It is not uncommon for me to be lost in thought. Whether I entertain myself with the frivolities of my friends' antics or drown in the possibilities of philosophical musings, they can span from a few minutes to more time than I'm willing to admit. Yet there are certain recurring themes that haunt me when they enter my mind. There is a particular subject, seemingly taboo yet so real to me.
It would come through a harmless thought, me and a nameless man going out together as good friends. A friendship that tempts both with the possibility of becoming more than that. Why is it that on days we will go out nothing happens but on other days, the tension between us is like a magnet? When our hands brush, electricity flows and the world seems to stop. I think he sensed it too and he acted on it. A simple step out of their comfort zone to serve me, a flower he gave to me that he found on the road.
I don't like flowers. But I wouldn't stop thinking about the daisy he gave.
When we would cross the road, he would instinctively grab my arm and put himself on the danger side. His face would scrunch up in jealousy when I talk about other guys but glow with gladness when he sees me happy. As the months passed, our relationship grew and we decided to officialize it. This nameless man and I. He would melt under my touch and kiss my forehead in return. And oh his gentle whisper is like the warmth of a candle on a snowy day. So wonderful and so sweet. His gaze is full of love, no hint of obsession or objectification. His touch is caring and genuine, without selfishness or lust. Oh what beauty it is to experience such a relationship. One full of passion and love yet founded on the stability and security of friendship. One that would stand through the test of time and hardships. One that would make the future seem brighter because he's there...
And I will snap back to reality, hoping I never spiral back because...
It
Is
Not
Real.
Yet someday, I wish I would very much like a relationship like that. Someone to fill that haunting desire. Someone to love me and someone I can love back.
Maybe. I can only hope.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hey there! Coffee here to swing by with a cup of steaming, comforting review! Let’s get into this wonderful piece, shall we?
Firstly, I LOVE the whole piece, I’m a sucker for romance already, and I must say how sad I felt for the character and related so much because that’s how I feel everyday after I wake up. Sad times.
The first paragraph is very engaging and quickly grabs the readers attention, not failing to make a great first impression! I love the use of ‘complex’ vocabulary too! Words like ‘taboo’ and ‘frivolities’ really make the reader curious and reveals a little about the personality and thoughts of the character and maybe even author.
I particularly love this line:
This line is one of the few that caught my attention more and made me feel giddy. I don’t know if the way you worded it seemed exciting but I felt a sudden urge to know more and the way you kept the sense of mystery made me itch to know more even deeply!!
I also love this line:
It’s so sweet and it seemed like the character was in a bit of a denial stage at the beginning and the man slowly made her fall for him. Like they say,’He had fallen for me but then I fell for him harder’. I love that.
Then, it describes how sweet they are and the description yet simplistic nature of the writing is addictive as caffeine.
Deliciously detailed.
Then, the line,
and all the stuff after that, kind of pulls you back into reality and you realise, ‘oh. I don’t have time for this stuff’ or whatever reason a person has. It’s what we all do sometimes right?
(It might just be me.)
The ending is sad because the whole story was basically fake but it’s also hopeful because just because it’s fake right now doesn’t mean it can’t become reality? I like it. It proves there’s hope for me, haha. But, in all seriousness, I love this work and thank you for writing this! ^^
Thank you for reading and have a good day/night, I better sleep now!!
Hey there, alpaca! Rebel here for a short review!
Quite the whimsical, emotional and somewhat tragic of a narrative do we have here. I like how you have categorised it as a poem although it is mostly in prose - however, anything that sounds cool enough counts as poetry to me so I'd let that slide.
There is nothing wrong with hoping for a kind, caring person ready to hold your hands for the rest of your life, it's not a taboo. Love is the most human emotion, perhaps after hope. A burning desire to be loved is felt by all - from the youngest to the oldest human. And it doesn't matter if the nameless and faceless one of your imaginations doesn't exist, as long as you can hope to have a person like that in your life, you can be happy. And that's what matters the most, in my opinion.
And well, to wind it up, in the words of Dumbledore: "Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
P.S.: This review is brought to you by Team Tortoise.
Hello Alpacaboss! All hail the alpacas!!!! 🙌🙌
Okay... now that that's out of the way, let's get into the review.
First things first, this had me visualizing every step of the way. It is almost the start of a novel where a character is envisioning this. I understand it is likely real thoughts you've experienced and many can relate to, but it makes for a very compelling opener to a book.
Second things second, there is nothing to critique that would improve this. You've got some vocabulary that I like to call THICK. Examples include: frivolities, philosophical, objectification, and officialize. The line break and bolding of the text for "it is not real" engraves the message and overall theme of this well.
Third things third, my favorite part out of this entirety is:
Last things last, I am honored to have an insight into something so personal. Kudos to you for sharing so brilliantly, making it relatable, and ultimately giving me something fantastic to read and inspired to write myself. Wishing you well wherever you are in the world.
With love, A
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hi! I fully relate with the tone of want and longing in this piece. I specially love how you call him a "nameless" man, it adds to the strong feeling of absence of something. some parts which were great were,
"they can span from a few minutes to more time than I'm willing to admit." the mention of time makes the imagery realistic. I know that when we start day dreaming we stop being aware that we are doing it, so I like that you've captured that here
" there are certain recurring themes that haunt me when they enter my mind." I love this sentence but in context with the rest of the piece, this feels out of place. the whole mood is cozy and warm, yet this is not. Maybe you could try to put that mood of a "haunting desire" even when you're talking about all the things you imagine you'll have with that man.
That's all I have to say. Good luck writing!