Saturday:
Chris’s Perspective
It was my Dad’s idea to go into Thame. He wanted to visit a man he knew when he was in secondary school who’s friendship he’d recently rekindled via facebook,
“Isn’t the internet a truly wonderful thing” he enthused manically, “Who knew that all these years Rob and I lived a mere ten minute drive away from one another?”
“Mmmhmm, shocking…” I replied,
“Why don’t you come with me Christopher? We’ll go for lunch after.” Originally I declined the offer, for fear of running into Annabel, but he tempted me with the promise of Rob having a teenage daughter and that I could have ice cream after lunch.
So that was why on a Saturday afternoon, instead of playing Call of Duty with James and Jake, I was being driven through the drizzle by my Dad who was getting increasingly angrier at the Sat-Nav who, it seemed evident, had absolutely no clue where Rob’s post code was so had decided to take us round in ever more confusing circles of streets. Eventually, Rob called to say sorry but they were going to have to rearrange as he’d just been called into work. My Dad, polite as ever on the phone, hung up and hissed a list of unrepeatable swear words, a couple of which were knew to me,
“Forty five F-ing minutes I’ve been lost and now the blokes too F-ing busy.” He concluded,
“Don’t worry Dad,” I comforted him, “I’m sure your old boyfriend will be free to relight your flame sometime soon…” I teased. Words, it seemed, proved too much for him at this point. Instead, he put the key in the ignition, turned the car around and begun figuring out how to get out of the maze and into the town.
Somehow we did manage to escape the Minotaur and ended up parked outside a quaint little café near the school. The place was already teeming with people but we managed to find a table for two squashed into the back. I looked over the laminated menu, yellowy in colour like it’d been dyed to look aged, but packed with delicious (if overpriced) lunches. I’d decided to have the soup of the day just as Dad was beginning to get arsey about the wait for service, then I heard a familiar voice beside me asking,
“Hello, are you ready to order?” I turned around to take in long, slender legs in jeans so tight they made my pulse quicken, my eyes travelled up her body to see a black vest top tucked into a small green waitressing apron, her hair which usually cascaded messily across her shoulders was tied up in a high pony tail, with just a couple of neat bangs framing her face, her eyes were heavily surrounded by make up but that couldn’t mask that they, unmistakeably, belonged to Annabel. I met those sea blue eyes, feeling so shocked I thought I could hear my jaw hit the ground.
“What did you want, Christopher?” My Dad asked, but it was like I’d lost all ability to speak. Once the initial shock faded, I was just left with embarrassment; I’d meant to avoid her after all!
“I… Uhh… Errrmmm… Chips.” I said, thinking of the chip she’d stolen from my mouth that Wednesday, how her lips had brushed mine, sending ripples of excitement through my body that were much more satisfying than if I’d eaten the chip,
“Chips?” My Dad asked, “I thought you were having the soup?” then he addressed Annabel, “I’ll have the soup in any case darlin’” She scribbled in her notebook and I hastily say,
“Uh, yeah I meant soup too. Not chips.” She nodded, still writing,
“And to drink?”
“Two cans of coke please” My Dad answered for me this time. Annabel writes this down too,
“Okay, I’ll be back with your drinks in a few minutes.”
As she walked away I noticed that, despite the neat semi-formal black waitress outfit, her feet were still adorned with a scruffy pair of purple connies. I smiled, it was still my goofy Annabel under all that makeup, although it should be duly noted that I was totally in favour of those jeans!
Annabel’s Perspective
The alarm on my phone went off at 8am, shattering the illusion of a peaceful world that sleep so often brings. I groaned and rolled over, my hand groped the desk to try and find the phone, then, I hit the screen with growing frustration until the alarm abruptly stopped. Milly, my sister, banged on the all-too-thin wall that separates our bedrooms and shouted,
“Keep the noise down, some of us don’t have to be up until lunch time!” I stuck two fingers up in her general direction, pretending she could see me through the wall, satisfied that I woke her up.
I gingerly disentangled myself from Fat Bob, the lightly snoring cat, who was dozing lazily draped across my feet. Then, I rolled out of bed and began to line my eyes with thick black eyeliner, I next removed my glasses and poked in a pair of contacts, finally I added concealer to the blemishes on my pale skin. It wasn’t exactly my usually quirky look, but as my boss often said,
“Half of being a Waitress is looking the part.” What he meant by this is the café is located right near a school full of teenage boys and an old people’s home full of pensioners, so find the balance between looking attractive and looking presentable so that both customers are catered for. I slipped into a pair of black skinny jeans and a plain black vest top, grabbed an apple to eat on the way, and began walking.
I worked at a coffee shop inventively named ‘The Coffee Shop’. Judging by the outside you could be forgiven for believing it is a cosy, traditional shop run by a kind-hearted and family orientated man. That is the impression the stripy green and cream curtains give, and the tacky statue of a moustached waiter outside with a permanently painful smile on his face, holding up a list of specials that is so corroded it clearly hasn’t been changed since before 1950. However, this was all part of a scheme the constantly angry, borderline psychotic boss conceived in his profit obsessed mind. In reality, working at the shop was a nightmare. You couldn’t make a single cappuccino without being told off for using too much or too little coffee and god forbid you use skimmed milk for a latte when they didn’t order it skinny.
Anyway, this Saturday was no exception to the rule. I got to work two minutes late to be greeted by a wide eyed Megan warning me earnestly,
“Quickly run and put on your apron before he sees you’re late” I nodded, already half jogging to the back of the shop where they are kept, but was too busy concentrating on getting there that I didn’t notice I was half jogging straight into the bosses chest… Until I’d done it,
“Annabel, you’re late.” He informed me sternly, looking at me down his nose. More than slightly intimidated, I nodded,
“I know. I’m sorry, won’t happen again.” He walked away without another word, apparently too exasperated by my tardiness to hang around another second. I looked at Megan, biting my lip, she smirked at the brownies she was arranging for display.
It was a fairly busy day, customers flooded in just before my break was scheduled, meaning it was postponed an extra hour and two more tables were added to my section. Cole, a waiter who’d just come back from his break smiled at me encouragingly,
“Cheer up Annabel; don’t you know that customer anyway?” He nodded towards a boy who was sat with, presumably, his Dad who was the latest addition to my section. I took in the boys dark hair, cut shorter at the back, his chiselled, tanned face, strikingly good looking despite being speckled with acne, his blue-gray eyes usually sparking with humour and his sheer height (at least a foot taller than me, which is rare since I’m fairly tall).
“Yeah.” I answered, “That’s Chris. I know him a little too well.” Cole looked at me in confusion. I sighed and made my way over to the table.
I hadn’t spoken to Chris since the Incident, as it is now commonly known. Straight afterwards we’d sprinted back to school because we were running late. In the following days he’d avoided the group, and now he was in the café. He couldn’t have known that he was in the café I worked in; he was very rarely in Thame except to go to school or to hang out at the park with the group. Walking over I imagined I was in an over-dramatic slow motion movie were the world was about to end, I took out my notebook and pencil and feigned confidence,
“Hello, are you ready to order?” He looked up slowly, his surprised eyes meeting mine, his jaw falling agape at the hinges,
“I think so” replied his Dad, in a slightly gruffer version of Chris’s voice,
“What did you want Christopher?”
End of chapter
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Hey, Stella here again!
whose
do you mean the labyrinth? Or is the Minotaur chasing them?
Alright, so, a couple of continuity things: mainly about Annabel working- and the fact that Megan works there too. I find it a bit unusual that they work in the same place, or at least it definitely bears mentioning during previous chapters- like when they're all at Megan's, does Annabel ask if Megan's going to be able to work on Saturday etc etc. or now, she doesn't even acknowledge the fact that Megan was, at one point, ill. And Chris didn't know she worked there? I just find it all a bit funny.
Other points:
-I'm not so sure I like the fact that Chris and Annabel are together in all their chapters. I'd kind of prefer to see them interacting more with their friends, their families. My favourite part was watching Chris and his dad. But Annabel doesn't mention Lucy or anything. It's like these two are in their own separate story.
-the shallow part of me is going, OMG CHRIS IS SO HOT. And adorable. So he has acne. So what? That is the only reason that Annabel has given, as far as I can see, as to why she doesn't like him. You're going to have to try harder than that to convince me that she doesn't want this to happen.
-please tidy up. Your tenses are all over the place, as is your punctuation. Remember to proofread everything. I'm not going to go through and do it for you. Once you have all those things right this will read SO much better. It really does make a difference and it really is important so please give it a little time.
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella x
I have been casually been keeping up with your story for a while and thought I'd comment! The idea of being told the story from each different character's POV is really interesting, and even though it's been done before, you make it your own. I'm totally hooked on your plot! A few spelling/grammar mistakes which can easily be sorted, but your use of language is really good.
Please update soon, it's really good!
OMG!
I do not want to sound rude, but you really have improved fro your last story/chapter!
Okay, so here goes...
Postatives -
You ahve really put alot of effort into this chapter, and it truely shows.
The detail is once again GREAT and it really gives the story that extra shove.
It's JUST AMAZING!
Negatives -
I think I noticed a few errors, where you've written something, but you've forgotten to add a word.
OVERALL-
BRILLTASTIC, CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR MORE, I REALLY CAN'T!
You really do put so much effort in, and please, write more!
Love you xxx (as a friend)!
~ TazmaniaGirl xx