“Sean Jacob Ramirez.”
My head whipped around at the sound of his name. It couldn’t be, could it? After fifteen years, I’ve found him – more like Antonio led me to him but still – and I don’t know what I feel. Sean Jacob, the boy I fell in love with when I was only three years old. He was the one I knew I already loved even when we were toddlers. Although, others thought that we were too young to know what we felt we both knew we were meant for each other.
“Hey Anne,” Tony’s voice broke me from my musings.
“I was wondering if uh,” he trailed off. I raised an eyebrow at his actions. When did he start hesitating when talking to me?
“Let’s go upstairs,” I said motioning for him to follow me. We walked in silence, Tony fidgeting once in a while. When we reached the landing on the second floor of the house, I stopped walking. “What do you need?” I asked him straight out.
“Uh, well,” he continued to hesitate.
“Spit it out Tony. I’d like to sleep sometime this century,” I was thoroughly annoyed at his actions and my frustration wasn’t helping his case.
“Can Tracy sleep with you?” I looked at him in shock. “Sean has the other room and Ricky won’t let anyone stay in his and since you have the other one I was wondering if…” I stopped his rambling with a finger to his lips.
“You mean, you don’t sleep together?” I asked just as said girl emerged from Tony’s room. She froze on the
spot hearing what I had just said and did an amusing imitation of a cherry. Tony glared at me obviously he didn’t like the way I made it sound. “Hey I meant like just sleeping in the same room.” I raised my hand in defense. “But, whatever works for you.”
“Pervert.” Tony said as he bonked my head.
“I’m the pervert? I wasn’t the one to blush when I said sleep together. I meant it like I said it!” I protested.
After a half an hour of a completely foolish argument, we retired to our rooms. Tony went to his while Tracy followed me into mine.
“So, why don’t you sleep with Tony?” I asked conversationally. The girl sitting on my bed blushed brightly and
buried herself under my covers. “Okay, I guess you won’t answer that question. What about this one; how long have you been together?”
“Two years and a half,” she replied.
“In all that time, haven’t you ever slept in the same room?” I asked.
“Maybe once or twice,” she admitted.
“Nothing,” was her answer.
“Exactly!” I told her. “Then you should know that he won’t do anything you wouldn’t want to be done to you.”
“I know that,” she replied. “I’m not afraid of him. I’m scared of what I’ll do if we’re alone. I just can’t help myself when I’m alone with him.” She mumbled.
“Ooooooh! Little Tracy’s a perve, huh?” I teased and she blushed crimson at my words.
“I get it,” I told her. “It’s normal to feel that way, we’re teens after all. It’s the hormones affecting you, and his beautiful eyes, his gorgeous abs…” I trailed off at the deadly glare she sent my way.
“When he told me how you met each other ‘officially’, I was jealous. I don’t know why, I just was. I know you didn’t really plan to be in that kind of situation with him but I couldn’t help but feel jealous. I wanted to claw your eyes out when he said that you looked so beautiful.” She confessed.
“I really didn’t expect you to be happy with the way things went but I’m glad that you understand. It’s because of that meeting that he came to be with you.” I told her. “Before that, he would have his fan girls clinging to him without restraint and I had my own set of admirers. You have no idea how difficult it was to tell them to back off. When we became friends, I was the deterrent for his fans and he kicked the guys’ asses for me. Everyone thought we were a couple because of how we acted with each other but we weren’t, we just let them think we were.”
“I still can’t believe that nothing really happened between you and Tony that night,” she said rather apprehensively.
“Well nothing did, and I’m still a virgin. I’m not trying to change that anytime soon,” I replied.
“Oh really? Well, that didn’t seem to be the case the way you were responding to Sean this afternoon,” she teased and I could feel the heat rising up my neck to my cheeks. “You seemed really… into it,” she taunted some more.
“Believe it or not, that was my first actual kiss.”
“It was?” she inquired obviously shocked. “I guess it was one to remember, wasn’t it?” she teased. “I could tell with the way you responded to him. You had your legs wrapped around his waist, your hands in his hair as you kissed,” she said. My body flushed at the memory of our heated kiss and I glared at Tracy as the memories continued to assault my mind.
“Hmm… I wonder if it would feel the same with Tony.” I mumbled loud enough for her to hear me but soft enough to make her think as if I was talking to myself.
“Don’t you dare,” she began as I rose from the bed.
“Maybe I should go see,” I continued to ‘talk to myself’ but was stopped when the door slammed close.
Chuckling to myself, I donned my robe and headed into the terrace knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep with the thoughts of one Sean Jacob rampaging through my head.
I looked up at the stars as I immersed myself in the memory of the Sean Jacob that I knew and the Sean Jacob I met only today. They were two different people to me and yet they were also the same. One was so innocent and pure and the other was older, more mature, and he had an effect on me that was truly new to me. It was something that scared me and yet I wanted to learn more about it. Antonio had already lain beside me before I noticed his presence. He embraced me, running his hand through my hair so that I would relax in his arms.
“Something’s still bugging you,” he whispered softly. I turned in his arms, facing his chest I answered the question he didn’t voice out.
“It’s about your cousin,” I told him. “I’m so confused. I don’t even know what to feel. I’ve found him after all these years only to find that he’s been hurt, and the way I reacted to his touch… it scared me to find out that even when I didn’t know it was him, he had so much control over me. I just don’t know what to do.”
“I know it must be confusing but I want you to know that I’ll be behind you. In the mean time I won’t tell him anything but you’ll have to decide if you want to remind him about your former relationship,” he said in response. “To tell you the truth, I really didn’t believe you when you said that you loved him.” I looked at him in question. “Really, if you had told anyone else that you loved your childhood sweetheart whom you last saw when you were three, do you think anyone would’ve believed you?”
“I guess, no one would,” I conceded.
“But then again, I saw the way you reacted to his touch and his mere presence… I knew, it was the clincher for me,” he said. “I know you,” he told me. “I know that you are not the same as any other girl. You don’t just go up to any guy and kiss them, and yet you did with Sean Jacob.”
“I… that wasn’t… I don’t know what happened,” I mumbled as I blushed brightly from embarrassment. Hiding my face in his chest, I could feel the rumbles of his answering chuckle.
“Of course not,” he taunted. “And yet you told him to… what were your exact words again? Oh that’s right; you said ‘Why don’t we finish this in your bedroom?’”
“Shut up. I was having difficulty not only thinking but breathing as well.”
“I wonder if that’s because he had his tongue down your throat,” he said. I hid my face even further on his chest, trying so hard to vanish into myself.
“Whatever.” I said in blatant dismissal. “By the way, where’s Tracy?”
“Oh.” He froze at my question. “She’s in my room.”
“Uh-huh and what is she doing in your room?” I smirked at his silence. It was my turn to tease.
“Well, she came into my room running and then she just sort of came onto me,” he replied. Even without seeing his face, I knew that he was blushing.
“She did what?” I asked as I tried to withhold my laughter.
“She just sort of jumped onto me and then we started uh…” he trailed off unsure as to how to continue his tale.
“Oh my God, Tracy came onto you! I never thought she could do something like that,” I said breaking free from his grasp to look him in the eyes.
“Come to think of it, she was with you right?” he asked staring at me intently.
“What did you tell her?”
“I didn’t say anything!” I said in protest. “It was actually her who was teasing me about Sean Jacob and then she just ran off.”
“Right, and she just decided to take our relationship to a whole new level just because she saw you with my cousin.”
“Well, I might have said a few things,” I flinched at the glare he sent my way. “Well the truth is I asked her if she ever slept with you, you know just in the same room or even next to each other. She said some things that shall remain untold but what our talk came down to was that she was afraid that she won’t be able to control herself if things with you two ever did go that far.” I told him truthfully.
“Oh,” was his smart reply.
“I just gave her the push she needed for her to trust both you and herself and voila!”
“I don’t know if I should thank you or hurt you for corrupting my girlfriend.”
“You won’t hurt me seeing as you would not be so grumpy very, very soon,” I teased.
“Shut up.” He grumbled at my innuendo. “Seriously though, think about what you’re going to do about Sean.”
“I have to leave tomorrow morning, I need to finish packing you know,” I told him.
“Really I think you’re avoiding the topic.”
“I can’t be distracted this month, I’m going to be spending it with my family and I’m sure that I’ll need to get
this out of my head or else I won’t be concentrated.”
“Okay, but remember we’ll be there next month.”
“You’re taking him with you?”
“I have to. If I don’t he might do something drastic.”
“Fine, I’ll deal with him when the time comes.”
“You make it sound as if he’s some kind of enemy that you’d need to dispatch,” he grumbled.
“Right now, that would be the case.”
“I’m turning in,” he said as he kissed the top of my head. “You coming?”
“Not yet, I’ll stay here for a while,” I told him as he rose from his position beside me.
“Alright but don’t stay up too late, you do need to get home before lunch.”
“Yes dad.” I teased. He glowered at me then walked back into the house. I continued to watch the stars as I pondered on my thoughts. “What should I do? What could I do? It wasn’t as if it was so easy to…” my thoughts stopped short as I heard a sound. Listening closely to where it came from, I unconsciously rose from my seat to find the source. As I walked further into the house I could hear the sound get louder, they were whimpers and sobs and they came from the room right across mine – Sean Jacob’s room.
Turning the knob as quietly as I could, I readied myself for what I was about to see but nothing could’ve prepared my heart for the scene I stumbled upon. There on the bed lay my love in a fetal position, a pillow hugged so tight it looked as if he wanted it to join his body. His shoulders wracked with the sobs he made as he cried.
My heart clenched at the sight and I wanted to protect him and comfort him at the same time. I just wanted to stop his pain, whatever it took just so I could see him smile. I had no recollection of walking to the bed but the next thing I knew I was laying next to the boy whom I loved. His head lay on my chest, his arms around my torso as I ran my hand through his hair, the other caressing his cheek as I whispered soothing words to the air. It seemed like a long time before he calmed down and his breathing evened. Smiling softly at his sleeping form, I kissed blonde-brown locks as I drifted off to sleep.