can't stand crippled without the grasp it holds over the body, where my lover, family, and brothers live in unique harmony. Divorce, cheating, a household eaten away by flames stands strong alive built over a layer of foundation of unbreakable material, a substance that in the real world no longer holds meaning. Can you imagine it? Buildings built literally out of love. Not that there's a storm here that could threaten their strength anyways. Not a tear will fall to the always freshly cleaned floors. No more will children scream as their beautiful, perfect mother wages her own war with the battles of a single parent, while there are still two that love them. Daddy is gone; told that to protect his precious children and perfect wife, he is to give his life to the government’s armed forces. But he wasn’t told that time has a hunger that eats all emotions and feelings both good and bad, wherewhat we felt never seems to last. So a new daddy replaces him. They’re told to call him father by their mother and them, so young, know nothing but trust for the one that gives them everything; reducing me to just a man they once knew.

I love them all so very much, it’s the only reason I sit in this hole as death storms in with thunder clouds raining in the forms of bullets, bombs, and phone calls. The lightning strikes, telling the beautiful story of new found love with a man who has money, who treats her well, and loves the children. My children, my wife, all at the cost of my love. She says they're happy. I came here to do just that, and now it is done, but for what? In my head we're happy, we're together, and this man who my sons call father doesn't even exist. Memories of fights much more deadly to my soul than the war, filled with words I never meant, screamed across the world are never given breathe. We have our life in our house supported by walls of love that still stand, in the spot that's now smothered in tear soaked ashes with no Phoenix hidden underneath. It's always a perfect day waking up next to the extravagance I married and see my children hug and hold them, sending them off to their day. That is my perfection, and it is real in this world. I have to believe its real.

No no,I can't go home yet. The parties in this place are miraculous. They start in such joy with music that never lets two feet touch the floor at the same time, always moving in excited jubilance, celebrating simply being alive together in joy and peace. There is no need to drown the liver with toxins poisoning the mind to feel something, anything but the aching pain of a shredded heart. Here in this place we dance and sing without the need to enter a new mind set, because the one we’re in buzzes us nonstop, never letting a feeling of doubt enter the room. In those parties everyone is there with me: my wife, kids, mother, father, and even my brothers in arms. Oh how I miss them, my friends, the only thing left after true never ending love impossibly left. There in the bar that my body sits in, making me laugh, a laugh many people will never hear, singing chants and songs that made me proud to fight for a land of freedom. Long nights spent In this dim lit room, that I swear was much brighter then, Talking through life's problems and settling on answers to the most argued theology that the brightest men and women couldn't even answer. Those times have passed, gone, erupted in explosions and gunshots that ripped through metal and the flesh of my friends. Now this place is so dark, merciless as the taunting memories of laughter echo throughout the room shattering any chance of hope. I am not alone, some of us are left, but there is no life. Fear, anger, and depression are in the seats of my brothers, but the words they speak are death. So it takes more and more liquid poison to drown my liver and out the voices numbing this ache. I just want to dance; why can't we dance? In here we dance, laughter is sometimes the only voice I hear. I love this place, my home, my children, and my friends; everything that's gone.

I said I'm lost here, but maybe I don't want to be found. How foul this God crafted world has been to me. Such evil created by beings that he supposedly loves. What's worth loving in that rotting place? I am the God here, creating perfect people, perfect homes and landscapes. It's never boring, fun is more than a word, but a lifestyle. I can be whoever I want, create new things, logically unsound creatures, technology not even found in the science fiction genre, even spectacular new colors that bring down the walls holding physical possibility. Everyday is a new adventure that my perfect little family, along with my friends, set out to enjoy, accomplishing huge impossible tasks to make us proud to be together in love. Seeing ever changing enchanting sights just outside our door, making more and more friends to spend never ending days laughing at the night that will never come, drying the tears that will never fall, and killing death with forever life.

Yeah, they said I am going home today, released on an honorable discharge. Home, a building with weak wooden walls and an uncomfortable bed that holds no sentimental value. All of that left to go to another man's house who makes love to my wife and calls my children his own. He is me in a different form; now I am nothing, but a face of the past. What is there to go home to? What's left in that place I gave every ounce of my pained life for? I have nothing, not here anyway, but somewhere in my mind I have everything in perfection that's everlasting and impenetrable. No sir, I thought I was home, why would I leave? Everything I could ever need is here. This is where my family is. This is where I am happy. This is my heart. My peace. Why would you want to send me to war?