i ran out of
paper towels and there’s still
water on the floor.
there’s so much water on the floor,
and i can’t leave
a spill unsupervised, employee rule number five
(nine? it’s in the top ten.) everyone else does,
i can’t. i can’t abandon the sixth great lake,
with a straw-kebabed lid so lovingly adorned on top.
they’ll find my sticky skeleton with that empty towel tube,
decomposing side by side.
and i’m losing my composure, on the verge of
nevermind. i break into a laughter that
i cannot clean up.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
Hi hello! I really adore this poem. I love how the sentences read ; I feel as though it helps to capture the emotion of the breakdown that is occurring. I did have to search up the word "kebabed". I think adding another set of parenthesis explaining what it is could be helpful for the readers. For the last couple of lines, I think adding a dash between "of" and "nevermind" could help dramatize the rambling thoughts. I really enjoyed this poem; thank you for your words.
Thank you for your review, I really appreciate it!
Just on first glance, I would recommend using capitalization. The line breaks also feel a bit awkward at times; for instance I'd put "(nine? it's in the top ten.)" on its own line, and either combine "everone else does" and "i can't" or have the latter, once again, be on its own. I had to google what "kebabed" meant, so perhaps next time use a word in the dictionary.
This employee, though, is obviously past the verge of breakdown, and definitely needs a cleaning. Perhaps he should take some time off? He sounds as if he needs a promotion as well, seeing how he's the only responsible employee where ever he works. I like it.
Thank you for your review! I like how you suggested the employee take some time off, seeing as this poem is partly based on a true story. (I was the only cashier scheduled and ran out of paper towels after someone dropped their soda and just left the mess there for me to clean up. Honestly, I would pay to see the CCTV footage of me losing my mind after I realized I was trapped.)
As for your notes, I definitely agree about the line breaks- thank you for your suggestions to make them less awkward! The word "kebabed" was a reference to the food "shish kebab," but I can see how that could be confusing with less context.