Okay I've had to submit this three times now because each time it doesn't work right. I've had to edit this chapter a billion times now as well and I still think it needs some helpful criticism. I would appreciate any suggestions as to how I should end this chapter because I'm not quite happy with the way I did it.
Read, Enjoy, and Critique!
-aspiringyoungwriter
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As we tumbled down through the tunnel I screamed until my throat hurt. I heard this loud buzzing in my ears that only got louder as we fell, and tried to block it out by putting my hands over my ears. It didn’t help at all, but I needed something to do with my hands. Because I knew if I took them away from my head that I’d start flailing around helplessly, and that would just make me even more scared.
I looked over at Angelique and saw how calm and controlled she looked, and, somehow, seeing how she handled the situation gave me the strength I needed to tame my wild emotions. When I had calmed down I was able to feel a familiar tingling up my spine. I thought back to when I’d felt it before, and I realized that this feeling must have some connection to magic.
It felt strange even thinking the word, and yet I knew it was true. Deep down in my bones I knew that I really was a witch. It was as if there’d been a hole inside me, and, with the knowledge of what I was, it had suddenly been filled. Now that I was past the initial shock of it, I began to wonder, Can I cast... spells? Can I even use magic? Then I remembered when I had hovered over the ground and knew I definitely could use magic.
I’d been so absorbed in my thoughts that I hadn’t noticed the tiny spot of light, not the burning white light of the tunnel, but real daylight, growing bigger, and bigger. I tugged on Angelique’s sleeve, and pointed to it. She looked at it in a sort of detached way before grabbing my arm and diving down towards it, bringing me along for the ride.
The sensation of falling, weightless, down the tunnel was absolutely terrifying. I struggled wildly in Angelique’s tight grip. Fighting to get loose, to save myself from the certain death I knew was coming, but just as I was about to pull free I felt a cool wave sweep through my body and I stopped moving.
No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t move a muscle. I tried to open my mouth, but that didn’t work either. Then I realized that Angelique must’ve done this to me, and if by some chance I was wrong, then we were in big trouble.
When I knew we were about to go through the hole I felt all my muscles relax and I stopped struggling to move, and the tingling sensation down my spine that signaled the use of magic. There was final flash of light, and I was suddenly sitting on the grass with the warmth of the sun seeping into my core. It felt so good to be out of the tunnel that all I wanted to do was lay back on the ground and watch the sun set, but I knew that was far from what I’d be doing.
Angelique pulled me to my feet, and I staggered a bit. Gravity was a sudden shock in comparison to the tunnel, but I soon regained my balance. I looked at Angelique, and she grabbed my wrist and started walking towards a row of houses I hadn’t noticed before.
I yanked my wrist out of her grasp, “Tell me where we’re going, or I’m not coming.”
Angelique put her hands on her hips and said in an impatient voice, “We’re going to my house. It’s right on corner.” She pointed to a small gray house at the end of the block.
“Fine,” I locked gazes with her. “But I still don’t trust you.”
Angelique started walking again and over her shoulder she said to me, “That doesn’t matter right now. Let’s go.”
I glanced around quickly; I was paranoid after everything that had happened, which was perfectly acceptable considering what went on today, but it was hard to believe anyone could’ve followed us through the tunnel. I ran to catch up with Angelique, and matched my pace with hers, which was pretty hard since she had longer legs than me and she was walking really fast.
When we got to her house Angelique produced her house keys out of thin air and I shuddered. It still creeped me out to see her use magic, but I forced myself to get past the fact that it should be impossible. She opened the door and ushered my inside. Angelique closed the door and flicked on the light; her house was bland to put it nicely. The entry way opened right into the living room so I could see the whole room.
The walls were devoid of pictures, there wasn’t a TV, and all her furniture reminded me of my grandmother’s house. I turned around to ask Angelique why her home didn’t look as if anyone actually lived in it, but she wasn’t there. Then I heard a footstep to my right and my head instantly whipped around to face the person.
It was Anelique, but she was doing something strange. She was muttering words I recognized as magic with her forehead pressed up against the door. I moved closer and saw her tracing her finger lightly over the doorknob, etching unfamiliar runes into it.
I walked over to her and stared in awe at what she was doing. I found myself strangely fascinated by what was happening, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from it. She said one last word of magic and I heard a sharp click.
Angelique turned the knob, opened the door and motioned for me to go first. I hesitated; beyond the door I couldn’t see anything, and I didn’t have a flashlight with me.
“Just go already.” Angelique said impatiently, and when I didn’t move she shoved past me and was swallowed by the blackness.
I tentatively stepped through the doorway, and when I was all the way through I heard the door slam shut behind me. I whirled around to grab the knob and get out, but then I felt a hand on my arm. It was Angelique’s hand I knew because I heard her tell me to calm down.
I didn’t know why, but I found her hand on my arm comforting, and I started to relax a little. There was one thing keeping me from relaxing though, and that was the fact that I couldn’t see anything. Nothing at all.
“Angelique,” I whispered, “I can’t see.”
“Oh,” She sounded confused, as if she could see in the dark and expected me to do the same. “Sorry. I guess I’m just used to coming down here alone and forgot to spell you.”
I pulled away from her, “Spell me? What does that mean?” She moved to touch my arm again and I took a step backwards. “Don’t touch me. Tell me what you’re going to do.”
“I was just going to use magic to let you see.” She explained, “I spelled this room so it would be impossible to see into unless you used magic. I didn’t want people getting suspicious because of what they might see.”I glanced at her warily, “And what might they see?” I didn’t want to go in there and figure out that it was just a trap. At this moment, I didn’t like surprises very much.
“Lots of things.” She bent down to whisper conspiratorially in my ear, “Magic things.”
Immediately I understood what she meant. People freak out when they see things they don’t understand. They might run out of the house suddenly and rave about an insane neighbor that kidnaps peoples’ pets and uses them in potions and brews. The thought made me queasy, but I knew that something like that could happen, and I knew that since I wasn’t running that I had accepted this strange world of witches and magic, and that I was a part of it.
I couldn’t just walk into what could be a trap, and I didn’t trust Angelique enough to think she’d never do something like lay a trap for a fifteen year old girl. I needed to make sure she wasn’t lying to me.
“How can I be sure you’re not leading me to my death?” I asked just as I regained my sight. I glanced around quickly and noticed that we were in some kind of hallway. It was damp and dark and more than a little creepy.
Angelique’s eyes hardened, I guess she didn’t like not being trusted, and she spoke carefully, as if trying to keep her temper under control. “There’s no reason to expect that. You can trust me. After all, I did just give you your sight back.”
“I need to make sure I can trust you.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Prove you’re not lying to me.” I said, “You go first.”
Angelique sighed dramatically, “Fine. I wish I’d known you’d be this stubborn before I swore to be your Guardian.” She took a step down the hall, but I grabbed her arm.
“Wait!” I locked gazes with her. Her eyes betrayed her confusion, but it was soon gone, replaced by the realization that she’d let something slip. I suppose that wasn’t normal for her.
“What do you mean my ‘guardian’?” I asked.
She pried my hand off her bicep, and said, “Heather, just forget it. I don’t have time to explain everything to you right now.”
The anger that had been building inside of me finally made it’s way to the surface and that’s when I started yelling.
“How am I supposed to trust you when you won’t tell me anything! If you keep secrets from me I’m never going to trust you! Don’t you get that?”
Angelique, shocked into silence at my outburst, just looked at me. Eventually she regained her confidence and said to me, “Wait here. I’ll be right back. I have something to show you and when I do I hope you’ll be a bit less stubborn with me.”
“Fine,” I said, putting my hands on my hips, “I’ll be right here.”
Angelique walked down the hallway and around a corner and I couldn’t see her anymore. I turned to the door and twisted the knob, it turned easily and I left the creepy hall. Just as I stepped into the first hall we’d come down the door slammed shut behind me and I jumped. It was plainly obvious that my nerves had taken quite a beating lately. I stared at the door for a few moments, willing Angelique to hurry up, and when she didn’t come out I took a look at my surroundings.
When we had first come into the house I hadn’t noticed much. Too much had happened too fast for anything to sink in. As I looked I noticed a framed picture on a small table to my left, curious I walked over and picked it up.
The picture was of a happy and smiling family of four. There were two adults in back, a man and a woman, I assumed they were the parents, and two children in front. The woman was dressed in a black dress that complimented everything about her and had the regal features of a Scandinavian princess. She had the lightest blonde hair I’d ever seen, and stunning green eyes that rivaled the shine of the brightest emeralds. She was beautiful, and had wonderful taste in men, judging by the looks of her husband.
The man had had blonde hair too, but his was a darker shade, and bright blue eyes that spoke of a hidden intelligence that you wouldn’t think he’d have by just looking at him. He was dressed in a black suit that made him look every bit as amazing as his wife, but together they were perfect.
The two children, brother and sister I guessed, were smiling, their arms around each other, and looked like they were twins. The boy almost perfectly resembled his father except for his hair. His hair was somewhere between both his parents’ shades. But the girl was the one who really captured my attention.
She looked like a carbon copy of her mother with just a trace of her father. She had her mother’s hair, her chin, her cheekbones, and even her nose, but there was one thing that was different. Her eyes. She had her father’s piercing blue eyes.
All of a sudden I knew who the girl was, and I could’ve kicked myself for not recognizing her right away. After all, it was a family photo in Angelique’s house. The girl had to be Angelique, but where was the rest of her family?
I set the photo down where it was before, and took a look at the flowers. It was a beautiful arrangement of exotic-looking flowers that were placed right in front of the picture, like when you put flowers at the head of a tombstone.
That’s when I knew that Angelique’s family was either dead or she was dead to them. I immediately felt bad for her. It was obvious that she hadn’t seen or heard from her family in a long time. Had there been an accident? I wondered, Or maybe they’d had a fight and she hadn’t had contact with them since. Poor Angelique.
A door hinge creaked and I turned around. Angelique was just coming out of that room she’d gone into a few minutes ago. She was carrying a large and dusty book with her. She approached me and walked right past me just as I thought that she would stop.
“Hey!” I called after her, “Where are you going?” I didn’t move to follow her, but I wanted to. I wanted to know what secrets that old book held.
“Follow me, Heather,” She ordered, and then added, “I’m going to show you exactly who you are and why you’re here.”
I was suddenly very interested in what she had to say, but I tried not to show it. “But I know who I am. I’m Heather Rayne. My mom is Julie Rayne and my dad is Spencer Rayne. I have a dog named Charlie and an older brother named Cam. I know who I am.”
Angelique looked back at me with pity in her eyes and, under her breath, muttered, “No, you don’t.”
And then louder, “Come on, Heather, don’t get all righteous on me now.” She went into the living room and sat on the flowered pastel couch. She put the book on her lap and patted the spot next to her. “I don’t bite,” She assured me I walked over and sat on the couch. I crossed my arms over my chest, “Okay, who am I?”
“I’m just going to get right to the point and then I’ll explain.” She told me, “Okay?” She sounded kind of nervous and that made me nervous.
“Go ahead.” I answered, “I’m waiting.”
“Heather, you’re the Heir of the goddess Hecate, and you’re destined to save all of her children.” Angelique said seriously.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Firstly - I love your avatar picture! It's to cute!
Secondly- This story..........IS TO AWESOME! I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Grammar is a bummer with me too (Just so you know, you are not alone.) And also the one mess up is that your italics didn't work in one part, otherwise, I see no problems!
I loved it, great Job!
^._.^ RAWR