Young Writers Society

Hey alliyah! Incoming review!

I thought I remembered this resurfacing. Or not that could just be me. Anyway onto the review!

I guess I'll start with critique. The use of sawdust in the title was lost until I got to the part where you talked about your preference for dreaming in sawdust. I wouldn't necessarily call this a critique, but more so like a confusing arrangement for when the message comes in.

But I'll answer some of your questions to give feedback.

1)What do you think about the formatting? ie. does it help or hinder your understanding of the poem, what is its effect? I don't think the formatting is what is an issue. It might be from the strikethrough that can throw the reader off. But I also don't think it helped all that much. I think it's neutral in its execution but it's interesting.

2) Did the whole poem seem cohesive, did you think that all the elements worked together? The whole poem was very cohesive for me. The only thing I thought was off was the lightning part. I assume it was to be you being more spontaneous and violent, to the guy's more poetic way of life. But that's it.

But I'm done with critique, let me praise your work! I like the diversion of the guy being more whimsical and poetic instead of the girl. I want to get to know him. I also think the incorporation of the tree, then paper, and then sawdust was *chef's kiss* beautiful. Trees are poetic in of themselves. And then the paper, oh the paper used to write down his empty compliments. His poetry for you. And the sawdust of some woodcrafts he made to please you, but you can't accept it. The whole poem is so great in expressing these lost hopes.

But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of it useful! Have a great day and I'll see you next time. Keep writing. Anyway byeeeeeeee<333

Chancing a review.

I loved your formatting, it stressed the beauty of the pain in your words and made things clearer than they would have been with a more plain approach. The poem was very cohesive and expressive the elements bled into eachother like ink on paper in the rain :>. It was all very smooth. The poem seemed to be about someone too good to be true that you are angry wasnt true and you want to forget him but you also want to remember him and forget his lies. No grammar problems that I see, because poetry doesn't care and I applaud that. The flow was perfect and it made the reading a great experience, the author is the only one allowed to structure the flow because they know how the poem is meant to be read. <3

I love this old jewel of a poem I found.
Keep writing. :>

Much love,
Shadow
<3333

Hello alliyah! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

I'm going to do my best with the formatting

My interpretation:

Your questions:

Overall:

This review courtesy of

Happy Review Day!!!

Hey there, fellow wolf! I'm not too good at reviewing poetry, especially when I have to critique something that's the likes of this masterpiece, but I'll try my best. First I'm going to analyze your poem through a condensed version of the TPCOASTT method I learned last year in AP Literature, then I'll try to answer your questions.

First, my interpretation of the title before reading the poem! My experience with sawdust has been prominent in memories of my grandfather's carpentry shop, where you can see the dust as thick as smoke in shafts of light from the windows. So it's transparent, a good thing in love: being honest with one another. The fact that it's sawdust and not just dust is important. There's nothing good about just dust, but sawdust lends a taste of the good ol' days - rustic barns, carpentry shops, etc.

Now, what I think the purpose of the poem is. I think it's about someone who loved a boy that offered impossible, cliche words. But the narrator wants love that is tangible, not distant and impossible like their boy promised.

I looove the stardust vs. sawdust element. What a great concept! Love like stardust isn't real. Love like sawdust is! And it's beautiful and rustic and ahhh I adore all the images you used to portray that, beginning with "i'd rather be a flash of lightning." That's where the big shift in the poem is, and it's so powerful with that imagery of something emerging from the far-away sky and striking down on the physical earth with thunderous force. The narrator wants a love like that, instead of some dainty sprinkle of stars.

The only image I didn't like in this poem was "origami." It doesn't seem as organic and old-fashioned to me as the other images of "love letters" and "dusty dreams." But maybe it is, and it's just my limited knowledge of origami history that makes me feel that way! d:

Alright, now I'll answer your questions!

1) *effect. I think the formatting is wonderful. It didn't confuse me at all. I can't really explain how it affects the poem because your talent in arranging the lines is so beyond my comprehension.

2) Yes, definitey!

Aaand, it looks like I already answered the last two!

If you couldn't already tell, I'm in love with this poem. You can understand why because I'm a sucker for rustic nature imagery and I'm not crazy about all that cliche moon and star stuff.

You did such a good job with this! <3

Hi there, here for a review.

Wow!! I truly love this piece. Your wording was simple yet cutting and I enjoyed how easy this was to read!

I honestly have very few nitpicks for you which is a rare occasion. I usually have a lot to say, and your poem left me speechless.

1) I think the formatting is spot on. The cross-outs add an infinite level of character and understanding to your piece. It also creates this raw and emotional element that I love!

2) I think all the elements worked terrifically in cohesion. One idea led on to another, each serving as a steady diving board for the next.

3) I think she was in love with a boy who fed her a picture perfect façade, the kind who was too perfectly and expectedly romantic, strictly black and white, while this girl is thunder and lightening. She shakes the ground, she lights up the sky, and he's faded into the background, and she wants him to understand, so she takes to paper and pen with her ferocity, a boy who was wishing on shooting stars and meteors for something that he didn't realize was right in front of him. This girl of beautiful and fierce chaos was trying to tether their hearts together, but he wanted a scripted version of love; poems and cursive writings, while she wanted the wildfire, the rains, the storms. She wanted something real. She writes in rain water because it washes away, he or anyone else don't care enough to look or simply don't understand her enough to know to look beneath the surface or their ignorant, scripted version of love.

4) I do have one nitpick on "paper makes good fuel." I don't necessarily like the use of 'good' here. It takes away from all the eloquence up to this point. Perhaps change it to 'perfect' or something of the like.

Also, I love the alignment of your lines, or rather, the misalignment, considering how you place standalone words or lines far right. The line breaks are also spot on, amazing job!

I enjoyed the living daylights out of this poem, really! Such a simple yet meaningful piece, so refreshing, because some long poems can be exhausting to trudge through. This was a breeze!!

Keep up the awesome work

Happy writing,

Kali L.