Midnight Blue; Preface

lakegirls:

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed this so much!

The only thing I cane say is wow! I love it and I can defiantly see it in chapters some day.

Love,
N

AllyyyAlwayyys:

Thanks!

Yeah, this is a brand new story for me so just be warned that it is more than a little rough.

Well, I'm glad you liked this!

very intriguing
At first it was the title that captured me,
but as I began to read
I discovered that it was not only the title that I loved
but the whole prologue.
Right now though,
I am off to read the next part
(oh and I almost forgot,
I loved how there was barely any grammar errors and spelling errors)
XD

Night Mistress:

Thanks! Hope you like the others!

pshhxhoney:

Ah, thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

jasmine12:

Yeah, you helped! hehe

Thanks so much, jazz!

William
*Melts* love that name!!!
~~~~~~~

I have no idea what to expect from these creatures around me.

It always bugged her when people littered.

I can’t leave this girl alone in fear that something bad will happen to her...

Veronica

That’s when I heard the rustle. Freezing, I hesitantly looked up.

Okay, right of the bat I love this! You're a really good writer and I am off to read chapter one RIGHT NOW! Haha, I really like this!

interesting. i will have to check out the others now.

endless_secrets:

Thanks so much, endless, for taking the time to read this!

Of course I will keep PMing you. About this (and about Poisoned Roses hehe)

Thanks again!

That was very interesting and i think it is fine at the length that it is, prefaces and prologues shouldn't be too long. But anyways, I found little to no mistakes gramatically or in spelling. I really enjoyed your use of sensatory descriptions here and your comparisons or similies or whatever they are called. I also liked how you took the same seen from both perpectives. You are talented in romances i see. Sorry that wasn't much help... but i found nothing wrong with it! Keep going and keep PMing me!

-Your loyal reader

KJ:

Helpful, as usual!

I am off to edit as we speak!

Thanks so much, kels!

[

i]William[/i]

How could she not think that I wouldn’t follow her? [This doesn't exactly make sense, since when we're in her point of view, she doesn't even seem to be aware of his existence] All those creeps out there now…[Should be space here]I have no idea what to expect from these creatures around me. [Start new paragraph here] Leaping agilely from treetop to treetop, I peeked through the foliage down below. I had to stop and admire her then as she paused to pick up spare trash that was inches from the garbage can [While I don't object to him admiring her, I have to object at the location She's next to a pile of garbage? Nice visual Ash, lol. Oh, she's so hot. And I love that rotting banana peel behind her...]. It always bugged her when people littered. [New paragraph here] Smiling at this thought, I zeroed in on her frame. She was so perfect in every way. Her eyes like golden sunrises, her figure that of a dancer’s—lithe and graceful, her skin immaculate, her smile that brightens [You reverted to present tense here] my day. I sounded like such a lovesick kid, a lost puppy dog [Don't like that comparison. Do lost puppy dogs shower love on women?], but I couldn’t help it. I had heard all those stories about love, all of them so ridiculous and too obscene for me to take seriously. But now that it is happening to me, that [Cut this 'that']I can’t leave this girl alone in fear that something bad will happen to her, [Why don't you just do a complete stop here?] I just didn’t know what to think anymore….

Veronica

Litter bugs! [If she finds it so offensive, I think a more heated insult is in order] I dumped the trash in my hand into the nearest can. Brushing my hands off on my jeans, I continued on down the road, clutching my bag closer to my chest. [Wait, where was the bag when she was brushing her hands off on her jeans?] Thin silk shawls, ghostly in appearance [Comma] concealed the moon. The night was light, the sky midnight-blue in color. Few stars dotted the sky, making it look like an endless sea of ink splattered above me. I sought out the North Star and found it winking coyly at me through the trees.

That’s when I heard the rustle. Freezing, I hesitantly [Why is she hesitant? If I hear a sound I jerk my head in the direction I think I heard it] looked up. Nothing. Goosebumps now forming on my arms [Slipped back into present again], I moved on. A prickling sensation started [I like 'began' better] in the middle of my spine and slowly moved up until I felt sharp pokes at the base of my neck. A rustle again, somewhere above my head.

Spinning, I went to face my attacker [Awkward. Can't explain why, but maybe it's the use of 'went'. USe a word more dramatic, more impacting and tense!] face split into a look of pure fury. But there was no one. Feeling slightly idiotic, I pushed forward [Pushed? How do you 'push' forward? Is she on a scooter?].

But I just couldn’t shake the feeling as though someone was watching me…

Anijumper:

Thanks, Anji. I'm glad you liked this.

And thanks for pointing out those two things. I'll edited it

Angel of Death:

Gosh, Angel, you are too sweet!

No problem about The Jane Effect. Just let me know when you post more!

Thanks again, Angel!

lucyy:

Of course I will PM you when I post more of this and of Poisoned Roses.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this, luc!

I spied you had posted a new piece, which I just had to check it out *wink* but don't you go neglecting Poisoned Roses though ... d:
Anyways, onto a review ...
I thought this was really good & caught my interest (I immediately can't wait for more - you're good at that ) & I thought that this was just the right length, I don't think any more detail needed to be added and ... can't wait for more posts.
& please PM me when you post the next piece to this (& Poisoned Roses of course!) :D
Lucyy xx

Wow another great story Ash. I can tell because there was a good last sentence, and though I hate cliffhangers I'll be sure to stay tuned in for more. Please continue this and don't give up on anything else. This was flawless and please be sure to PM when you post the next part. Oh and thanks again for critiquing The Jane Effect you're so awesome! I've already started editing and...I don't want to get off topic but this was suspenseful and amazing. Thumbs up!
Keep Writing,
~Angel

I think this is good as it is, seeing as it is only a preface. It's best to leave the preface short anyway, without being too vague. I think you've accomplished this nicely.

Just a couple things I noticed:

But now that it is happening to me, that I can’t leave this girl alone in fear that something bad will happen to her, I just didn’t know what to think anymore….

How could she not think that I wouldn’t follow her?