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Poems are becoming rare from me now
Things are just too fast at times
And that's why even when writing one
I don't really worry about the rhyme.
So much is going on in my life
And yet, I can't think of anything to write
There is a conflict going between
The darkness and the light...
What do I write about-
The good or the bad?
The elation or the inadequacy
The happy or the sad?
I end up choosing the latter, because
For my smiles, people are great cheerers
My tears, on the other hand,
Are becoming too much for the mirrors...
Hi!
First of all, love this. Your topic is one of great interest. I like how you contrast it to "the darkness and the light'. Later on in the poem you start rhyming more words which offers more flow to the piece than earlier where its more as if somebody is talking. I like how its seems to build like this.
Your word choice has a strong effect on the purpose making the emotional effect stronger
( inadequacy, darkness, and conflict)
Well done
I really like the title of this poem, as well as the poem itself. I thought the poem might be sad, but there was a very strong sense of apathy from this piece.
This is going to seem like such an odd thing to point out but I loved your use of inadequacy. It's a favourite word of mine and it just fits so well into your piece.
One little bit of feedback I do have is that you seem to change POV a little bit. You start the piece out by saying "me", and the reader goes in thinking this is going to be a first person piece but you switch to second person by saying "your life, you don't worry etc.". and then you switch back to first person with "my tears". I would suggest sticking with one point of view just for continuity's sake.
Overall, however, I really loved your piece and I look forward to reading your future works.
Hi, anne27,
I really enjoyed reading your poem. It was so realistic and relatable to me. It was almost like you were reading my thoughts!
My absolute favorite lines were, "What do I write about/The good or the bad?/The elation or the inadequacy,/The happy or the sad?" It was kind of describing writer's block in a way. The ending was beautiful. It shows that for some, it is easier to write about more positive things instead of negative things.
Overall, this was a great poem. It had a good format and consistent rhythm. I can't wait to see more of your writings!
Signed,
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