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The Door To Nowhere: Chapter Two: The truth about Nowhere

by Zrillis


"Would you like to play a game with me?" Lilit repeated, her voice growing dark and dismal. A faint waft of sickly sweet dispair filled my nose as the world started to fade into something brilliant. Lilit's curse, the magic to deceive a victim, the ultimate reason she was the spirit of the Lying Forest.

All around me the scenery changed. The tall forest seemed to melt away, and beside me Few started to become dust and float into the distance. I tried to focus my mind, keep my thoughts that I was in the land of False, but even that fact seemed to drift away. The ground beneath me became a lush medow, as the wind rushed through my hair.

"Lets play a game child," a calm voice called to me from the distance.

I looked forward and focused my eyes, unable to remeber Lilit, Few, or the world of Nowhere. All that mattered was this calm medow. My eyes located the source of the voice, a lovely young woman dressed in blue. She was sitting in the center of the meadow, and her golden eyes called out to me.

Slowly I approached, unable to keep myself from moving towards her.

"Who... who are you?" I question as I reached the spot where she sat.

"I am the maiden of the meadow, the keeper of the grass. I have sat in this meadow for centuries awaiting your arrival Jayden, Jayden Turner, the boy who wishes to see the king."

As her words sank in, I couldnt understand what she was talking about. The king? What king was that. All I wished to do was lie down in this meadow, and live forever in its calming grass. I needed something, I knew I did, but my mind refused to remember.

"I will ask again my child, will you play a game with me?" This time as she said those words, something pricked at the back of my mind, for just a second, and then it was gone.

"Yes, I will play with you."

"Very well. All you have to do to win this game..." her voice paused and the world became fire, the grass burning violently as my clothed burst with flame. "Is remember why your here."

With her last words, The maiden of the Meadow let out an evil cackle and vanished in a puff of smoke.

Remember why I'm here? How could I remember anything in this world of hell. The fire drove down on me, as I glanced around for any safe ground, anything, anyone.

Anyone.

As that word entered my mind, a voice from a distance world entered my mind.

"Remember Jayden, when you are going through this treatment, think of someone, real or not. And the thought of that person will guide you. In your imagination, the person you picture as your gaurdian can do anything you wish them to be, they can be anyone and do whatever you need them to do at that moment"

Those words, I couldn't recall who had said them, or what treatment they were talking about, but those words were all I needed. My mind burst to life and I remembered what my mind was trying to tell me I needed.

"Few! Few save me!"

I screamed the words, as the fire on my clothing went out, and the flames in front of me seemed to seperate to make a path towards safety. At the end of the fiery path, stood me friend, my guardian Few. Those words in my head were correct. Few was my guide, my savior, and she changed to be whatever I needed most.

This was the work of Lilit, the spirit of the Lying forest, but she had placed for me one truth. Few would lead me to my end.

***

"Jay Jay... help me..."

The voice broke me free from Lilits magic, as I glanced to my side. Few was standing there, still gripping my hand tightly. She didn't seem to know I was there and her eyes were blank.

"So child of Earth, you have managed to beat my game. If you can save your friend, I will let you live. This time. If you return to my forest again, I will not spare you." Lilit spoke evilly, and turned to walk away.

I kept my gaze on Lilit, refusing to accept her words as truth, but I had to return my full focus to Few. Few, my only friend, my guide and my gaurdian, who was still trapped in her mind by the magic of Lilit.

"Few, come back to me. I need you. I can't make it to the king without you. Since the first say I came here, you have taught me everything. Remember those times? Those times that all you wanted to do was run and play, all you wanted to do was have fun. I made you tell me about the castle, I made you explain this world of Nothing. Come back to me, please. Help me get out of this forest and I promise, I will play with you."

I fell to my knees, still holding the young fawns hand. My every fiber begged her to return, begged her to escape Lilit's curse.

"I need you..."

I closed my eyes, and my head hung in sorrow. I refused to let Few go. I couldnt lose my best friend.

"J... Jay Jay," the voice spoke, weak at first, but when I opened my eyes, I saw Fews blue fur standing on end.

"Jay Jay! I missed you!"

The next moment, I was on my back, Few happily pinning me down and laughing.

"Jay Jay, I missed you so much."

She was laughing, but thick tears were pouring down her face. I didn't know what fake illusions Lilit had shown her, and didn't dare to ask. All I knew for sure was, we were safe for the moment. I let myself slip into happiness as I lie there with Few still pinning me down. The forest had grown silent and all was calm. Everything seemed perfect until a voice from the distance spoke to me.

"Jayden. Jayden wake up, treatment is over for the day."

***

Groggy and dazed I slowly opened my eyes. My world was gone and I was back in the hospital. The doctor stood at the foot of my bed with the clipboard, going over some notes he had written down. I looked at my arm to see the IV pierced through my skin, and wondered when the next time I would be able to open the door would be.

Even though I knew that world was fake whenever I visited, this world wasnt better in the slightest. In this world, this small cold hospital room was my home.


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28 Reviews


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Fri Aug 09, 2019 7:35 am
Asith wrote a review...



Hi again
I enjoyed the concept - actually giving the Lying forest a reason for its name, and bringing out the defining concepts of truths and lies was very interesting - especially considering this whole world is a lie! The line "this was the work of Lilit, the spirit of the Lying forest, but she had placed for me one truth" is an exceptionally great concept. I adore the idea of Lilit shrouding people in lies, but having to allow them one truth, which they can grasp to escape her. Seeing as this is such a powerful concept, a pivotal moment, and the line as it is being phrased a little poorly, I'd say it couldn't hurt to dwell on this moment a little. Really bring out conflict of truth vs lie that Jayden is going through - internally, more than through his physical actions. It is a short extract after all, it couldn't hurt to extend it, and this is an extremely ideal place for character development.

I also adore the tie-in to Jayden's doctor during the Lilit scene. It's surprisingly well done, but it took me a few reads to fully understand. Perhaps it would be a good idea to give the doctor, or at least his voice, a defining characteristic in the last chapter that could be recalled here, so the moment is slightly less subtle.

I'm afraid that an issue with this scene might be a hole that myself and virtually any other fantasy writer would have fallen into at some point: is there a point? It's very easy to get excited at writing about magic, curses, and hallucinations when writing a fantasy story, but without an obvious point, they are a waste. I am lost as to what Lilit's motive is. Characters, good or evil, need motives. What does Lilit do? Does she not like people intruding into her forest? Why? What exactly is her goal in casting a spell on Jayden and Few? What would have happened if Jayden hadn't escaped? She says she will let them go free this time if they escape - why? Is she just a test for Jayden, instead of an actual villain? That would be cool, but right now it seems that she's just a lazy villain. It's good to have an element of mystery or intrigue, but a few answers often induce more mystery than no answers at all.
Another minor problem is what happens to Lilit after Jayden and Few escape. Just before Few escapes, you say this:
"I kept my gaze on Lilit"
This makes it all the more strange that after Few is freed, there is no mention if Lilit. Jayden closes his eyes, but he should at least notice the absence of Lilit after he opens them again. She doesn't come across as a character who would simply leave after being defeated.

Groggy and dazed I slowly opened my eyes. My world was gone and I was back in the hospital. The doctor stood at the foot of my bed with the clipboard, going over some notes he had written down. I looked at my arm to see the IV pierced through my skin, and wondered when the next time I would be able to open the door would be.

Even though I knew that world was fake whenever I visited, this world wasnt better in the slightest. In this world, this small cold hospital room was my home.


This ending is easily my favourite part of this. Call me sadistic, but I love the concept of his pained reality far more than the fantasy world. But it's also written extremely well. I would even go as far as to suggest that you look at these two paragraphs and ask yourself how it differs from your other writing. It would do a world of good if you could capture this narration and use it in more places.




Zrillis says...


Thank you for your review. This review confirmed what i had feared. Im trying to rush to much to get my initial thoughts and ideas out there. I am going to spend the weekend extending on this chapter and making it fit. Thank you for the review and this verification of my fears.



Asith says...


Good for you! For the record though, it's not necessarily a bad idea to write down all the exciting ideas first. You can always go back and edit the chapters later, before you post them here. The first draft should definitely be for you, for fun! Don't push yourself to get it so good that you get bored of the story. That being said, it's great that you're striving to improve



Zrillis says...


I also thank you deeply as this comment opened up a whole other realm for me. There are places that I wanted to put in doubts, or focus on how Jayden knows this world is fake but stil loves it in the middle of the chapter. Where he kinda compares it to real life but I was always like " eh I dont think that's a good idea." But reading this review shows me that may have been the best idea in transforming this story. I was avoiding it but I think i should embrace it.



Zrillis says...


Hey Asith, after I am done with work im going to post what was gonna be my alternate version of this and think of what you think of rhat compared to this



Asith says...


I'd be glad to, but don't rush yourself too much :)



Zrillis says...


Oh no, the Alt I have really planned out in my head already Haha




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— George Burns