alone

I really enjoyed this poem. It's true that only people who have experienced that truly know the pain of being alone. You really brought that to light in your poem. Your words really helped to create the images that went in the story, and it made the story so much better.

It pretty much seems that everyone else caught the mistakes or errors, so I don't really see what I could do to help besides encourage you to keep writing more pieces like this!

Well that's about it. Lol.

Keep Writing!!

Sincerely Yours,
Jalmoc

Hello,

This reads to me like something that should be inspiring and profound and deep, but isn't. First, the format is irritating.

It’s a cage
Or window
That’s been shut
For eternity
Hiding its captives
From the beauty
From life

reads to me like

Dun dun dun
dun dun
dun dun dun
dun dun
dun dun dun
dun dun dun
dun dun

It has far to few syllables and considering how short the lines are, I'd at least expect the words to be interesting, but they're rather bland and boring. Words like 'eternity' and 'captives' and 'beauty' are nice, yes, but so over used in all emo-esque poetry that they don't mean much anymore. Explain what the pain of being alone is, explain what the beauty of life is. I understand that you wrote that 'It holds despair in one hand and agony in the other' but what does that even mean? So what if it's holding despair and agony? What is it doing with despair and agony? What is the despair and agony making you feel and do?

The last two stanzas were repetitive and basically, useless, I don't learn anything from this poem. I'm not digesting it as anything but another attempt of dramatic turned happy coffee house poetry, which is not good. It's like reading last weeks newspaper. I'm not learning anything new, I see many familiar things and it's a waste of my time, when I could read today's newspaper, something exciting and new and interesting.

What I do a lot with my poetry is re-read it and if I see any words I view as boring, I go to a thesaurus and find a fresh new one to use.

Overall, the vocabulary was cliche and boring, the way you expressed your message was cliche and boring and to be honest, the message itself was pretty cliche and boring. I don't mean to be harsh, even though I know I am, but this really didn't live up to the expectations of an interesting poem. This didn't seem very creative to me. It seemed like a collage of recycled lines from different poems or stories or quotes and it wasn't put together very well.

Maybe it was me, but I didn't connect with this at all. I felt no emotion from this. I know what loneliness feels like and I don't feel your vocabulary properly described it.

Favorite Line: It holds despair in one hand, and agony in the other.

Grade: D+

If you have any questions or comments or even complaints, do not hesitate to message me.

~jas

I like it a lot very well put.

I really enjoy this poem.
The language was very strong and well used, and I found the metaphors incredibly written.
The only negative would be several small grammatical mistakes, mostly writing "it's" instead of "it".
Overall, I think this poem is brilliant and really captures the emotion of being Alone.

Hello.
I really liked this poem. I know what it feels like to be alone, and you described it almost perfectly.
Just a few things I noticed :

"...in the other
Its wears joy
But keeps it just..." The "it's wears joy" doesn't make sense. It should be "It wears joy"

"This light is unconditional
Its gives freely
To all who seek it" Same with this one. It doesn't make sense. It should be "It gives freely"

"But that is the key
Its is not given
It must be found" The middle line should be either "It's not given" or "It is not given"

That's all I noticed. Other than that, you shouldn't change a thing. It is a beautiful poem and I am glad you wrote it. I could feel the emotion in it and could connect to it because I know what loneliness is.

I love poems that give emotional and personal appeal. They're very pleasant to read.

There are a few mistakes, I think.

But there is a light
At the end of every tunnel
For even loneliness
Cannot hide
Forever

You must choose it
Choose to let it
Light up your life
And fill your soul
With love

sorry for the typo, and thanks so much for the reviews.

I think I'll have a little fun writing this review. Let's try an offical review for the back of a book. *clears throat*

"Young poet Artemis has brought an age-old concept into a refreshing and poetic light. She displays a mastery of language seldom seen in the writing of those her age and it is truly remarkable. Alone is a well-written and truly enjoyable piece."

Lol, well that was fun and totaly true!

Happy writing!

Veritas

This was very beautiful! I only have one thing to say though. At this line:

'You must chose it
Chose to let it'

it should have been:

you must CHOOSE it
CHOOSE to let it

that's all I have to say! Other than that, BRAVO!