Hi anne! Hope it's okay that I shortened your username!
I really love the idea you have with this poem, and I think if you continue working on it you can make it longer and lovelier! It is very sweet. I really enjoy the first stanza. I think that some of your wording can be switched around to make the words flow better off the tongue, while still keeping to the template you created, because the last two stanzas do not seem to flow as well as the rest. It is not bad at all, but it can be made better! Also I think the title was a bit misleading, it's a good idea but maybe for a separate poem? Regardless I enjoyed the read and you are very talented, good job and keep writing!
Points: 173
Reviews: 25
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