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A Long Pretentious Title About Skin and Bone (there's something wrong with me)

by anneonomus

I’ve never broken a bone

(but I want to)

just one

I think it might be fun

just a little snap

(crackle pop)

I won’t even need it cast

I don’t care if it sets

(though plaster might be nice)

(I do still like the colors)

just a little pain

just a little pressure

just a little bit too much and something’s gotta give

(an arm, a leg, a rib?)

I’ve never broken a bone

I don’t know if I can

Is this a review?



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106 Reviews

Points: 1403
Reviews: 106

Wed Aug 26, 2020 7:05 pm
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momonster wrote a review...

hey, MomoandAppa, here to review!

i couldn't find any grammatical mistakes, but you don't want to break a bone. like, AT ALL. it hurts. so. much. i broke my arm a few years ago trying to do a cartwheel. at first, it hurts a lot. then it feels kinda numb. then you feel really cold and don't want to move your broken limb at all. when you have to get x-rays, those hurt a bit too. sleeping is the worst part, especially if you move a lot when you sleep.

anyway, all this to say, the poem itself is good. it's funny (in a weird way). i like it! keep writing!

anneonomus says...

Hi! Thank you for the review! I enjoyed your description of a broken bone- especially the bit about sleeping! Even though I've never broken anything, I did pull a tendon in my foot almost ten years ago, and I remember having the worst pain I'd ever felt while trying to sleep. I'm also glad you thought the poem was funny (in a weird way)- I was definitely going for a sort of glib, macabre tone!
Thank you for reading, I'm happy you liked it!

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11 Reviews

Points: 398
Reviews: 11

Sat Aug 22, 2020 4:45 pm
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DavidFoxx wrote a review...

Hey there anneonomus!

Just like the other reviewers mentioned, I saw the title and decided to check the poem out.
A catching title is always a good thing, so great choice.

I noticed the lack of punctuation and the fact there's only one question mark

(an arm, a leg, a rib?)

But it's most likely entirely a stylistic choice.
About the content- it's quite powerful and I'm sure it will make most readers react, and that's the most important thing in writing.

Personally, I've thought about breaking bones too, although in a different context, but people relate to the idea of pain differently :)

I like it, I'm a very big fan of poetry of the type, so well done.
I'm looking forward to the next one :)

I hope this helped!

D Fox

anneonomus says...

Hello! Thank you so much for your review! If you don't mind me asking, what context have you thought about breaking bones in? I'm curious.

DavidFoxx says...

Of course I don't mind :) The way I've thought of it is breaking bits from someone else's bones, not in terms of fighting, etc. but feeling the snap under the pressure I give / I hope I make sense ;D

anneonomus says...

Oh, interesting! So almost the same as my half morbid curiosity half metaphor in this poem but external instead of internal- could even kill two birds with one stone if you snapped one of my bones (/j)

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455 Reviews

Points: 22123
Reviews: 455

Sat Aug 22, 2020 1:47 am
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Hijinks wrote a review...

Hey anneonomus! I found the title of your poem intriguing so here I am for a review :)

First of all, I love the concept of this poem! The idea of wanting to create artificial excitement/danger/exhilaration in your life is quite relatable, and you put a really neat spin on it! I like how you compare it to breaking a bone, and also that you keep this comparison consistent throughout the entire poem - it gives the poem a sense of continuation which I really enjoy.

I also like the tone of this poem - almost goofy, and definitely informal, like the narrator is almost joking but not quite. (The side notes in parenthesis contribute to the overall feel of the poem really well, too!) The narrator trying to explain their desire to break a bone (the cast will be colourful and pretty! yay!) is also super clever.

The only critiques I have for this poem are veryyy minor.

(though plaster might be nice)

(I do still like the colors)

^I might consider combining this into one parenthesis, like so:
(though plaster might be nice -

I do still like the colors)
But that's just an opinion, so up to you!

I'd also like a bit more punctuation, personally - at very least, ending the final line in a period. This is totally a stylistic choice, so no need to change it if you don't want to, but something to consider :)

I’ve never broken a bone

I don’t know if I can

^Speaking of the final lines, I like how you end the poem with a sense of uncertainty, and also how it ties back to the start of the poem ("I've never broken a bone").

One thing I would suggest looking at is your repetition of the word "just" - I don't mind when you start three lines in a row with it, as that's clearly purposeful and adds emphasis, but the lines "just one" and "just a little snap" feel less deliberate and I personally feel it would be stronger without that repetition.

Imagery wise, maybe you could incorporate some other bone-related ideas - marrow, fractures, skeleton, etc. - but that is only if you want to add more to the poem, I think it works well as is.

Sorry this review is so short, I honestly don't have much I would suggest changing with this clever poem! I hope you find this useful and if you've got any questions feel free to ask.

Keep writing!


anneonomus says...

Hi! Thank you so much for your review!

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13 Reviews

Points: 170
Reviews: 13

Fri Aug 21, 2020 7:42 pm
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MaxaM wrote a review...

Hello man! I really liked your poem!
I think we've all felt that morbid curiosity about what would happen if we just did that one stupid thing.
I found it really interesting the use of the parenthesis, wich from what i understood, represented the toughts of the narrator, that by the way seems awfully innocent.
All in all, i found it a really fun read, i got a feeling that every choice had a meaning and this thing that i think should be commom place is really remarkable.
I hope to see more of you!

anneonomus says...

Hello! Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you picked up on the childlike vibes of the narrator- in my brain about half of this poem can be explained by the John Mulaney quote
I am very small, and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.
but it's me as a college student instead of a small child saying it.

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120 Reviews

Points: 5578
Reviews: 120

Fri Aug 21, 2020 7:29 pm
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Overwatchful wrote a review...

Hello, Stormblessed here!

Believe it or not, I can relate to this poem! When I was younger I would debate with myself whether to do something dangerous just to see if something would break. I never did, but kept thinking about it. Then three years ago I broke my wrist playing tag(accidentally.) Just a small fracture. But it hurt like the dickens.
It was an impact fracture, so there was pain all up my arm from bones I had bruised. It was agony the next day.
What I'm trying to say is, while I understand wanting to see what it's like, be thankful that it hasn't happened to you yet.

Besides that, I think you're poem is great! I like how you write it out, and I cant wait to read more of your works!

Hope this helped!

anneonomus says...

Hi! Thank you for your review- and for sharing your experience with breaking a bone (it does slightly satiate my curiosity)!

Seeing is believing, but feeling is the truth.
— Thomas Fuller