Roses may be red
And violets may be blue
But peaches must be pink
To keep things in sync.
For there are mountains filled with fountains
And bird that fly high in the sky.
There are odes of blackberries, strawberries
Raspberries, blueberries and elderberries
There are even nectarines and tangerines
And clementine’s given to valentines;
But their cousin’s virtues remain unsung
On its phonetics they are hung.
It wonders how it feels to burn with desire
And wouldn’t fanning the flames cause a wildfire?
It cannot bemoan its sorrowful soul
Followed so cleverly by an areole.
And though less unfortunate that with baited breath
It will never taste the kiss of death,
Still it longs for whispering sweet love
As magnificent as the stars above
Ignorance may be bliss
But to never bask in true love’s kiss?
Never tossed to and fro by a raging sea
And crying out to the waves, "Oh Agony!"
Speak not of it thumping on the floor
Lest we lose the chance to say nevermore,
And unlike the far less interesting there
It can never be pared with Gossomere.
It has no friend among daze, maze, blaze, or days,
Never will it raise, raze or feel the sun’s rays.
Aghast it watches as wood
Is so carelessly paired with blood.
But it will not go quietly into the night
It will end its bitter plight,
For though the world be dark and cold
All that glitters isn’t orange.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Loved it, and I found the title to be very fitting.
This was ridiculously beautiful and beautifully ridiculous! And, as has been mentioned below, your wordplay and rhythms can't are infallible.
I have but one suggestion, and this Iis minor at best. You may wish to change your punctuation a little bit. There are points, often at the end on lines, where I think you might be missing a comma. One such point is the first line of the fourth verse. Also, the last line of the second verse is missing a full stop.
The last line I find particularly perfect, simply because of the thud of a line that doesn't rhyme when you were expecting it to, and not only that, isn't rhymable
Yours in reviewing,
Take That You Fiend!
Wow. This is why I love poetry. The word play and flow can't be beat.
Now not to be nit picy but the first line 'rose may be red'. That line disruprts the flow. either change rose to roses or a rose may be red. Just that line reads funny.
I love your word chosies and diction. Over all you did a great job!!
I agree with jojoann1 I found adding periods to my work it makes sertince lines more dramatic, but in reality its a stylised desition. (sorry for spelling I can't spell and have no spell check)
I love the stansa starting with ignorance my be bliss... It's an intresting thought through and through. Just well done keep up the great work!!
FancyDragon
First off, nice poem!! I like how each stanza has a different subject, it definetely keeps me reading. I also do have a few nitpicks on this poem, though.
Have a great day!
I think that maybe you should add some commas and periods at the end of a few of your lines.
And crying out to the waves: Oh, Agony!
I suggest that maybe you could add quotation mark at the "Oh, Agony" part, instead of the colon, but it's your decision.
Other than those little nitpicks, I found it pretty good! I can't wait to read more of your poems.
**Jojoann1**