AIO for wanting to break up with my boyfriend because he wont clean up?

[deleted] • 2 years ago

AIO for wanting to break up with my boyfriend because he won’t clean up?

I feel like I’m going insane, and I don’t know who else to ask. My (27F) boyfriend (29M) keeps leaving messes around the house and no matter how many times I ask him to pick up after himself, he won’t.

This all started when he got back from serving in the military. He kept leaving his dirty dishes in the sink. I asked him multiple times to wash them or put them in the dishwasher, but he’d just brush me off and I’d end up having to do it myself. He’s never acted this way which is making me think I’m doing something wrong, but at the same time it’s infuriating.

After a while, I just started washing the dishes myself, thinking this wasn’t going to last and he’d be his old self again, but things started getting worse. He’d leave dirty clothes around the house, even though the laundry basket would be right there. The trash wasn’t being taken out, he wasn’t helping with chores; it was just all around chaos.

Not only that, but my stuff would go missing randomly. I first thought I was just getting clumsy and losing things, (lip-gloss, keys, etc) but I’d find them in his dirty clothes while doing laundry, or in random places I’m usually not in. Idk, maybe I sound paranoid, but it felt like he was taking my things and hiding them.

We ended up fighting often about this because it was tearing our relationship apart. For context, I have major OCD, and I cannot function in a messy house. It overwhelms me to the point where I just shut down. My boyfriend knows this, which is why I don’t get why he suddenly stopped caring.

We had a major fight one morning because I came downstairs to make coffee and almost threw up when I saw a dead pigeon in our kitchen. It was just lying there on the counter next to the breadbox, the smell hit me before I even processed what I was looking at.

I called my boyfriend downstairs, because who else would put it there? I was literally shaking as I demanded he tell me why he did this, but he refused to tell me; he even called me paranoid, and an idiot because, “the bird probably flew in through the window and died,” which he knows isn’t true because I always lock all the windows and doors at night.

At that point, I was genuinely just pissed off so I yelled at him that if he didn’t stop doing this creepy shit that we’d break up, and then I locked myself in our bedroom.

It’s only been a few hours since, so idk what to do. My friends never liked him to begin with, so I can’t go to them. We’ve been together almost two years and I don’t want to throw it away but I can’t live like this.

Am I overreacting?

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 u/Familiar_Talk • 16 hours ago

Update: AIO for wanting to break up with my boyfriend because he won’t clean up?

Original post: https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjE...

Hey guys, sorry this took forever. A bunch of people asked for an update and honestly I just… didn’t know how to explain everything without sounding completely insane.

So, after the pigeon thing, we had a massive fight and I locked myself in our bedroom for hours. (Yes, I made him sleep on the couch.) The next morning he actually apologized, like a real, genuine one. He promised he’d do better and for a while he actually did?? He started cleaning, he picked up after himself, he even remembered where I left my stuff without me having to ask a million times. It felt like we were back to normal, and I kind of convinced myself I’d overreacted, which is why I never updated before.

Anyway, fast forward a few months, and he tells me he’s going on a family trip, which isn’t out of the ordinary since his family loves taking short vacations. He packed a bag, and left on Saturday afternoon. I was actually glad to see him out of the house because that gave me time to wind down and just relax, but a few hours later I heard a knock on the front door.

I really didn’t think anything of it at the time, because I’d ordered some packages a few days ago and they were supposed to arrive today, so I went to open the door but when I opened it, it’s not my package; it’s my boyfriend.

And of course I’m shocked and confused because he'd literally just left. But before I can even say anything he sweeps me up, full on spins me around, kissing me and saying how much he missed me. And I’m frozen because… what??

Then I notice he’s in his military uniform, and my brain immediately goes to “okay, dumb prank,” because he used to do stuff like that when we first started dating. But he looked dead serious.

He puts me down, sees how confused I am, and goes: “I’m home, baby, why aren’t you happy?”

So I blurt out, “Didn’t you literally just leave for a family trip, like a few hours ago?” And now he’s looking at me like I’m crazy. He pulls out his phone and shows me a text he sent earlier that said, “Hey baby, I’m coming home soon, can’t wait to see you ❤️”

My hands literally started shaking while I read through the texts because if he was just now coming home, who the hell had I been living with these past few months?

My boyfriend saw that I was getting anxious, so we walked into the kitchen to sit down, and I told him everything: the messes, my missing stuff, the pigeon---All of it. Both of us were obviously tense, and he looked horrified and said he’d been deployed this whole time. He even showed me photos and timestamps to prove it.

We called the police. He searched the house top to bottom and locked everything while we waited. The cops showed up, took our statements, and searched the house, but found nothing. We even asked his parents (thinking maybe it was some bizarre prank?) but they said they were visiting relatives and hadn’t seen or spoken to him recently.

We even asked for a forensics team to be called in, but when they searched the house there were no fingerprints, no DNA, no sign of anyone living there but me.

Edit: For anyone asking, yes I’m safe. We moved in with his parents for now. We’re selling the old place and moving somewhere new. And for the people saying this is fake: I wouldn’t put myself through this just to post a Reddit story. I’m seeing a therapist now, and this will be my last update.