I think I’m in love again
I know how hard I’m falling
Down, or up, or into and through an eye
A door, the back one that leads
Right into the garden
Streaming sunlight, scintillating
Turning dewdrops into prisms
[from on high comes the beam the radiance the absolute brilliance i find myself fascinated with]
And the crunch of gravel underfoot
Like every sound
I’ve ever adored
I adore their laugh more
And the notion that someday,
Somehow,
I’ll live a life different from my childhood
And there won’t be piles and piles
Of roughage and useless miscellany
Lying about
Wasting away
Unused, using only
Space,
Space to create, space
To love you in
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,890 Reviews
Just want to say that this is absolutely beautiful. Your word choice is excellent and I especially love the last couple of lines. I also enjoy the bracketed line because it stands out and with free verse there really are no rules about that sort of thing! Great work !!
GOT THE CLUB GOIN UP...
ON A TUESDAY!
Hey there! Gravity here for a review!
So I really love this poem. It was very... whimsical? Not really sure what else to describe it as. It was really really beautiful. As someone who is already in love, this definitely resounded in my heart
I love the rhythm and flow, I also really love your word choice. The thing that many poets do is they use basic words to try and describe emotions that simply aren't basic and can't be described as such. So I wanted to take a moment to really applaud your descriptions and your word choice.
The first thing I have to critique is the bracketed bit. I didn't like that because I felt it disrupted the flow. It's very important to know when to use punctuation to help your flow and add dramatic effect.
The last thing I would like to critique is your structure. This is purely a stylistic choice. This is a free verse poem, which I understand and respect. However, I really think this poem would actually benefit if it were organized into stanzas and if you used punctuation to bring about that dramatic effect I was talking about. In this poem, everything is double spaced. If you would like to drop down only one space instead of two, hold down shift, while you hold down shift tap the Enter key. Also, if you added a period on a line and made it standalone, that really adds dramatic effect. for example (I'm going to re punctuate one of my favorite songs so you can see.)
And the heart is hard to translate
It has a language of it's own
It talks in tongues and quiet sighs
And prayers and proclamations in the grand days
Of great men and the smallest of gestures
In short shallow gasps.
But with all my education
I can't seem to commend it
And the words are all escaping me
And coming back all damaged
And I would put them back in poetry
If I only knew how, I can't seem to understand it
See how "In short shallow gasps" makes you stop and pause? It really adds that emphasis.
Anyhow, I hope this review helped. your poem really was very good and I absolutely loved all of your descriptions.
XOXO,
Gravity
thank you!! this really helped ive always been wary of how my free verse should be organized and ill definitely work on tone and rhythm with my stanzas
I really liked the end bit. From "And the notion...." to the end. I didn't quite understand the middle part from the third line. I get the falling in love and how it's like being in the sun and everything. But sometimes I'm just not great with poetry.
You forgot to capatilize an "I" and then I was wondering why you put that line in brackets? I'm just curious. Poetry is not my strong suit so I feel this is all the tips I have and I apologize. Good poem though. It has great imagery