Something I wrote at three in the morning, enjoy!
I missed having you in my bed.
I’d gotten used to it you see, the feeling of a body against mine, hearing your heart beat, strong, steady, it regulated me. Everything about you became familiar, the feel of your back as I traced it when you were half asleep, and the way you tickled my toes in the morning to wake me up, making me giggle. I used to do all of those secret things when you were in one of your especially deep slumbers, little things, like twining my fingers around your golden hair, nudging you over to the other side of the bed so I could fully stretch out. I always felt contrite when you raised your head, startled because I’d pushed you too far. I took it all for granted, so now it felt so much more painful when you slept downstairs and I was alone.
I sometimes think if we’d been more careful then she wouldn’t have caught us. If maybe I’d straightened out the covers, or taken your bowl of water downstairs then it would have looked like my single bed had slept one. But I think we always knew it was inevitable, getting caught, I think that was the fun of it, the risk.
I still remember the moment she found us, in bed together. The look of sheer disapproval on her face made me nervous, but you played it so cool, not even flinching when she stared you down, locked you out of the house for a whole hour. It was the longest you had ever been out alone. You just stayed, staring up at me from the garden through the clematis bush, locking those great almond eyes with mine.
It made me feel even guiltier, because I’d left my door open on purpose. I knew you would come in but I did it anyway because I secretly liked it, even though I would pretend to grumble when you first slid under the covers. I liked the way you would snuggle into my arms at ridiculously early hours, because the morning was frosty and cold.
It’s why you're up here now, because it’s a chilly night, well below zero, and I couldn’t stand the thought of either of us being cold. I let a hand gently stroke your caramel blond hair, it’s soft and has a gentle feel to my fingers. I know soon we will both be fast asleep.
Suddenly a stream of light floods into the room, making us both jump up.
The sour face of my overtired mother appears in the doorway, she huffs out a groan and pulls a hand through a tangle of dyed curls “Oh for god sake Izzy, take the darn dog downstairs!”
You whine softly, we’ve been caught.
Okay this should probably be in non fiction. Yes, my dog so sleeps in my bed. I am cool.
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140,890 Literary Works • 673,702 Reviews
Ha! Wow this is good. I wasn't expecting the twist at the end!
Very VERY unique! I never saw that one coming and i was a little nervous to click on this cause of the title. I loved how I didn't see it coming until you said bowl. Very cool
Keep the creative juices flowing and keep writing!
Oh, clever! I loved it! But I'll say, it was a give away in like the second paragraph when you said to take the water bowl down stairs. But all-in-all, I enjoyed it. Good work! I want to see more.
Oh and by the way, I want to see more!
This is amazing and I love the twist!
I loved this so much when I read it at yours (:
It's probably because I love Lexi so much though to be honest, nothing to do with your amazing writing!
But I guess the writing isn't to bad either
I don't think you should make the water bowl reference so soon though.. this would probably be best if you left it till nearer the end
xx
I love this! Its so sweet, i remember you saying about it but its better than you said...
I dont want to make any changes because theyve basically all been said above, so this is entirely positive
I like the way your tricking the "reader" into thinking what your writing is something else. It really shows how people judge things like this.
Also, I think you should give Heather a dog in racing wind, and have a section of this in the part where Quin leaves. Then people will think its Quin, but actually she's reminiscing (i spelt that wrong.. i suck without spell check) about her old life with jack and bella...ect etc
Ella
x
I was not expecting the twist xD
*stars*
The only thing I had to point out has already been said (the DOWN missing from downstairs)
Anyways, I loved it
Really cool story. I liked the descriptions you put in, like
and i loved the beginning where you said, because it gives you a sense of why she/he misses him/her.Is the main character a boy or a girl? It never specifies either way.
Oh, and the title might be changed a bit. I love the way it makes the ending that much more suspenseful, but could scare away some people. Maybe you could say "I missed having you in my bed (G)."
Ha-ha! Zaddie, I totally wasn't thinking about it ending like that! I mean, the mentioning of the bowl was a little odd, and then being locked out of the house for an hour, but it was really great! *writewhatiwant* already got the minor details out of the way, but it's great nonetheless!
Wow, such an amazing, unexpected, sudden twist! Ha-ha!
Awesomeness!
!Chupa!
This is just too cute. The minute you mentioned the water bowl, I started thinking to myself *huh????
But I did find one other little mistake.
Seems you might have been missign the word 'down' in here. But other then that and what and the few mistakes writewhatiwant caught, this was just such a cute story. Congrats!
*clicks the star thingamajigger*
~lilymoore
Hey it was good with a lot of suspense.
:] Hahaha! Nice, Izzy. The "water bowl" part caused a lot of confusion. Also, I couldn't help but to have felt a little jealous in the beginning. Now I feel sort of dumb. :]
Bwahahaha. I knew as soon as you said bowl. >.< But still, good job.
*has nothing important to say*
She made him keep the dog outside in zero degree weather? That is such animal cruelty! Your character had better find a way to get that poor puppy inside, or I might just have to hunt him down.
One thing that I was confused about was the main character's relationship to the lady. Was he her son or her husband?
Other than that I thought it was good! Nice twist!
...HAHA!
That was really clever.
*stars*
Good one
To be honest I was a little scared to click on this because of the title but I'm glad I did, it was very good.
Keep up the awesome work!
-Irish
Oh my God, I did not see this end coming! xDD This is sooo sweet! I like it very much.
I don't have much to point out, so this won't even be close to a real review xP
So, let's see...
I think another tense would do it better, here. Maybe 'I've gotten used to it, you see;'. Oh, and a comma there!
I did noticed this was kinda weird, but in the end it made sense xD
Take out the comma after 'caught' and put a period.
'your' should be you're. The contraction of you and are. The been isn't needed. And I think the 'well below zero' would be better if between parenthesis.
Oh, I like this very much! *clicks the star thingy* Well done! A funny sweet little piece, that just amused me for the next hour ^.^
Have a good night!
- Kat