Published September 13, 2008
So. You're back in my life.
I say, this time, it's different.
You say, there was something wrong last time?
Well... I guess you were just being yourself. Can I blame you for doing what I knew you would? For doing what you always do?
You just let yourself back into the world I live in. The world I tried so hard to keep everything about you out of.
You just fucked over my plan.
You just fucked over everything I worked so hard to fix. You just fucked everything over with your smile. Your kiss.
I tell myself, this time, it's not going to be the same. I tell myself, this time, I'm ready, I can take it.
I won't get attached.
I look you in the eye.
Fuck.
I tell myself, this time, maybe this time, it might work.
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Canary word: Present
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140,900 Literary Works • 673,706 Reviews
I know what you mean, my dear, about your stuff just being more of the same...but hey...if it aint broke, don't fix it...I've told you before on many occasions I am your biggest fan.
I like the length of this. It's almost like you're so angry you can't even calm yourself down enough to carry on writing....this is all you can manage...
Maybe I'm reading too much into things as usual....
I liked this.
A bit repetitive with the word "fuck(ed)", but I can understand how it is used to some dramatic effect.
The whole thing is a bit cliched - though I guess every story idea has been worked to death.
And of course everyone can relate to this piece - in fact right now I relate to this extremely well.
Keep writing. Sometimes a YWS read would like to read something short and simple like this, as opposed to the heavily descriptive peices that Snoink would like to read.
Cheers, Jai
Hello and welcome to YWS! This is very much the same as the rest of your work, and that's bad. You should try a little variety, just because everybody needs a little sprinkle of something else.
One thing that you'll find especially helpful is more description. If you describe the situation, you can show what is happening and give a firmer idea of reality in the reader's mind. What is the conflict involved? Why does the narrator think he's fucked? Why should we care about this conflict? So basically, if you give more description about the conflict, it'll make the readers think this is an especially heart-breaking piece and it'll give this work of yours some difference so it's not just the same thing, rehashed.
Good luck!