Over the gilded fields he strides,
one gnarled hand on the shepherd's crook he fashioned
from an elder tree. His footfalls
scatter livestock and villages are cooled
by his shadow, hidden from the Beltane sun.
The cataracts he fords caress his ankles and
ancient keeps crumble at his approach. Falcons
are his crown and herds of white stags his train.
Doubtlessly he has passed through memory
down the annals of smaller forefathers than he,
who squatted under cover of new fires
to recite the Old Songs of the Giants.
Now the title is his alone,
Last Colossus of the Ancient Lands.
As he crosses the roaring Vaunë with a step
and vaults the high peaks of Sorn,
Mighty Tenkurion pauses for a titan's moment
to listen to the earth.
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140,745 Literary Works • 673,686 Reviews
Hello,raindrop here for a short review (maybe will not be short but better this way)!
So I am going to start with the things I like and end up with the things I do not like.
So to start with the positive jazz:
1.I like the tittle.Simply only one word but still mysterious and unknown which I could say..caught my eye(an eye which is not very easily caught).
2.The start by itsself is good.
3.The smoothness of this work and the rhyme which did not feel forced.
So as you see I am mostly positive about this work but I will go through it and check for the grammar so the negative part here:
(I will write it with my corrections made)
(I have corrected the grammar and punctuation here so everything else is by your choice)
Over the gilded fields he strides,
one gnarled hand on the shepherd's crook he fashioned
from an elder tree.
His footfalls
scatter livestock and villages are cooled by his shadow,
hidden from the Beltane sun.
The cataracts he fords caress his ankles and
ancient keeps crumble at his approach.
Falcons are his crown and herds of white stags his train.
Doubtlessly, he has passed through memory
down the annals of smaller forefathers than him,
who squatted under cover of new fires
to recite the Old Songs of the Giants.
Now the title is his alone,
Last Colossus of the Ancient Lands.
As he crosses the roaring Vaunë with a step
and vaults the high peaks of Sorn,
Mighty Tenkurion pauses for a titan's moment
to listen to the earth.
So overall not many corrections..good job!
Hey!
You don't have to capitalize the word letter of every line, for example:
I really liked this poem. The rhyming was perfect. It didn't feel forced at all and the flow of the poem was awesome! I think once you add punctuation it will help the poem flow even better!
"From an elder tree. His footfalls
Scatter livestock and villages are cooled"
With proper punctuation:
"From an elder tree. His footfalls
scatter livestock and villages are cooled."
Anyway I really enjoyed this work,
Alice ♥
thank you so much for the review!!! i followed your advice and now i think it flows much better
Greetings,
This poem was phenomenal. The spacing, rhythm, vocabulary variety were all well done. This was a visual, auditory, and tactile experience into a moment of time for this creature. It was immersive and drew me in.
The writing proved difficult to find faults or something I disliked. I was only mildly bothered by the various names I did not recognize so I could not appreciate their magnificence. They sounded grand. I'm sure with more analysis I could delve deeper into this poems inner world, writing within the writing, but the surface leaves the reader satisfied. That could be an issue if you wished to write a multilayered piece.
The amount of visualization in this piece drug me into the poem. It sedated me in scenes of grand and wise beauty. Although the giant wasn't described as to what speed he traveled, I saw the massive slow step the giant took. Creatures below him spreading to allow him the space. I saw the creatures fiddling beneath his massive feet, possibly even using him in a sort of animal symbiosis. This made me feel bigger than I. It made me feel awed and humbled at the same time. A creature as large as this, the last, takes a moment just to enjoy it. It was a trip.
As the reader, I was satisfied and came out of it with a wonderful sense of elation. For the author I say bravo, the work you put into this was seen and is appreciated. Your creations are decorative, furnish the notepad with them.