I ought to be thy Adam;
water drips steadily into the black sink
there is no warmth here
some breathing relic of a bygone era
speaks lively volumes on death;
rigor mortis racks the bodies of intent listeners
there is honey and dirt on his breath
he has been in the apiary
round eyeglasses grow brittle and their lenses blurry,
closing the window of his soul to a loving corpse
who cannot smell the dirt on his breath
honey and cologne: where has he been?
water drips steadily into the black sink
he touches his arm; fleeting warmth,
bitter cold,
here again.
but I am rather the fallen angel.
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137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
hey there! :]
In Frankenstein, the Monster was paraphrasing John Milton's Paradise Lost: "I ought to be thy Adam, but I am rather the fallen angel." I think the placement of that quote is intriguing! The framing shifts the narrator's self-positioning from an intended role of innocence and creation to exile and defiance, e.g. the juxtaposition of them comparing themselves to Adam and then a fallen angel. They go through a narrative arc from the beginning of the poem to the ending, and then the arc restarts over again.
The Genesiac imagery that accompanies it is extremely prevalent in this poem as well; the “he” figure is written about like a demiurge or god-like figure--though, he isn't regarded fondly--and he has left traces of himself to the narrator / reader to show that he isn't completely withdrawn. I thought that was compelling considering the way the narrative seems to merge contradictory life forces, and how the narrator is caught between creation and destruction. The narrator could be an extension of the male. Warmth and coldness is used parallel to that as well, which is equally fitting.
There are many symbols throughout this, and it confused me to understand how they all built upon themselves: honey, dirt, water, cologne, relics, death, Miltonic fall, and so on. The narrative moves along before any image is expanded on in a way that adds context / foreshadowing to a later idea coming up. As said in the other review, the honey and cologne *could* reference cheating, but there isn't enough information to fully understand that concept in relation to the narrative as it stands. I would've loved to see more focus on a few images instead of an overload of similar descriptions.
Structurally, the quote being like a bookend compliments what you want to achieve with it, but the poem overly relies on fragmentation to assist the narrative. The abrupt phrase breaks--"here again" / "bitter cold"--convey a lot emotionally, but they're repeated too often and begin to feel like a substitute for depth. I'd suggest to expand on what makes the cold bitter, or how many times the narrator has returned to this setting. The cyclical theme makes me think it isn't the first time.
I hope this helps!
lina
hi (again) adore!
i reviewed the other poem you've posted, but i am very fortunately a sucker for frankenstein! i see allusions to it in lots of fiction, but never poetry, so this is a very welcome shift for me!
speaking of allusions, i really love how you've juxtaposed the quote structurally like that. it's likely one of the most well-known quotes from the book, and for good reason; the monster wanted to be loved in the way that adam was, but victor (positioned as the creator/a god figure to him) was so ashamed of what he had created. i think this can easily mirror unrequited love, and that is what i am picking up from the context of the other stanzas.
this is such a neat image!
it's paradoxical for the relic to be "breathing," but i think this poem thrives on that feeling. i am interpreting this stanza to be representing a person clinging to the past (victor?), unable or unwilling to live in the present. it could also represent ideas or traditions that stay past their relevance, which could make this a more modern allusion to frankenstein. it is deeply ironic, almost meta in a way. animated in the act of discussing the inanimate.
i love this stanza and how it contradicts the previous one; we don't know where he has been, yet it was stated he was among the bees before. so i am assuming he is less than truthful about his whereabouts. the cologne masks the smell of dirt, so maybe this is a reference to cheating? i could see it being something like that, or a deeper commentary on losing yourself/finding yourself while in a relationship. your partner becomes your maker.
speaking of that, i am unsure what the relationship between the two male characters. if he touches his arm, i assume that belongs to another man. there is a lot ambiguity by using the pronoun "his" without explicitly clarifying the identity behind it. the narrator doubts the fidelity of the our main character, anyway: where has he been? is the "he" we follow victor, or is it the monster? or perhaps, are we, as readers, victor or the monster? it's hard to determine, really.
besides that, this is very gothic, which is so fitting for the material you're basing it off of. it's atmospheric! though, i wish there was more of a connection to the source material? the quote is the closest we come to a "true" allusion to frankenstein, and the imagery itself is only macabre. those things don't always go hand in hand, so i think you could expand on that more.
so yeah, gorgeous poem! there is so much depth to your symbolism, and the imagery is perfect. i am so glad to see more poets on yws!
best,
floodlights
this is the coolest poem ever