z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Sun and the Moon

by alpacaboss


We were celebrating Christmas at his house, a few days before the holiday. Although his place wasn’t the grandest, it was a second home to me and my friends. His mother served a feast for us that day. A platter of tender roast beef tantalized our senses. A large bowl of rice and a basket of bread were placed in the middle. On top of the side dishes she prepared, we were given heaps of warm chocolate cookies for dessert. I’m sure I gained ten pounds after that party. We played games and talked and laughed for hours. It was clearly a blur. But when the sun started to set, we decided to end the day by exchanging gifts.

Everyone had a gift from each friend. Given there were seven of us in the group, each had six gifts, an overwhelming amount of presents in one day. Like impatient children, we ripped off the wrappings around our gifts and reveled in their beauty. Some of them squealed happily and showered everyone with compliments about their gifts. Others seemed distant as they examined their gifts, but their watery eyes were filled with an appreciative gleam. Across the room, I saw that he intentionally saved my gift last. I will do the same for him, but I tore the wrapper of my other gifts slowly to see his reaction to my presents.

His eyes brightened up when he opened my gift. He looked straight at me, full of appreciation and happiness. It was enough to make my heart skip a beat. I felt my chest tightening when started to approach me. Why was I feeling this way?

“Thanks for this,” he said to me. I smiled when he gently lifted my Christmas card from the box. A few photos peeked out of the card along with some lists of great books and songs that I would recommend to him. “It means a lot.”

“What about the keychain?”

He laughed, shaking his head at the silly looking alpaca keychain. Only its smile can be seen because everything else was covered in fur. “I hate it and love it at the same time.”

“I hope it reminds you of my existence.”

“I think about your existence everyday.” I wonder what that was supposed to mean. I don’t want to overthink it.

He picked up his gift and placed it in my hands. “Maybe you would like to open it,” he said with a grin.

“What, is this a prank?” I joked.

“You’ll see,” he teased. I couldn’t wait any longer. Tearing off the wrapper, my eyes met a small box, humble and sweet in size. Opening the lid, a golden necklace sparkled in radiance. A cute sun hung from its thread-like chain.

“It’s beautiful,” I say breathlessly. I immediately put it on. The necklace didn’t feel heavy and it fit just right around my neck.

He didn’t say anything, but I noticed he was breathless as well. After a short pause, he nodded to me. “Let’s go to the porch,” he said. “I want to tell you something.”

Without a reason to refuse, I followed him out of the living room. He still held my gift tightly in his hand when we were sitting together on the porch. We both stared at the distance in comfortable silence. Even though it was fairly chilly during this season, the sun’s rays warmed our faces with its caress. It shone with colors of farewell and hope to see us for the next day. Streaks of pink and orange painted the sky with every stroke seeming to come from a masterful painter. The thin clouds laid low as if they were about to rest. The beautiful scene seemed so bittersweet with its beauty and its show of fleeting time.

“I realized something about the sun,” he said. I turned to him. This was not his first time starting a sentence with those four words. But everytime, his reflection would provoke a thoughtful discussion between us two, conversations that I truly appreciated.

“The sun is crucial to our lives. We can’t live without it. Our earth would be nothing without the sun. Yet the sun continues to shine for the earth, not knowing its importance to earth. Its presence is felt by the planets around it and the closer you are to it, the more you burn.”

I simply nodded my head, not knowing where he was going with this.

“Don’t you think there are people like that in our lives?” he asked. “There are people who don’t know how important they are to another person. They don’t know how their presence becomes a necessity to the people who have experienced it. And to those who are close to them, the more they need them and want them. The more they burn for them.”

He turned to me and leaned towards me. Our eyes interlocked with each other and I saw it. His eyes had longing in them, like a tortuous wave washing over. For a moment, I saw vulnerability in him and a deeper layer to him that I couldn’t identify. He was shaking, a bottle of emotions waiting to erupt.

“Say it,” I whisper to him. “Your whole being is shaking to say it.”

He took a deep breath as he tore his eyes away from me. His hands gripped mine as if he was holding on for dear life. He took a look at the sun necklace around my neck and breathed in. Then, a torrent of emotions burst out.

“You are my sun. You are a constant shining presence in my life. Whether you are there or not, I think of your existence everyday. I don’t want you to get out of my life, because if I did my world would become a dark place. The more I get close to you, the more I burn for you. So much have I burned for you that here I am. I am risking our lifelong friendship for a chance of something deeper.” I don’t know what betrayed my thoughts at the moment, but his eyes saddened after his confession.

“I understand if you don’t want something deeper,” he explained. “We can still stay friends and forget that this entire thing happened. Just say the word and I’ll never raise this subject again.”

What he didn’t know was that I felt the same thing for him. My heart longed for him, but my head held me back.

“What if I’m not ready?” I ask.

“I’ll wait,” he answered.

“What if you get tired of me?”

“I would never.”

“What if I can’t love you as much as you love me?”

“I would still be here.”

“What if we forget each other?”

He smiled at me. “Aside from that being near impossible, I would still fall in love with you every single day.”

My entire being started shaking. I was afraid. “What if you hurt me?”

He looked at me. “I would make it a point to never hurt you. But if I do, would you forgive me?”

My lips quivered. “Yes, I will. I don’t want a simple mistake to separate us.” My wave of emotions started pouring out. “You are my sun. I need you in my life. Everyday, I look forward to seeing you because you give so much light in my dreary world. Just like the moon who gets light from the sun, I brighten up because of you." I rubbed the sun necklace he gave me.

“Can you be the sun to my moon?”

His grin outshone the sun. He planted a soft kiss on my head and whispered to me.

“Yes. Yes, I will.”


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
84 Reviews

Points: 224
Reviews: 84

Donate
Sat Jul 29, 2023 2:36 pm
ariah347 wrote a review...



This story beautifully captures the warmth and camaraderie of celebrating Christmas with friends. The descriptive language effectively paints a vivid picture of the feast and the joyful atmosphere, making me feel like a part of the celebration.

You skillfully portray the emotions and subtle interactions between the protagonist and their friend, adding depth and authenticity to their relationship. The gift exchange scene is heartwarming, and the exchange of thoughtful gifts adds to the sense of closeness between the characters.

The use of the sun and moon metaphor throughout the story is a clever way to convey the characters' feelings. It gives a poetic and tender touch to the unfolding romance, making it feel like a natural progression of their friendship.

The dialogue is well-written, and the characters' conversations feel genuine, capturing their vulnerabilities and uncertainties about their newfound feelings for each other. The emotional turmoil and fear of risking their friendship for something more are portrayed realistically and made me empathize with the character's internal struggles.

The pacing of the story is well-balanced, allowing for moments of reflection and introspection, as well as heartfelt interactions between the characters. The scene on the porch, with the sun setting and the characters baring their feelings, is particularly poignant and adds depth to the story.

The ending is heartwarming and gave me hope and anticipation for the characters' future together. Overall, this is a beautifully written story about friendship, love, and the courage to take a chance on something deeper. Its emotive prose and well-crafted characters leave a lasting impression!




alpacaboss says...


Thank you so much! (I actually almost forgot about my short stories since I'm just doing random poems nowadays...might write another story one day)

Glad you enjoy the story! :D



User avatar
22 Reviews

Points: 68
Reviews: 22

Donate
Sat Jul 08, 2023 2:36 pm
epotts1 wrote a review...



"Like impatient children, we ripped off the wrappings around our gifts and reveled in their beauty."

i loved the language here! Great job, that's exactly what this feels like.

“The sun is crucial to our lives. We can’t live without it. Our earth would be nothing without the sun. Yet the sun continues to shine for the earth, not knowing its importance to earth. Its presence is felt by the planets around it and the closer you are to it, the more you burn.”

I am also best friends with someone i care for deeply, but i struggle with anxiety and depression and sometimes i feel like he would be okay if i wasn't here. I love the description of the need for the sun.

"The thin clouds laid low as if they were about to rest."
I love the way this sounds.




alpacaboss says...


Thanks for the review! Glad you liked it.

Personally, if your best friend stuck around with you for a long time, I don't think he would be okay without you. I believe you both accept each other as friends because of who both of you are. (I hope that made sense-ish)

Have a great day/night!



epotts1 says...


it does. We mean a lot to each other. Our friendship is equally important to both of us. just like the sun and the moon



alpacaboss says...


That's nice :D
Do treasure it, friendships like that are hard to find



User avatar
31 Reviews

Points: 128
Reviews: 31

Donate
Thu May 25, 2023 6:22 pm
Terian805 wrote a review...



Hey there. You've got a lovely writing style; I love the simple way that you move from one subject naturally onto another, without making sentences too complicated or messy. You're good at just presenting a sentence to the reader, without like telling them too much what to feel about. Keep honing that.

There aren't really any nitpicks are grammar stuff I can see either which is cool. I really love those descriptions of the sky and the clouds too, as they suggest lots of contentment and happiness. I always love descriptions of food in stories as well, particularly the one that you do at the beginning of this one. The cookies, beef, rice etc really get across that Christmassy type of cosiness, the feeling that we all know.

It's great that you've got the little/theme motif of the sun and moon running throughout the whole thing, and sort of tying it together at the end. I think the interesting part about your story, though, is the relationships between the main character, her friends and this guy, because it's obviously got a lot of history. If you made that come across, then the confession at the end would be cuter; maybe how long they've known each other, whether they've had ups and downs in the friendship and similar. It can just be like a passing mention, like are they at the same school/workplace? If so you could say, ' I remember when I was introduced to him on lunch break. He was wearing 'this'. Maybe something worth thinking about.

Overall, keep writing, and maintaining the cosy vibes in your writing!

Best,

Terian




alpacaboss says...


Thank you for your review! Ah yes, that's a good point about adding a bit of their history. Thanks for the tip!



User avatar
45 Reviews

Points: 3210
Reviews: 45

Donate
Sun May 21, 2023 1:10 am
SkyVibes wrote a review...



Heya! MercedesBlue here!

The FIRST thing that comes to mind when reading this is one of my FAVORITE songs called "Shine" by JVKE. If you haven't heard it I really recommend you give it a listen. You'll see what I mean ;)

Next, I like how this happens around Christmas. Such a perfect time for this to happen! I love how the gifts are important to the characters of this story.

I liked it a lot that the guy confessed his love and said that he'd still want to be friend and would completely understand. I don't think a lot of people would stick around without feeling awkward but points to this character for being one of the few who would put this behind them!

How you described the girl having the emotions she was when she looked at the guy and how she explained her heart raising by love is really helpful for me because it inspired new ideas for me because I have a couple in my book where it's also from the girl's perspective, however it can be really hard to put into words of how she's feeling towards the guy she likes.

And I love the beautiful touch at the end when he tells her his promise and how he'll never want to hurt her and how he'd be her moon. THAT'S SO SWEET.

My only critisism (which of course you don't have to read this nor take my suggestion) I think there could maybe be a little description of the characters?? Just a little though to add more flavor to the writing. Of course this is just my person opinion which isn't worth much so you don't have to take it :)

Thank you for sharing your writing for others to read! I for one really enjoyed reading it!

-Mercedes




alpacaboss says...


Thank you so much for your review! This helps a lot :D
Ah yes, that's a good point about adding description to the characters hehe I will keep that in mind when making future works. Thanks a lot!




The ink in which our lives are inscribed is indelible.
— Helena 'HG' Wells, Warehouse 13