Her voice travels with the wind, through the trees and into my ears. She smiles a smile that takes up half her face and makes her look like a Colgate model. My best friend Emilee is a bright child. I take her hand and we walk through the park.
"I like school," she says. "We got a new kid today. Romeo. It's an odd name, huh, Citrus?"
I smile. "Rather odd, yes." I don't tell her the story about the famous Romeo, but say instead, "What would you like to play now?"
Emilee releases my hand and picks a flower from the ground. A dandelion. Her mother calls them weeds, but my friend finds beauty in everything. "Let's go to the water!"
I lead her to the park's pond, watching her break into a run when we are just a few yards away. She stops at the edge, dropping her head. I watch her stare at her reflection, taking in all her details.
I've always said she was a beauty. Soft creamy skin, pale green eyes, long golden brown hair. She turns to look at me.
"Come!" she says. "Look with me."
I walk up to the pond.
I face the water.
I look down.
There is nothing. I see water, and that's it. No reflection, no face staring back.
Emilee looks up at me. "Why aren't you in the water, Citrus?"
I look into her green eyes. She's so innocent, so young.
"The water was meant to be your looking glass. Mine is elsewhere."
This is true, to some extent. I would never tell the whole truth, but it's there, in the back of my head. She'll figure out someday, I know. She'll realize what I am.
Imaginary.
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140,101 Literary Works • 672,999 Reviews
I thought he was a vampire at first 0_0
Yes -- welcome to the site. This was, in my personal opinion, very vivid and descriptive for a ~500 word story; a lot of hidden symbolism; a lot that's left open to interpretation. I felt captivated by it right from the opening line. I would definitely like to see more of this style on here. It had me thinking about the dynamic between the relationship of Citrus and Emilee, and I feel like end really leaves you room to work with (not that you necessarily want to pursue this any further or turn it into a series or anything, but you never know -- someone might). All in all I thought it was really well written and I look forward to reading more of your material in the future.
First of all a huge welcome to YWS! I just know you're going to love it here
Okay so I'm here to review your story, to tell you what works in it and what you can do to make it even better 
Slow the story down.
First Impressions
So when I finished the story I was like woah what just happened? I really, really liked your ending. Being a huge fan of twists and also someone who is generally good at predicting plot I was just really impressed with the way the story turned out. I think that this piece has heaps of potential to be mind-blowingly awesome if you tweak it a little.
Okay so first of all. When I read this, it reminds me of those stories I write all in one go because I've got so much inspiration and don't want to forget any of it. That's great, it means you actually get the story onto paper but sometimes it's good to put the piece aside for a little while - even a few days - before coming back to it with a really critical eye. You'll actually find that you come up with so many improvements you want to make.
Length and Pacing
So one of the first things I thought of was flesh your story out a little more. It's extremely short. Sometimes short is good! I'm not a fan of overly wordy stories myself but I feel that this story could do with a little feeding. Why is this important? One of the reasons is that the length of the story affects its pacing. Pacing in a short story – especially one with an impending plot twist – is extremely important. This story moves way to fast. As a reader, I meet the characters, go to the lake and BAM the main character isn’t even real. I’m left feeling a little confused and a little unfulfilled. It’s like getting a really small serving of a delicious meal. Where’s the rest? It tastes amazing! I want more!
Take the time to create a stronger sense of atmosphere.
For example in the first paragraph. I loved your opening line. Fabulous. Now give us more. I feel that in this paragraph you can really expand a little more, give us a teensy bit more setting – just a little bit more to give us a clearer sense of where we are. Maybe a hint at the weather? The narrator and Emilee, were they already walking together or have they just met up? That kind of thing.
I feel also that the pond scene could be stretched a little more. I’m not sure how you’d like to do that. I do feel as well though, maybe a little more conversation between the two characters? The reader just needs a little bit more to connect with the story and the narrators so that they are fully invested when they get to the ending.
Point of View and Narrative Voice
Firstly I have to commend you on your narrative voice. I think it’s great! I feel like the voice of the story actually sets a lot of the mood and atmosphere in your piece and gives it the overall feel. I could feel the narrator’s emptiness, the underlying sense of sadness and acceptance of what they are and you’ve done it in a relatively short piece too! Awesome.
Wording and Structure
I really like your structure. It’s clean, clear and easy to read. Paragraphs are broken where they should be and you also use structure to enhance the effect of your words. For example here:
Personally I thought that was a fantastic sequence.
With wording. I fell that some of the sentence structure could be improved. E.g.:
Something here doesn’t read smoothly. I would play around with it until it just flow out of the mouth. In such a short piece we don’t want to be jarring the reader unnecessarily.
On word choice:
I question the Colgate reference. It’s not a bad thing – more of my personal taste really – but I just thought I’d let you know that as a reader I felt that it didn’t fit with the flow, nor did it contribute to the overall story. Again it’s jarring.
And here…
In short pieces, repeated words or phrases really stand out so be careful with them. It can break flow and distract the reader, especially if you place it so closely to the first one as you’ve done here. We know she’s the narrator’s best friend. It’s been mentioned in the first paragraph. I would suggest (not insist
Some Final Words
I love the fact that you’ve written from the perspective of the “imaginary” friend I think it’s great and was done pretty well. I also love how you closed the story with the single word “imaginary”. I think it has a great effect. As I said at the beginning, this has the potential, the bones to become a fantastic short story if you work on it a little more.
Snowery
Salutations! fantasydragon01, the DIE-HARD fantasy lover is here. I will make another review.
Here we go:
Okay, I love the titles. It sounds very poetic and captivating. I like the story. It is a bit random, though. I wonder if you will be writing a sequel to this or something. I would love to see that.
I like your descriptions, especially of the girl Emilee. I would really want to know who is Citrus. I would like to see some description of her. I was very surprised to find out that she was imaginary. Keep practicing and never give up.
Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01.