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The Door To Nowhere: Chapter one: The spirit of the Lying forest ALTERNATE VERSION

by Zrillis


My pencil scribbled fiercly over my pad of paper, every line perfect and unique. My mind was slowly breaking into oblivion as ever ounce of my thoughts willed the pencil to move smoothly and accurately. The pencil was the only way I could stay focused and keep my mind from breaking.

"Momma, is Jay Jay gonna be ok?" a soft voice whispered from the side of my hospital bed.

It was the sound of Lenny, my little sister. She was the inspiration for this drawing, a small girl with the legs of a deer. This girl I had named Few, and she was one of many charecters in my world of Nowhere. The magical world I had created, the world that felt safe to me, the fake world that was better then my dying reality.

My mom gave a response, but I couldnt hear her over the voices of chaos in my head. The room seemed to spin as my pencil went faster, drawing a new charecter, a trickster, the one who lured in victims for fun. Her name was Lilit, and she was pure evil. Her game was simple, figure out the truth, and she will let you leave. Leave the forest of lies, until the next time you enter.

Everything in my head was beautiful, the world of Nowhere, the kingdom of False, and the castle that floated above the world. Inside the golden castle sat the king. The king of Nothing.

Dispite the recent word of a possible curs, I knew the truth. I was going to die. I would die no matter what drugs they pumped me full of, no matter what treatment or therapy they could come up with.

In my dreams I would travel this world, I would reach my goal, the king of Nothing, and I would die. He was my ultimate goal. Everything in Nowhere, my beautiful array of drawings and the dark lovely fantesy, had a purpose.

As my mind began to focus and return myself to a stable state, the doctor came in. A few seconds later, my pencil led broke, and so did my mind. The world around me began to spin, and my body shook violently. The doctor rushed to my side and began to fill me with drugs.

"Its ok Jayden, just close your eyes and think of that place you told me about." The doctor said as he started my second session of therapy. The disease ate away at my mind, and he knew there was only one door I could use to escape.

I closed my eyes tight, and focused. When I opened them again, everything was gone and the world was dark. Only a single large door stood in the emptiness. The door was a thick metal, with no panels or windows. Upon the center was a single wooden cross nailed into the metal. I knew this door well, it was the only thing that brought me joy. I walked slowly in the dark, and reached out my hand. My hand touched cold metal and I hesitated for a second, before twisting the handle and stepping out into light.

All around me the air was crisp with morning dew, and the grass beneath my feet streached down the mountains. This was my world. The World of Nowhere, in the kindom of False. The wind blew the grass on my mountain, giving it the effect to look like the land was moving beneath me. At the base of this mountain, a nice, cool river ran into the Lying forest.

I looked up, high above me at my goal. The floating castle, with its golden bricks and silver gate. Inside that castle sat the King of Nothing, always watching over the land of False, in this beautiful world of Nowhere. I knew it was a dream, deep inside my mind I knew this was the false reality, but it was also the better reality. My mind released the fact that this world was fake, and let my full emotions fall into the world.

"Jay Jay! Your back!"

The voice cried as a girl came into view. She was a young fawn, human on her uper body with furry legs that ended in hooves. She was small, with blue fur and long orange hair that flowed to her middle back. The girl ran over to me and gave me a deep hug.

"Its been a few days Jay Jay. I was getting scared you weren't coming back!" She chided, in her happy hyperactive voice.

I hugged the girl back and laughed a bit.

"Im sorry Few, I have been busy and the door was locked. I had to wait until I was allowed back." I spoke, looking down at the Lying forest.

The forest held many secrets, many mysterious creatures and danger. That was where I must go. In all my visits to Nowhere I had never left my mountain. Few was always begging me to go to the forest, to have an adventure with her. This was it, I was ready to leave my mountian.

"Few, I'm ready. Let's go to the forest."

Fews blue fur stood on end, a sign that I had discovered ment pure happines and excitement. She began to prance around me, and her arms flailed like a small child.

"Yay! Finally Jay Jay is ready to adventure!" She yelped, as her piercing white eyes seemed to glow.

Few was my best friend, the only friend I knew in this world. I had never seen her upset, or even calm for that matter. This world seemed to thrill her even though she was born to it. Any mention or question about a landmark and she jumped with joy and happiness.

"Come one Jay Jay. Follow me!"

Few grabbed my hand, and started to run, happily pulling me down my mountain, the only place I truly knew in this world of Nowhere. The grass further away from my spot was lush, but lacked the shine that the top of the mountain had obtained through direct sunlight. I loved this world, and the brilliance of it's magic.

The ground beneath me curved to become grassy plains, and soon we reached the River of Misdeeds. Few let go of my hand and ran to the edge, kneeling down to cup her knees with her hands.

"Look Jay Jay! Theres a school of Pixie fish!" She shouted and pointed a finger to the water.

Beneath her finger stretched a small school of winged fish, fluttering beneath the surface. They were beautiful, thier wings catching glints of sun as they happily swam. Despite thier beauty, Few had warned me of thier sharp teath. These little Pixies were killers of the water.

"Over there Jay Jay, the Dismal Bridge! Thats where we have to cross." She beamed out again, jumping to her feet and raced to the bridge. Few stood in the center and peered out over the water. I laughed at her energy and wild nature as I hurried after the little fawn.

I looked down at the foot of the bridge for just a second, and when my eyes returned to the world Few was gone. I caught a small glimpse of her vanishing into the forest without me. My fears amplified as I was left alone, and my pain from the real world entered my mind for a split second.

I hurried across the bridge, and entered the lying forest, searching for my friend. The trees were thick and paths were carved in every direction. My eyes scanned the forest, looking for any sign of Few.

As I went farther in, I recalled the rumors of the spirit of the Lying forest , a trickster named Lilit. She was a creature of magic, and her full power was unknown to outsiders.

To my left, I saw a flash of movement, and focused my eyes. I made out the figure as Few, and called out to her.

"Few! Come back!"

I raced for my friend, and finally caught up to her. I was happy, and my fears disappeared as I stood behind her.

All my fears instantly returned when she spoke.

"Hello my child, would you like to play a game with me?"


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28 Reviews


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Reviews: 28

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Sat Aug 10, 2019 3:08 pm
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Asith wrote a review...



Ooh, this is a brilliant improvement! The prequel to Nowhere is great - it's exactly the type of thing I wanted you to explore in the previous versions of the story. And making Jayden an artist was actually a great idea - I think it's a much better premise for him designing a fantasy world than just doing it purely inside his mind. I think I also detect a general improvement in your writing as a whole, so that's great news.

The added dynamic of comparing Few to Jayden's sister could go a long way. Personally, I think it would be very powerful to have Jayden yearn to experience his relationship with his little sister through Few. Perhaps something akin to Lenny spending little time with Jayden ever since he became sick, but Few always being there to hug. Just an idea - I'm sure you could come up with even better ones. You've probably planned this dynamic out already anyway :p

I've noticed the subtle changes and improvements you've made to the rest of the story too, specifically regarding Nowhere, and they deserve congratulations. It's noticeably better, and it's great to see writers improving their work.

I do wonder exactly what Jayden's view on death is. Early on, you say this:
"the fake world that was better then my dying reality."
Which implies that Jayden loaths the fact that he his dying, and created Nowhere to escape it. However, it's later said that his goal was to see the King, after which he would die, and he seems strangely content with dying. If this is meant to contrast between death in the real world and death in fantasy, it might be worth fleshing it out more.

I think introducing Lilit in Few's form is a much better way to go about it than what you'd written in the other version. It helps bring out her power and tendency for trickery.

Glad to the see the story improving like this!




Zrillis says...


Thank you very much!
This version I believe I have removed the flaws from the previous ( example Fews charecter flaws) and I will also be doing this to chapter 2 and after that I will be continuing this version throughout the story



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6 Reviews


Points: 140
Reviews: 6

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Sat Aug 10, 2019 2:02 pm
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mthanmark263 says...



hi I am mthanmark and I am so happy and excited to be the first one to read and write a review . the story basically from my view I think it reflects a bit in real life a lot people go through the deepest problems in life which now makes them create a world of their own . I really loved the way you maybe reflected that view in this book . the ending was like you want your viewers to read more . I am just a little girl who loves writing and these past view days I have ran out of ideas , after reading your story it actually inspired me . it was a different thing like not those typical stories where they name kingdom with fancy words but you named it the kingdom of nowhere I really loved that name



There is just one question I would like to ask? Where did you get your inspiration to write this story I am sure it didn't just come like that .




Zrillis says...


Thank you for the review! Im gonna be honest. The inspiration for this story just came to me while I was working. The tittle came to my mind first (The Door to Nowhere) and it honsetly just grew from that



mthanmark263 says...


wow that is a amazing I am about to read the second chapter



Zrillis says...


I will tell you tho, the second chapter as is doesnt fit this chapter. This is the Alt version and the current chap 2 goes with my original chap 1. I will be re doing chap 2 as well



mthanmark263 says...


okay



Zrillis says...


Also may I ask how my story inspired you?



mthanmark263 says...


like it reminded me the importance and fun of writing



User avatar
6 Reviews


Points: 140
Reviews: 6

Donate
Sat Aug 10, 2019 2:02 pm
mthanmark263 wrote a review...



hi I am mthanmark and I am so happy and excited to be the first one to read and write a review . the story basically from my view I think it reflects a bit in real life a lot people go through the deepest problems in life which now makes them create a world of their own . I really loved the way you maybe reflected that view in this book . the ending was like you want your viewers to read more . I am just a little girl who loves writing and these past view days I have ran out of ideas , after reading your story it actually inspired me . it was a different thing like not those typical stories where they name kingdom with fancy words but you named it the kingdom of nowhere I really loved that name



There is just one question I would like to ask? Where did you get your inspiration to write this story I am sure it didn't just come like that .





“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables