*This is my first ever attempt at a childrens story. It's written with my four year old sister in mind (Poppy, who's four). Please let me know what you think! Is this too long for a childrens book? Should I do the whole thing in rhyme? I really don't know! Thanks a lot!*
Pop the fairy woke up on morning with a stretch and a yawn. She leapt out of bed, down the stairs, and nearly knocked Mummy fairy over! Mummy fairy smiled at her,
“Why Pop the fairy, howdy do
And tell me now, how are you?”
“I’m good thank you, and yourself?”
“Can’t complain, I’m in good health!
Can you do me a favour today?
Go to the shops, and on the way
Ask the animals what they need,
We need some bread for dinner please!”
Pop the fairy started walking down the path when she heard a buzz-buzz-buzzing overhead. Suddenly, a buzzy bee flew in front of her and did a little jig in the air,
“Why Pop the fairy, howdy do
And tell me now, how are you?”
“I’m good thank you, and yourself?”
“Can’t complain, I’m in good health!
Where are you off to today?”
“To the shops, I’m on my way,
Is there anything that you need?”
“Ooo yes, I’d like some honey please!”
Mummy fairy wants some bread,
The bees need golden honey
Can you help the fairy Pop?
Remember the list for the shop!
Pop the fairy continued on her way, but it wasn’t long until she heard cheap-cheap-cheap overhead. Suddenly, a little bird came crashing out of a tree, Pop caught the bird but its nest crumpled on the floor. The bird looked up a Pop with a sigh,
“Why Pop the fairy, howdy do
And tell me now, how are you?”
“I’m good thank you, and yourself?”
“Can’t complain, I’m in good health!
Where are you off to today?”
“To the shops, I’m on my way,
Is there anything that you need?”
“Ooo yes, I’d like a new bed please!”
Mummy fairy wants some bread,
The bees need golden honey,
Bird broke her nest and needs a bed,
Can you help the fairy Pop?
Remember the list for the shop!
Pop the fairy was half way now, but soon she heard a boing-boing-boing overhead. Bunny bounded into view and waved cheerily at Pop,
“Why Pop the fairy, howdy do
And tell me now, how are you?”
“I’m good thank you, and yourself?”
“Can’t complain, I’m in good health!
Where are you off to today?”
“To the shops, I’m on my way,
Is there anything that you need?”
“Ooo yes, I’d like some carrots please!”
Mummy fairy wants some bread,
The bees need golden honey,
Bird broke her nest and needs a bed,
Carrots for little bunny,
Can you help the fairy Pop?
Remember the list for the shop!
Pop the fairy travelled further, but it wasn’t long before she heard a slither-slither-slither overhead. Snake’s smiling but shivering face appeared out of the long grass,
“Why Pop the fairy, howdy do
And tell me now, how are you?”
“I’m good thank you, and yourself?”
“Can’t complain, I’m in good health!
Where are you off to today?”
“To the shops, I’m on my way,
Is there anything that you need?”
“Ooo yes, I’d like a coat please!”
Mummy fairy wants some bread,
The bees need golden honey,
Bird broke her nest and needs a bed,
Carrots for little bunny,
Snake is cold and needs a coat,
Can you help the fairy Pop?
Remember the list for the shop!
Out of the forest and into the town, Pop the fairy neared the shops, but it wasn’t long before she heard a mew-mew-mew overhead. Kitty cat appeared at her feet and rubbed sweetly against her legs,
“Why Pop the fairy, howdy do
And tell me now, how are you?”
“I’m good thank you, and yourself?”
“Can’t complain, I’m in good health!
Where are you off to today?”
“To the shops, I’m on my way,
Is there anything you need?”
“Ooo yes, I’d like some milk please!”
Mummy fairy wants some bread,
The bees need golden honey,
Bird broke her nest and needs a bed,
Carrots for little bunny,
Snake is cold and needs a coat,
Kitty cat wants a glass of milk,
Can you help the fairy Pop?
Remember the list for the shop!
Pop the fairy rounded the corner, the shop was now in sight, but soon she heard the a maa-maa-maa overhead. Goat trotted over and shook her hand,
“Why Pop the fairy, howdy do
And tell me now, how are you?”
“I’m good thank you, and yourself?”
“Can’t complain, I’m in good health!
Where are you off to today?”
“To the shops, I’m on my way,
Is there anything you need?”
“Ooo yes, I’d like some straw please!”
Mummy fairy wants some bread,
The bees need golden honey,
Bird broke her nest and needs a bed,
Carrots for little bunny,
Snake is cold and needs a coat,
Kitty cat wants a glass of milk,
Straw is needed for the goat,
Can you help the fairy Pop?
Remember the list for the shop!
Pop the fairy continued to the tree in front of the shop, but from its branches she could hear a twit-twoo-twit-twoo-twit-atishoo, and an owl flew down to greet her,
“Why Pop the fairy, howdy do
And tell me now, how are you?”
“I’m good thank you, and yourself?”
“Can’t complain, I’m in good health!
Where are you off to today?”
“To the shops, I’m on my way,
Is there anything you need?”
“Ooo yes, I’d like a silk hankie please!”
Mummy fairy wants some bread,
The bees need golden honey,
Bird broke her nest and needs a bed,
Carrots for little bunny,
Snake is cold and needs a coat,
Kitty cat wants a glass of milk,
Straw is needed for the goat,
Poor, ill owl needs a hankie (silk),
Can you help the fairy Pop?
Remember the list for the shop!
Pop the fairy reached the shop and grabbed her favourite trolley- the one with the sparkly pink handle bar- now she was ready to shop! Aisle one was filled with make-you-better lotions, get-well-soon potions, tissues, plaster and hankies. Hankies! Who needed a silk hanky? Owl of course! One plopped into the trolley! In aisle two she found straw for goat, and aisle three had milk. Scanning aisle four Pop the fairy saw T-shirts, trainers, trousers and lots of cuddly cosy coats. Coats! Who needed a coat? Snake of course! She chose one the colour green and moved to aisle five, there she found orange carrots a-plenty for little bunny, and a teeny bed for teeny bird was found down aisle six. Aisle seven had all things sweet like syrup, jam and honey. Honey! Who wanted honey? The bees of course! She picked the stickiest most golden pot.
“Owl has a hankie made of silk,
I’ve got lots of straw for goat,
Kitty cat has her glass of milk,
Snake has a very warm coat,
I’ve packed carrots for bunny,
Bird has a very small bed,
And the bees have their honey…
I think that’s all” muttered Pop,
So she paid, and left the shop!
Pop skipped back through the forest, giving the animals their items as she went. It wasn’t until she’d given the bees their honey and she’d run out of items that she realised her mistake…
“Oh bother! I forgot mummy fairy’s bread!” she exclaimed. She was nearly home, so she finished the journey sadly hoping mummy fairy would not be too cross. But, when she opened the door to fairy castle, she was met with a…
“SURPRISE!” shouted a bee with a mouth full of honey, a well-rested bird fresh from bed, a filled up bunny, a cosy snake in a green coat, a kitty cat quenched by milk, a cheerful goat and an owl blowing his nose on a hankie of silk! They were all sat round the kitchen table with the biggest loaf of bread Pop the fairy had ever seen.
Mummy fairy smiled at Pop the fairy,
“Your friends were so grateful that you helped them all today that they decided to bake us a big loaf of bread to say thank you.” Pop the fairy laughed and shouted with joy,
“Why all my friends, howdy do,
And I must say a big thank you!
Now lets all sit down for a tea
Of bread and milk and honey!”
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This is really good for a children's fic. Great job!
I know I would have loved to read this at 4/5.
Hiya, Anna!
This is the cutest children's story! I love the rhyming and repetition. It is the sweetest little message, too. I feel inspired to help other people out!
I have one little comment: I think I would feel better if you kept the whole book in rhyme as much as you can. I love the story as it is, but I would love to see all of it in rhymes. Please PM me or write on my wall if you want to have more reviews! I usually write a lot more...
This is amazing though and please publish this! I can totally see it in a book shop and people buying it for christmas or hanukkah (or any other day).
Have a great day!
Sincerely,
Siona
Thank you for the review! I think I'll probably do a re-write fully in rhyme at some point. Maybe have the bit where she hears the animals in rhyming couplets or something. Let me know if you need any reviews too!
I have to say that was a good kids' story. The only critique I have is that if you are going to have some of it rhyming, then you should probably have the whole thing rhyme, and to keep the rhyming pattern consistant (i.e., don't switch from a-b-a-b to a-a-b-b in different paragraphs.) Also, you may not want to use the word 'mutter' in this instance because most 4-year-olds probably don't know what that means.
I would suggest in the part where Pop gets all og the items that if it becomes a published children's book to have the kids be able to say it before they see it. For eample, in 'Hankies! Who needed a silk hanky? Owl of course!" maybe cover the 'Owl of course' where they open the flap to see it or have to turn the page. If you do this, then you may have to revise that paragraph.
I have to say that it was a very good book for little kids. I would read it to the four-year-old I know. I know she'd love it. Keep writing!
Thanks for the review! When i do a re draft I'll definitely try and make some of the improvements you suggested. Let me know if you ever need a review
No problem. Thanks! Will probably post something soon...