Empty Hands

hello there
wow this is super AWESOME piece that i really enjoyed reading , the idea , the title , the rhymes they're all important parts that made your poem so attractive .
starting with nitpicks :
1"What did I ever do to deserve this fate"
"What made me pass through this gate "
there should be a question mark after each line .

"But there still isn't a hope or sign "
i think you should turn it to
"But still there isn't a hope or sign "

"I wish I knew the reason, this crime of mine "
also this part to
"I wish I knew the reason of this crime of mine "
or even
"I wish I knew the reason of this crime " to make it as long as the line before .
2- the punctuation in general cause i see you didn't use any especially full stops and commas in the end of each line .
now lets move to my favourite part :

"I break a dream at a time
As I leave my seas of grime
But it still pinches this heart of mine
Here it ditches into soiled slime "

it's very nice and catchy GOOD STARTING FOR A GOOD POEM!!

overall ..

you have a very nice piece in here , it's very unique .
keep it up

smiley

Oh wow. Just wow.

Hey abdullah, Shauzer here reviewing
I didn't really enjoy the start of this poem. it was complicated and confusing and you looked like you were starting on a new poem each line. It got better around here 'But there still isn't a hope or sign' This is where everything started to make sense, and you started writing really cleverly. There was some beautiful poetry done in the middle, definitely my favourite part.

'Was it Satan's way of satisfying its sate

Or God's idea of a broken and useless bate

Or is it a bungee shooting me up straight

Right after the depression in its state.'

So good Definitely my favourite part. 'the depression in its state.' I saw 'depression' and didn't get it at first, but then i realized you meant the fall and it fell together again. Sill me :')
It finished well, no actually it finished sadly. but you know what I mean, i liked how you did it. I still think you should look back over the start but other than that it was excellent. The flow, well... It flowed, for the most part All in all I saw great potential, and even though it was pessimistic and depressing, you got past that part of your life - and we all have them. So kudos
Keep writing.
Yours in ink,
TS.

Hey!
XD

Firstly, I wish you had used punctuation in this poem, because it would have made it a lot easier and enjoyable to read.
'I break a dream at a time

As I leave my seas of grime

But it still pinches this heart of mine

Here it ditches into soiled slime

I try to echo the hour's painful mime

But there still isn't a hope or sign

Of a better tomorrow or a better time

I wish I knew the reason, this crime of mine

What did I ever do to deserve this fate'

When you look at these first few lines as an example and try and read and punctuate it yourself it detracts from the reading experience.
This whole piece is very dramatic and 'woe-is-me' which is not necessarily a bad thing, it's just really over the top:

'Alas I give up with a heavy sigh

And finally here the hour grows late' You've mixed archai language 'alas' with modern language.

I like the idea behind this piece, but the execution could have been better. It's well written, but you need to make some adjustments to structure and punctuation to improve this and make it seem a bit more professional.
Otherwise, this is just a flow of words.

~BSF